I know I shouldn't, but I find DP embarrassing :-(

[Christiola]

In private DP and I get on great, we have a laugh and like the same things. In public however I find him so embarrassing :-( I know how shallow and bitchy this is going to sound but I'm always terrified of bumping into someone I know when we're together because he says really inappropriate things (almost aspergers like) and often comes across as rude and strange. For instance someone could be mid sentance and he'll suddenly cut in with "yeah, bye" and walk off!! often leaving me stood there like an idiot having to apologise with my face and scuttle off behind him.
Anyway last weekend he'd asked me to go out with him for his friends birthday night out. I agreed but I noticed he really does stand out like a sore thumb. People just take the piss out of him, one bloke in a bar recognised him from work and shouted "oh that bloke is a fucking legend!" before running up to DP, taking his glasses off his face, putting them on himself and walking around doing impressions of DP for everyone to laugh at. DP just stood there awkwardly playing with the buttons on his shirt like a bullied school boy. In the end I took the glasses off the bloke. It was so awkward all night, I felt so out of place, even the bloke who's birthday it was kept calling DP "grandad" as apparently that's what he's known as at work. He was even awkward with the bouncers asking if it was ok to go in etc. Everyone just laughs at him

Anyway this coming weekend my friend has invited me out with her and her boyfriend. He's in the army, he's funny, sociable etc - I agreed but DP got wind of it and wants to come but now I just want to back out. I know how horrible this is but I can't face the thought of taking him out with my friends. He'll embarrass me, I know he will.

I don't WANT to feel like this but I can't help it. I never enjoy being out in public with him unless I know it's somewhere I won't bump into anyone I know but even then, he manages to embarrass me in front of strangers.

I suppose my question is, if I feel like this, we shouldn't really be together, should we? despite how much we get on in private.

No.

Sadly I know how you feel :( We were overseas for part of the year we were together, but once back in the UK I just couldn't cope. My bf wasn't 'as bad' as yours, but 'bad' enough that I didn't want to introduce him to friends etc. I had to split up from him in the end as it was getting ridiculous. I know it sounds really shallow and maybe it is, but I couldn't cope with it - it was sad though as 'at home' things were good.

no

poor guy

The thing is I feel so sorry for him because he was bullied at school and has had a shit time of it since being an adult - even now when I'm out with him I see people taking the piss out of him.

For me to finish with him will be yet another knock but you can't stay with someone for that reason can you?

I know I shouldn't care what people think and I wish I didn't but I'm human and when they laugh at him, I feel like they're laughing at me too and I can't handle it

Stick up for him a bit - build up his confidence if you love him...

maybe this is the wrong advice but I feel so much for the guy

His work 'mates' don't sound very nice tbh.

How did you meet?

I feel for him too. I really do and it kills me to think of his face when I tell him it's not working out because without sounding like a twat, I'm the only thing he's got going for him in his life right now and that isn't much considering how I feel. He's stuck in a minimum wage, dead end job, lives alone, has next to no friends, never goes out unless its with me and never has any money. I'm his "life" and it's so unhealthy and I think this is what has put me off finishing with him before now, I feel so guilty.

I do stick up for him, I got his glasses back off the guy in the bar but I shouldn't have to! he's a grown man for goodness sake, the guy was twice my size - me sticking up for him in that situation made him look even more ridiculous.

I do feel sorry for him but what else can I do? I've suggested ways for him to build up his confidence but he just won't help himself.

I think your instincts are telling you something is off so listen to them.

I had a short relationship which was a bit similar. Guy had issues, well hidden, but biggies....

Oh dear, it's a real dilema isn't it OP. I have a feeling that it will only get worse though. I went out with a bloke like your's a while ago and am afraid I had to dump him.

Don't stay in a relationship with someone out of "guilt" OP. Feeling sorry for someone is not loving them. Let him down gently but do it.

Being made to feel that you are "someone's life" is rather spooky isn't it to say the least.

Poor bugger!

Don't know what to say but that is so very very sad. The world is full of odd bods - the problem is with a society that says they are misfits. His workmates sound like complete tossers too.

Doesn't help you I know.

It sounds like he's in a rut though, with being bullied.
poor thing.

i think you should sit down and talk about it - which I know is a hard thing to do, but he might not think there's anything he can do about it.

he also sounds painfully shy, which is why he leaves people standing - like he doesn't know what to say and finds it easier to remove himself from the situation rather than having to say anything.

joly - thinly veiled?
i think they sound like complete bastard bullies.

Could he actuallY HAVE AS? Lots of red flags here. Especially the bullying combined with social skills.

But listen whilst if there is a chance you might want to be nice and signpost him towards people who can help him develop better skills, you two are either right together or not. And that's your call. it's not a hard equation: is the great in private better than the embrassment? I fnot then it is not working but it was close.

I thought AS too. And I kept thinking of DS2 in 20 yrs time

Hearing about how his workmates treat him really makes me feel sad for him, but why is he so rude to your friends? Have you talked about it with him?

Those friends sound fucking disgusting.

Maybe he does have Aspergers or somesuch ? Any problems he does have will be made much worse by mindles cretins, poor bloke.

Ok I'm going to sound even worse now but I liked his work mates they were funny, confident, loyal (the glasses guy wasn't part of this group, he just happened to be in the same pub) and were generally fun to be around. The "Grandad" comments are simply said because DP hasn't told them that he doesn't like it, they thinks he's fine with it and to be fair he does act a lot older than his age which inspires the nickname.

DP just doesn't get humour. For instance one of the guys in the group struggles with his weight, a song came on the karaoke thing saying "who ate all the pies" and DP immediately pointed to the large bloke and burst out laughing. Nobody was amused. He doesn't get the line between having a laugh and being horribly offensive.

No.

Do the poor bloke a favour and let him move on and find a girlfriend who might not side with the bullies, like you appear to do.

Do you love him? If you do, stay and make it work. If you don't then you have to finish with him.

Yes, you are right, it does make it sound even worse

I think he could have AS yes. He is painfully shy and very nervous. I went to see a band with him last week and he spent the entire time fiddling with the buttons on his collar and rubbing his neck because he didn't know what to do with his hands. He can never just relax. I have talked about his rudeness towards other people and he says he doesn't realise he's doing it.