Is she trying to ruin my marriage?

[oceana]

Hi everyone. I haven't been here for ages. I just don't know where to turn with this. It is driving me crazy and I thought maybe if I post it here then it might help... I don't know. OK, so my husband went out with work a couple of days ago. I got a (very drunken) phonecall from him to tell me that one of the women who work for him (lets call her woman A) put lipstick marks on his collar. I've never met this woman and I told him I was angry that she'd mess with my marriage like that. He got abusive with me and hung up. The following day I was absolutely furious about it and I was going to go into his office to have a chat with woman A (this is unlike me. I do not like confrontation but I really felt this was completely unacceptable behaviour). Anyway, my husband came home at lunchtime. Everyone in his office knew he was coming home and knew why. About 40 mins after he left (so she knew he would have been home) she starts sending him texts, really overly familiar texts calling him nicknames and "hun" etc. She says in these texts that there are photos of him on another girl's phone that "ya wife wouldn't want to see". She is making out that there are these really incriminating photos. So bad that one has been deleted so that the girl who's phone it was on wouldn't "get in trouble with her boyfriend and your wife". He called the girl with the pics and asked her about them. she said it was just a pic of three of the girls sort of hanging off him and she was kissing him on the cheek. Anyway, I don't know if that's true or not. all I can think is that there is absolutely no reason for woman A to be texting him about this. I don't know this girl who apparently has these photos nor would I ever have access to these pictures so why the need to text my husband about it when she knows he is with me?? My head is spinning. My husband says he's had stern words with woman A and that she knows now she has to keep it professional... but I don't know. Now I am doubting everything. I have never encountered anything like this before and I really don't know what to do or how to handle it. I'd really really really love any help anyone can give me. I live away from home (other side of the world!) and I really have no support here.
If you've read to here... well done :) and thanks xx

Sounds to me like a stupid pissed night out and some of the girls at the office who clearly hate themselves have nothing better going on in their lives than to do this for kicks. If you trust you husband, I'd try and let it pass. Sounds like he has been really open with you. Try not to let it come between you and your DH, better to join together as a team against them and their childish ways.

OP, I didn't get the impression you were going to storm into his office and start shouting the odds

I was very concerned with how you were letting our husband off the hook though

and that you still are

your husband, of course

"you can't drag your private life into the workplace" I didn't!! Jesus. The workplace dragged itself into my life.

Exactly Pintandchips.

oceana I totally agree

except, your husband allowed it

the "workplace" didn't do it all by itself

Oceana, I believe you.
And I am in total agreement with Pintandchips.
Load of drunken nonsense that has invaded your life. Just make sure that your DH knows that this behaviour is intolerable.
How does everyone else think that OP saw the text messages?

Because he showed her. That's how. Hardly incriminating then.

Absolutely, AF. You are 100% right. I know that. He's definitely not innocent here. At the very least he's created an environment where this is acceptable. He says he's going to stop drinking. Who knows.
As for MJ, I said I was going to have a CHAT with woman A. Not scream at everyone. Yes, I used the word confrontation... In that I AVOID it. If you still don't think your assessment of me was unfair well I'm telling you now, it was. Whatever psycho you've decided I am, I'm not

I absolutely feel like crap now. I don't need to defend myself on here. I just wanted some female help, from other women with children and families. I just didn't want to feel so far from home and so alone. Anyway, lesson learnt. For those of you who were helpful, thank you.

I agree with tadpoles. If it is a prank by the woman then the best way to take the wind out of her sails is to totally ignore her.

mj stop trying to wind the OP up

wtf is wrong with you ?

why don't you back off ?

now you are putting words in my mouth?

why ?

you have a problem, seriously

Wow, OP has had a hard time all because of a throw away angry comment about speaking to this silly twat at her husbands work place

OP, I think you need to speak to your husband again and tell him how shit he has made you feel and then see if you can move on.

coming from the women who is still steaming from her DH's behaviour 7 years ago

quote me if you like, mj

but did you see "oceana, you need to leave your husband" ?

no, you didn't

Op has accepted my sentiments

yes

has she accepted yours ?

no

shall I give you a clue as to why ?

because mine, although very scathing of her husband, lay no blame at her door

whereas yours seem hell bent on persuading her that this is all her fault

which is very far from the truth

are you on a different thread, mj ?

I don't see her agreeing with anybody

but she is completely rejecting you

is that a "mumsnet first" ?

or a "shock" ?

I didn't miss that post, mj

I took her to mean she agreed with me that her husband was at fault

and that she disagreed that she was at fault

which is what you are saying

you keep quoting people, mj, with very little insight into what they are actually saying

just FYI