Thank you all so much for your replies and I'm glad there was a mixed response as I didn't just want the "oh he's a shit" responses as I know it takes two people to create a situation and there are two peoples feelings involved.
Melted chocolate - yes, I totally get that he must have felt rejected, he told me ages ago he felt left out. From my point, what was supposed to be a short term thing has turned into a long term thing because he just stopped helping, punishing me as he said because I "shoved him in the spare room". It wasn'n intended to be like but then the less he helped me the more I resented him.
As a stay at home mum I absolutely do not expect my boyfriend to clean the house, do all of the washing, do the food shopping etc, of course not. His job during the day is working and bringing in the money (by the way, he works 5 minutes walk away running his own business, which yes, has many pressures I'm sure but some men do a long commute, have a high pressured job then still manage to help out). My job during the day/night is looking after the baby and the home. I am fine with that, that is my role. However, I do not expect to have to cook a meal every night, then wash up afterwards every single night. He used to cook lots before the baby was born,maybe more than me as he enjoyed cooking. BUt my point is, since we have had separate rooms he now doesn't do that.
Surely it is not unfair to expect some help in the evenings and at weekends? I don't mean cleaning the house etc. I mean, washing up? Empyting the bin? It is extremely tiring having a baby, it's 24/7, not just working hours so aren't men supposed to help out when they are not at work? Although to be fair, my partner works all of the time, weekends, all of the time. He is a work obsessed man. So in our first year with baby we have barely done a thing as a family. It feels like he hasn't got time. Yes, it's great he has such a strong work ethic, but there has to be a balance right?
"Whatsyourexcuse" - thank you for some positive vibes! My Mum has basically told me to do the same thing and hope that things will get better. "if you BOTH don't try then it's never going to work". I'm glad for you that your relationship has got better.
Sandyballs - Yes, the baby still sleeps in my room which I am well aware is soon to be a problem. Thing is, I just cannot imagine sleeping in the same bed as partner now, and he doesn't seem bothered either.
The money issue :
"Melted Chocolate" - my partner feels that the money should go to him for bills etc just as you do as I don't provide any money within the relationship. The nappies/food etc are paid for with Child Benefit and he pays for the mortgage (it's his flat) and bills and food. Part of me can understand that point of view, yet, the other part of me feels that a stay at home mother works bloody hard doing everything and gets paid nothing for it, she can't earn money whilst she is caring for a child 24/7 so is therefore controlled by her partner who holds the purse strings. Does that make sense?
-SansaLannister - yes, a team, that is how it should be. Joint accounts etc and it all goes into one. Except he has a job and money and I don't have a job or hardly any savings so it is separate. Money and jobs have always been an issue because I've not had the big career even though I have a degree etc and he is very work orientated.
It does feel like pocket money to look after our child/ do housework etc. And now he is saying he won't give me any due to me getting £60 per week of Child Tax Credit (I buy her food/clothes/nappies etc with that).
"Sootysweepand Sue" - it does have a lot to do with family life during childhood I guess. His Dad never did a thing to help his Mum, still doesn't, he just worked and she does everything.They have separate financial accounts etc. Whereas I grew up seeing my Dad always wash up after my Mum cooked a meal, they have a joint account, money has never been an issue for them etc. Totally different childhoods we had. His unhappy, mine very happy. He thinks his dad is an arse for not helping out his mum, yet here he is turning into his father.
Maybe I have turned into a mumzilla through a mixture of hormones, no sleep, overactive thyroid exhaustion, ....but also, I am quite sure that it's not supposed to be like this (yes I have created part of it with the sleeping apart thing but...)....maybe it's just me, maybe I expect too much. All I know is that yes, I haven't been nice at times to him, but the pressures of a new baby, a partner who went from working outside the home to suddenly working inside the home for 9 months starting a new businesws, working ALL the time with no time for baby or to help or do things as a family has taken it's toll.
It's a lot for both people to take in one year. And if you can't communicate then how do you ever get past all the resentment? I have tried to talk to him but we get nowhere. So now we just say very little and it's all swept under the carpet as always simmering away instead of sitting down as adults and trying to sort it. It just ends up with insults.
Thanks again for your honest replies.
I'm now having a good cry x