I have just had a bit of an unpleasant discovery.
So here is the background -
I have been ranting about DP on an increasing number of threads recently, as a different name (Slightobsession) that I had to ask MN to change because I think I have been outed in RL.
We have been together for over five years now, living together for four and a half. We met when I was 18 on the very first night at university. He was 21 and a local. We never really spent much time apart, he would stay every night in my room at halls, I split up with my long term boyfriend for him and then at the end of the uni year we moved in together.
I have always paid half of everything, plus ran a car, paid insurance, MOT etc on my own - which is fine because it is my car - he doesn't drive.
I have had two miscarriages this year, which is also the year that I finished my degree. I worked really hard to find a job (teaching) and we were set to move to the other end of the country so I could start my career. I found out I was pregnant the day we were supposed to move and so didn't go, for a number of reasons. I then miscarried (second time.) DP was wholly unsupportive during the first miscarriage and only slightly better the second time.
As a consequence, I am in a job that earns about one third of what DP does. Now, this is the bit that I am really struggling with. We still pay half of everything but now because I am working I feel obliged to buy the food shopping. I did put my foot down and say that I don't want to also buy his alcohol - he doesn't believe me when I say he drinks too much. He thinks a bottle of wine plus beer and maybe a glass of whiskey isn't excessive. I do and I refuse to pay for it now. I also still pay for the car, which is fine because it is mine, but as DP doesn't drive, I ferry him around.
I work two days a week most of the time, and I don't mind taking DP to work when I go because that seems fair. What annoys me is I will say "I don't have to be at work till 9" and he replies, "oh but I have to be in at 8" like I am just supposed to hang around for an hour. Then for the other three days out of the working week I take him and pick him up, which I don't mind doing, but I am spending my money on petrol to ferry him around. I am starting to resent that A Lot. He also expected me to, for example, bring him home from work and then an hour and a half later take him to the shops because he fancies some wine. To rectify this I have said "I will do a weekly shop with a meal plan. After this I will not be taking you to the shop." But then he doesn't want to eat what's on the meal plan and whinges for a take away etc.
The other day, the bank told him someone had cloned his card, which obviously is not his fault. He then had to wait for a few days for a new card to be sent to him, which is fine. He said that there were some bills that needed payinh from his account that were bouncing because he wasn't allowed to access his account or something, so asked if he could put money in my account for them to draw it out. I said fine.
I have jsut come online to check my account and see that yes, he did put money in my account and yes, some one did take it out, but it was a payday loan company for £280.
Am I being unkind to be really fucking angry at this? He earns nearly £20k and I know that this isn't a lot but I earn about £6k. He only pays half of the bills and rent which comes to about £400 a month and then pays £80 a month off a credit, what the fuck can he possibly need a payday loan for????
Even when I was a student I lent him money - £200 here £50 there. This is coming close to a deal breaker isn't it? Tell me I am not being unreasonable for being angry about this and confronting him about his behaviour regarding money?
Sorry it is so long - and the payday loan website was the unpleasant discovery btw!