Is she trying to ruin my marriage?

[oceana]

Hi everyone. I haven't been here for ages. I just don't know where to turn with this. It is driving me crazy and I thought maybe if I post it here then it might help... I don't know. OK, so my husband went out with work a couple of days ago. I got a (very drunken) phonecall from him to tell me that one of the women who work for him (lets call her woman A) put lipstick marks on his collar. I've never met this woman and I told him I was angry that she'd mess with my marriage like that. He got abusive with me and hung up. The following day I was absolutely furious about it and I was going to go into his office to have a chat with woman A (this is unlike me. I do not like confrontation but I really felt this was completely unacceptable behaviour). Anyway, my husband came home at lunchtime. Everyone in his office knew he was coming home and knew why. About 40 mins after he left (so she knew he would have been home) she starts sending him texts, really overly familiar texts calling him nicknames and "hun" etc. She says in these texts that there are photos of him on another girl's phone that "ya wife wouldn't want to see". She is making out that there are these really incriminating photos. So bad that one has been deleted so that the girl who's phone it was on wouldn't "get in trouble with her boyfriend and your wife". He called the girl with the pics and asked her about them. she said it was just a pic of three of the girls sort of hanging off him and she was kissing him on the cheek. Anyway, I don't know if that's true or not. all I can think is that there is absolutely no reason for woman A to be texting him about this. I don't know this girl who apparently has these photos nor would I ever have access to these pictures so why the need to text my husband about it when she knows he is with me?? My head is spinning. My husband says he's had stern words with woman A and that she knows now she has to keep it professional... but I don't know. Now I am doubting everything. I have never encountered anything like this before and I really don't know what to do or how to handle it. I'd really really really love any help anyone can give me. I live away from home (other side of the world!) and I really have no support here.
If you've read to here... well done :) and thanks xx

I agree with SGB. Could be completely innocent, might not be, depends a lot on how he's behaved in the past and whether he is normally a lot more respectful towards you. I don't think wanting to avoid a workplace confrontation by the OP is that suspicious in itself.

This is silly.

xposts PKOD

mj

has your husband/partner ever got involved in "workplace silliness that went too far" ?

that is the only reason I can think of for why you seem hell-bent on cutting this twat some slack, and dismissing the shitty experience the OP is being put through because of her husband's immaturity (and possible infidelity)

for anyone blaming the blokes colleagues for this...you are blaming the wrong people here

if this were my H...the buck would stop totally and utterly on his shoulders

anybody who allowed me to be the butt of a worklace "joke" for whatever reason would be fucked off outta my life quicker than quick

So why on earth are you trying to excuse the OP's husband's seeming determination to be in this position?

It doesn't sound like a one off given how she describes his behaviour/character

right, mj, you made those decisions for a reason

I agree with them

so why are you trying to persuade OP to excuse someone who has made such bad decisions, then ?

why are you actually trying to convince her that she is the one with the problem ?

I find that odd, and unsettlng

unsettling

sorry AF

you have this one covered

jane, you and me do

"there is a lot going on"

that is correct

all because of the OP's partner

he invited this crap into their relationship

I like my relationship to be drama-free

or at least for any "drama" to be created by just me and him

letting randoms into your relationship is unforgiveable

he did that, by his actions

he was up to no good, because let's face it, if he was the soul of discretion and propriety, this would never have happened

he needs to answer why it happened

he hasn't answered why sufficiently

a strong relationship, with partners that can be trusted, would simply have no chinks this wide

look at the chinks OP....and ask yourself why they are there

Actually, there's one more thing I would like to know (and the OP has not answered on whether or not the H has form for breaches of monogamy) - OP, do you have form for aggressive, irrational jealousy? Wanting to storm into someone else's workplace and accuse everyone in sight of 'disrespecting your marriage' is a bit extreme, and if you are inclined to make a big deal out of policing your husband's behaviour, it might be worth looking at why, and whether it's justified or not.

Not to calm a jealous wife, to calm an angry wife but apart from that, yes, I know you're right. I've never really bothered about their childish behaviour before (oh an incidentally, that's what his industry is like. He's not an accountant or something. He is basically the boss. When I said he'd emailled his boss, that's the owner of the company who isn't in all the time. I think he wanted something official in writing about it) anyway that's all beside the point. I know I need to get over it and stop being the cause of problems in my marriage but I'm just so angry that someone would try to hurt a woman they've never met, try to hurt a family. I guess I was naive.

Your OH needs to grow up OP. You are not the cause of the problems in your marriage, the antics of your DH are causing the problems.
He needs to grow up and like a boss and not like a bloody stud. He has obviously been encouraging these womens behaviour and it has back fired big time.
Don't blame it all on the women look closer to home for the poor behaviour.

he is the boss ?

and he lets his employees take the piss in this way ?

they have something on him

don't you get it ?

I was under the impression he must be the tea boy or summat (not that this kind of behaviour was acceptable at any level...)

Oh whoa! I didn't see the second page! Wow, who ever said I was going to storm into his office cause a "massive scene" and "accuse everyone in sight" of disrespecting my marriage?!?? Wow! I really would be unhinged (and my marriage would not have survived this far). I was only going to talk to this one woman privately and I even said that would be out of character for me. As it happens I didn't.
I don't know why I posted here. I forgot how these treads get. I am on my own and just wanted some help from other women. Forget about it. I'm not crazy and neither is it an option for my husband to not go out with his work. It's part of the industry. But nevermind.

I know why you posted here

I did say that but where did you get from that that I was going to be causing a huge scene and accusing everyone in sight? That's a bit unfair, isn't it?

God they all sound so pathetic. I would ignore all of them and do your own thing.

Take away all their silly little power crap and just get on with your own life.