Is this morally wrong? A tricky question

[lolaflores]

Recently returned from a school reunion. On the subject of one patricularly unpleasant piece of work, it became apparent to me, that most of the people started the reminiscense with "that time she hit me". Again and again, that was what was repeated.

So, in light of that and my own treatment at her hands i wonder the following;
to bring a civil case against her. No surprises this happened in Ireland. She has left a wake of damage behind her, a total psychopath. This is only the kernel of a thought, not even an idea. I want her to feel as terrorised as all us kids felt. Punched, pinched, slapped, humiliated, physcially thrown around, smacked on top of the head, shoved. made kneel on the floor and say endless rosaries. i do not remember much teaching going on. kids wetting themselves. mindless fear and terror every day.

I could not even guarantee that anyone would give statements, or how to go about it. I want to scare the shit out of her at the very least.

Was this a teacher or a fellow pupil?

Might be worth checking out first whether she's still teaching, or indeed still alive. Would affect my views about whether you'd want to take things forward if I were in your possition.

What happened to you and the others was shit but time to let go and move on.

It was a teacher. A nun. no longer teaching but still at the convent. sorry if it wasn't clear.

Shineon with all due respect. fuck counselling. this is about a group of people rather than just myself.

i'm guessing this was a nun OP?

oops xpost.

as much as i understand the suggestions to let it go. i feel very strongly that justice should be brought to all abuse victims where possible. i dont think i would do it to want her to suffer though all though i understand your emotional response to being reminded of her. would you consider speaking to a police officer and finding out what would be the likely outcome of you making a report?

I said that above. shineon with the best will inthe world. Counselling is not a magic wand.
this person has never been made to answer to anyone for her "teaching" methods. It was when I heard the same stories from everyone else that I wondered at the sheer damage she had caused.
These christians, the purveyors of forgiveness etc. and charity and humility and all of that, behaved like savages.

Bringing a civil case might help you and other people who were 'taught' by her. But I am not sure if will do so if you only do that to hurt her just as she hurt you all those years ago.
You would just go down to her level, which isn't very high.

If you decide to do so, you need to be strong enough. It will be an emotional rollercoasterand you will have to revisit times that weren't happy times at ll. Are you ready emoitonally for that?
Counselling might be of some help (sorry).

I would also check with other people how they would feelk about it if you want to bring justice to a group of people rather than just for yourself.

Fuck counselling? I think you should get some.

Why a civil case? Is it money you are after? If you are after proper justice and to "make her suffer" then why don't you start criminal proceedings by reporting it to the police.

With a group of you, your chances are far higher for a conviction.

I agree with booyhoo, what she did was wrong and justice should be brought. I would speak to the police and see what they advise.

Am very that this could happen.

Just a question: was it just when you realized that other people had gone through the same that yu started to think about a court case?
Is it because yoiu though you were the only one, or because you've tried to opush it away and told yourself it wasn't that bad but hearing it from others it did look bad?
Or is it that you are suddenly thinking you might be able to get some revenge?

mancrushed

unfortunately far far worse did happen to children who were supposed to have been taught and cared for by members of the catholic church in ireland. both my parents were abused as children right up until they left school. it is absoloutely sick what they got away with. my parents would never consider bringing charges as to them, it was normal, it happened to all children. and in their experience it actually did heppen to everyone they knew

bubblechristmaspop am i after money??? Excuse me? I hadn't considered a crijminal case to be honest, not having any experience in this area. Having had copious counselling, i have had it to the ears with talking, pats and nods. i keep fixing myself when I am not the problem

I shall go to the police, I understand that it will be a mindfield for all involved but listening to what I heard, why is no one being held responsible.

Right then. Thats that.

Booyhoo

That is so so wrong. Those poor children. I cannot understand how someone can treat a child in that way, and for your parents to think it as normal is so sad.

Ah nuns. A lot of my old colleagues went to cenvent schools, as did my mum. The usual comment is 'nuns are bitches'.

Mothers response to a enthusiastic thumping "you probably deserved it"

People "letting it go" is how priests got away with decades of abuse.

Op, I suggest you talk to some of the people from the reunion before you do anything else - I don't think you can do this on your own.

just to clarify, my parents dont think it is normal as in, "this is how you treat children" i was never abused and they would be horrified if i were to hurt my children. when i say they think it is 'normal' i mean in that time it was normal and so they dont believe anyone would take any notice of a complaint if they were to make one now. they were both physically abused by their parents aswell so they had no-one to go to even if they had realised it was wrong and more than just 'discipline' as it was always passed off as. in their world, children were beaten severely for the slightest thing. that's what i mean by normal. they know now it isn't normal.

lola that's what both my parents were told too by their parents

I was at school in England in the 1970s/1980s. Corporal punishment was the norm and even though I was a "good" pupil I was hit and humiliated by one teacher. The difference was my teacher was incompetent and not coping. I don't think she was getting any pleasure from it.

In the OP's case it really sounds as if she wanted to abuse and inflict pain on the pupils. I would be inclined to report it to the police.

I asked, because bringing a civil case, that's the only advantage. If you really want justice, which it's clear you do.

Bringing a civil case makes no sense. Bring her to account in a criminal court.

I do think you could do with more counselling though. Child abuse isn't fun and yes it can make you full of anger. But you need help to let that anger go. Especially if you are going to pursue her. As it's all going to get dragged up again.

It's not easy what you are about to do, you know. You are so full of anger now, it's gonna get 1000x times worse. I wouldn't be dismissing counselling out of hand.