Need to vent I have no one else to talk to.

[ThankyouWankyou]

and I'm too ashamed to talk to family.

Dh just went mad. He's smashed up a room upstairs, not too sure which room, it might be our bedroom. Don't won't to look yet.
Smashed the glass in the front door by throwing the stair gate through it. Spat his food out of his mouth in the kitchen and called our son a cunt.
Things have been tense here, it's been a long time since he's smashed up things though, but he flipped tonight.
I called him a twat, and shouted at him to stop smashing the front door, said I hated him.
Still don't know what triggered it off. I asked him what made him do that, he said it because of how I've been lately.
I hate it here at the moment. Feel lonely and trapped.

Personally I'd call the police get it logged and get him removed... permanently.

Call the police, you aren't safe

I second babyhammock's advice.

Call 999 immediately.

Oh sweetie I'm so sorry. You must be very frightened for you and your DS. Has he left? If he hasn't I would tell him to or you and your DS need to go else where until he calms down.
What triggered it?

How old is your son? Do you have other DC? Make sure they, and you, are safe as quickly as possible. Leave immediately if you have to. Um, this is not normal behaviour btw in case you are unsure.

and please don't feel ashamed.

There is no need for you to leave your home with ds on a cold winter's night and fetch up on someone's doorstep like refugees.

The best place for him to calm down is in a police station. This is not the first time he's behaved in this manner and it won't be the last.

To afford you and your ds the protection you need from his foul mouth and his violent outbursts, this incident needs to be logged by the police.

There are no 'ifs' and no 'buts'. If you haven't already done so, dial 999 and when the police arrive tell the that you are scared of him - because, given his behaviour, I can't believe that anyone wouldn't be.

I don't have the guts to call the police on him.
He's upstairs me and the kids are downstairs watching cartoons.
I'm not in real danger, he won't hit me or kids, he never ever has, he just has anger management problems.
Just need to vent.
No one knows this about him. How he can lose it so spectacularly.
I've never told anyone how he is.
Things are tense here, have been for a while.
I told him a few months ago I didnt feel the same about him, that as much as I love him, it's a love like for a brother. Not as a husband. Being in that position has made me depressed in the home. That's why it's been tense.

Do you really want your ds to grow up on that kind of environment? Call the police to at least get it logged, go and see a solicitor tomorrow and apply for an ex parte injunction and occupation order to get him out of the house. He doesn't have to have hit you. You can't carry on living like this, you've said yourself you don't feel the same about him.

He came in earlier and asked me if I wanted a divorce.
Put on the spot, I said I don't know.
He said he's asking because I told him I hate him.

I told him if we divorce I move back to my home town, 4 hours drive away, he said if I go I'm not taking the kids. He would want his mum to have them. There's no chance that will happen.
I feel so guilty. So ashamed, so stupid I'm in this position. I actually hate myself for being so dumb to fall into this mess. I'm 26. I've fucked up so early into my life.

He wouldn't get the kids, neither would his mother. He could still see them if they were four hours away, plenty of dads do. Don't beat yourself up about it.

You must at the very least get this logged. If you split up you will need to have it logged esp if he's going to threaten custody of the dc.

Also stop giving away any intentions you have (i.e moving away), it will make it much harder to get away from this situation.

You can/will be ok x

Sweetie I fucked up at 22. Married my high school sweetheart. He turned violent towards me and smashed the house up. All the time. One day enough was enough and I left. Never looked back. Yes it's scary but you must do it for your DCs mental and physical wellbeing. Please.

Please call the police, OP. You say you're downstairs watching TV with the kids but they know something is up.

I was a witness to dv as a kid and it's never really left me. You and your DCs deserve better than this. Big hugs.

What I should have added is that a few years down the track I'm married to the best man in the world, with 3 DC and I don't spend any of my life living in fear. Not being afraid anymore is the best feeling in the world.

Please leave.

Your excuse for not taking action to protect yourself and your dcs from the spectacle of their father acting out deserves the proverbial biscuit.

he just has anger management problems Guess what, honey? Many of us get angry at other people. Many of us get extremely angry when life doesn't go our way.

But we do NOT vent our anger by calling our children 'cunts' and smashing up our homes because we have moral scruple and moral standards that we endeavour to live up to at all times.

The worthless piece of gobshite you're married to is worthy of the c-u-n-t word. Prefaced by 'spineless' because he has no moral backbone.

Either he ships out or you ship out with the dcs because the pair of you together are setting the most appalling example for your children, who undoubtedly have already been damaged by what they've seen and heard in what should be the inviolate safety and security of their childhood home.

Put your feelings of guilt and shame to good use by resolving to make your dcs' childhoods memorable for all of the right reasons.

Well said izzy

I really want to move. But it's so complicated. This is not a normal relationship that I can just walk away from, there are elements that will always be around and hovering over my head.

I feel more guilty about moving the kids away from his mother, because despite what he said earlier about the custody and his mum, I'm really close to her. She does so much for me and the kids and she loves them so much. They are her only grandchildren. I know she would want me to do the right thing Essentially, but it's the consequence of taking them away that would break her heart.

Kids have gone to bed now, there is another bed indd room that I will sleep in tonight.
Dh is upstairs in the bedroom in the bed. House is quiet now, but there's glass by the front door, his chewed up food on the kitchen floor, and god know what he's done to his work room upstairs, as I heard him totally smash it up. He's self employed and there's a lot of money's worth of stock up in his work rooms, so how much damage there is is making me nervous thinking of it. Bet I'll have to clean everything up like always. He never does, even though the dc are around.
he said it was my fault he blew up. It's wrong how he reacted, but in alot of ways it's true. I haven't been easy to live with lately. I told him before, he should leave me and be with someone who can give him what he really deserves. Someone who really loves him like a wife should, and enjoy being intimate with him etc, But he refused. told me he'd give me space, but I knew it wouldn't fix things.

Don't want to move back because I don't want all the questions. There is so much involved in moving, I can't focus it all.
got no money anyway, though maybe mil would help.

How old are your DCs/DS? Is DS old enough to understand what his father has said to him? You are not safe with your H. Please do what other posters have advised and call the police. You say you don't have the guts to call the police - well, sorry to be harsh, but this is also about your DCs. For them, you need to have the guts. This is not your fault - no-one is making him behave like this.

Sony want to sound harsh because I know how scary it all seems but grow a back bone, this mans not right in the head. Hrs destroyed your self worth and is a shit bag.

Do it because you want to save yourself and most importantly your children.

Well it's good to offload. Even if I don't take the advice. Not because of anything other than I'm confused at what to do. Closest family is my family a 4 hour drive away. I have a car, but I've never driven on the motorway before, and I passed my test early this year, so am a relatively new driver. I'll have the kids in the back, don't want to jepodise their safety. Sounds pathetic, but I'd rather not drive the 4 hours on the motorway. Not yet.
Feel bit better. Still little nervous thinking bout tomorrow in morning.
He hasn't spoken to me since he went upstairs. Its so quiet now, I feel a bit surreal. Still unsure what 2 yr old ds did for dh to snap like that.

OK, I may need to leave this thread. Before I go, though:

1. You don't need to leave your house.
2. a 2 yr old DS will never have done anything to deserve being called a cunt by his father. Never.
3. It is, of course, up to you whether you take the advice. But please have a think about what's happened and re-read the thread.

He called a 2 yr old a c**t. :(

This is going to sound harsh but you need to stop worrying about what people think or upsetting his mother and start thinking about your children because growing up like this will be awful for them.

You need to call the police when he behaves like this.

I feel sorry for your poor kids. What a sad home for your children to grow up in. They must be so scared.