Should I put up or get out?

[switchtvoffdosomelessboring]

I think I want to divorce my husband. But I wanted to chat and I've no one in RL to chat to about this.

It kinda has all came to a head this weekend, but I'll start at the begining. Ok, so before kids we both liked to go out at the weekends and get drunk, or stay in and get drunk. Whatever, alcohol featured as did staying in bed till afternoon, nursing hangovers. Not really an unusual story there.

So four kids later (1 set of twins) my OH still does this. He think as he works hard all week he is entitled to relax at the weekend with a few drinks (I work four days too). Now a few drinks means enough to be drunk, he sits up till about four or five in the morning on the computer chatting to people (probably looking up porn) and listening to music. And funnily enough he won't get up in the morning - in fact he very rarely surfaces before 3-4 pm at the weekend. I have tried shouting and bawling, I have tried cajooling, I've tried pouring cold water on him, nothing works. He either doesn't get up or if he does he is so foul mooded I wish I hadn't bothered.

So on Friday night I was feeling a bit sick and ended up spending the whole night with D&V. I told him i was ill and that he should go to bed as I was not going to be able to get up with the kids in the morning (the kids are 7,5 and 2 year old twins).

He ignored me and went to bed about 5am drunk. And would not get up in the morning. So on Saturday I had to get up with the kids after spending the night puking and having the runs. When he finally got up at 5.30 pm his firsts words were 'jings what a mess' before disappearing out to buy his dinner as oven chips and chicken nuggets that i had made the kids didn't appeal.
And then he wouldn't even help me change the sheets on the bed (one of the kids had puked) or put the kids to bed so i could relax.

The worst is he doesn't really see what the big deal is.

its not just me is it?

[SwitchedtoEatingCheese]

I started this thread over a year ago and sadly I never took any your advice. Once again I swept it under the carpet and pretended to be a happy family.

Numerous other fights over the year, again all 'forgotten' as it was easier and maybe I kinda felt I didn't deserve any better, or that I'd made my bed and should lie in it.

At new year we all went away with friends and his behaviour was so bad his best friend gave him a black eye. He wrecked the house we were staying in . I can honestly say I have never been more ashamed in my life.

So he has gone, he is at hs mums though and still thinking that I'll forgive him and let him back.

And every time I think I might I want to look at this thread and remind myself he will never change. I am not sure what will happen - but I refuse to spend another night under the same roof as him.

And thank you all, belatedly for the advice I should have taken a year ago.

[BertramBertram]

Stay strong & good luck x

[foofooyeah]

I didnt notice the dat originally, I know it must have been a bad year but so glad you are now making that move.

It is so hard sometimes, but you know you are doing the right thing.

Best of luck to you..... think of it as lightening the load as you have one less child to look after now

[MrsMelons]

Sometimes it takes time to actually do these things but well done for doing it now. I am sure MN will support you in not letting him back - you deserve better!!!

[ErikNorseman]

Stay strong, he is selfish to his very bones, he will not, cannot change.

[CogitoErgoSometimes]

He's still not taking you seriously so you have to raise the stakes and make his life uncomfortable. Repeat that you want him to leave on an hourly basis, remove him from your bedroom, don't include him in any meals/laundry/activities ...whatever it takes to get the point through his thick, booze-addled head... and, if all that doesn't work, talk to a solicitor and get the divorce papers on their way.

[CogitoErgoSometimes]

[Crinkle77]

What a selfish twat. Get rid

[Servalan]

So sorry OP . Have you heard of AlAnon? Maybe you could get some advice/support from them too?

Wishing you strength

[SundaysGirl]

It's so sad to see this is a year old, however as you say perhaps coming back to it will help you to remain firm and not sweep it under the carpet this time. He's obviously got so used to just apologising and it all going back to 'nomal' that he thinks whatever he does is ok.

Hopefully for all your sakes this time it really hits home that apologies are empty words if they are not followed by positive action.

Good luck

[SwitchedtoEatingCheese]

Thank you all so much, and for not judging me for putting up with his behaviour for so long.
He has been staying at his mums since wednesday and coming later to pick up more clothes but they will be at the front door. If he (I suspect he will) revert to usual type my plan b is to rent somewhere else to live so he has absolutely no right to step foot in my house.

I deserve a better life for myself and children.

[conway]

I am going through something similar. My husband and I used to drink a lot but after having 2 children I hardly drink at all while my husband still does. However mine does get up early and is quite good with the kids when he is around.
we are seriously growing apart as I try and drink less he is drinking more. I too would like a divorce but don't think I can afford it so am trying to hold out till later when the kids are older and not at private schools.
Just wanted to let you know you are not alone.

[SwitchedtoEatingCheese]

Thanks Conway. Its good to know its not just me. Money wise I should be ok, I don't earn a fortune but enough to get by , especially as I don't have the expense of child care thanks to my mum.

Conway, would he not continue to pay for schools if you split ? Especially if h is the main earner ?