I know I shouldn't, but I find DP embarrassing :-(

[Christiola]

In private DP and I get on great, we have a laugh and like the same things. In public however I find him so embarrassing :-( I know how shallow and bitchy this is going to sound but I'm always terrified of bumping into someone I know when we're together because he says really inappropriate things (almost aspergers like) and often comes across as rude and strange. For instance someone could be mid sentance and he'll suddenly cut in with "yeah, bye" and walk off!! often leaving me stood there like an idiot having to apologise with my face and scuttle off behind him.
Anyway last weekend he'd asked me to go out with him for his friends birthday night out. I agreed but I noticed he really does stand out like a sore thumb. People just take the piss out of him, one bloke in a bar recognised him from work and shouted "oh that bloke is a fucking legend!" before running up to DP, taking his glasses off his face, putting them on himself and walking around doing impressions of DP for everyone to laugh at. DP just stood there awkwardly playing with the buttons on his shirt like a bullied school boy. In the end I took the glasses off the bloke. It was so awkward all night, I felt so out of place, even the bloke who's birthday it was kept calling DP "grandad" as apparently that's what he's known as at work. He was even awkward with the bouncers asking if it was ok to go in etc. Everyone just laughs at him

Anyway this coming weekend my friend has invited me out with her and her boyfriend. He's in the army, he's funny, sociable etc - I agreed but DP got wind of it and wants to come but now I just want to back out. I know how horrible this is but I can't face the thought of taking him out with my friends. He'll embarrass me, I know he will.

I don't WANT to feel like this but I can't help it. I never enjoy being out in public with him unless I know it's somewhere I won't bump into anyone I know but even then, he manages to embarrass me in front of strangers.

I suppose my question is, if I feel like this, we shouldn't really be together, should we? despite how much we get on in private.

Yes, OP it does seem that social skills are important to you (as they are with me), there is nothing wrong with that at all.

That's why it's best to call it a day. He probably knows that he embarrasses you and in the long run it's not doing his self-esteem any favours.

You can't have a relationship in which you just want to lock him away and play indoors.

Good luck OP

How long have you been dating?

Is there any possibility you could split up, but stay friends?

I won't diagnose over the internet, but I had a similar issue with a guy I was dating a few years ago. He had/has aspergers but doesn't sound as "bad" as your guy to be honest as he had a couple of mates that he lived with and a job with prospects.

However, he did have a range of issues. He had the same difficulty with taking social cues in conversation and always interrupting with his own story or view and making the other person feel like he was never listening to them (which he barely was to be honest). He was very awkward.

I couldn't see myself introducing him to MY friends (he lived a distance away so didn't really meet them) because I would be hugely embarrassed.. he just wouldn't fit in with thier laid back/loud ways either, despite them being very friendly.

In the end I felt enormously guilty splitting up with him (this wasn't the only issue), because I know I was his first girlfriend (and actually I don't believe he has had a girlfriend since) but I couldn't imagine being with him for much longer. His happiness was not my responsibility and as soon as I came to terms with that I ended it, but we remain on good terms, although don't really talk that often now.

I would end it for both of your sakes.

How fucking horrible I feel absolutely awful for this man. If that was my partner I would have been fucking outraged by arseholes like that even speaking to him and I would have stood up for him and told them where to go. If this didn't make you really angry and instead you were looking around at his other mates thinking how wonderful and hilarious they were in comparison then I'd say without a doubt this relationship is not for you.

Let him down gently and let him find someone who thinks he's amazing.

My ex was a bit like this - not really socially awkward as such but didn't have many friends and had NO hobbies of his own. He would trail along after me to all my activities and then when I wasn't with him I felt like he was sitting at home waiting for me to invite him out again! That isn't the way a relationship should be at all, and I felt responsible for him and when he went out - I felt smothered and had to end it. If you don't love him, don't stay withhim out of guilt

How much do you really care for him?
It is possible to help him acquire missing social skills.. it really is! He does sound VERY likely to be on the autistic spectrum and yes that means he doesn't naturally 'get' social clues etc but it doesn't mean that you can't guide him towards more acceptable behaviour in social situations!

I have an autistic teenager . My friend's husband has Aspergers. Both of us have TAUGHT them how to act in every social situation, and bit by bit they have learnt some of the rules.. like not walking away mid conversation, waiting turn to speak, acknowledging someone who comes into the room etc etc. It can be done and 'my dp is shy/has AS' goes a long way in enabling others to overlook social gaffs.

If his other qualities are those you value, well his social skills are worth working on:) If they are not, then breaking it off kindly but firmly is the way forward...

just remember op

ridicule is nothing to be scared of