Belting out Adele songs to your 27 cats... dating chat thread #5

[lubeybooby]

New one! Off we go :o All kind of dating, chat here.

disclaimer - I have had too much wine

Haven't had a reply off Mr Muscles all day, was getting concerned that I had been set up... again

History, ex from 6 years ago has had a campaign of stalking and scary behaviour. From getting a job in my home town (not his) so he gets to drive past house every day, to setting up fake profiles on dating sites to speak to me. It's been a difficult thing to deal with

So I text Muscles to say getting concerned that he could be a set up - even though I have spoken to him on the phone, I can't put it past ex not to have someone speak to me

Got a text back to say it isn't ex and a photo of him at work now. He says he really wants to meet me and will asap. I'm so scared ex has set this up, he knows what sort of man I like, he knows what things will interest me and how to push my buttons.

So confused tonight, I really need to meet this man to check him out further. I know he is real but is it ex using a real person to get to me??? I wish he would drop dead!! I wish I didn't have to deal with his legacy 6 years later. Been left so paranoid by this fuckwit

and if muscles is real, he must think I'm a total nutjob to be thinking he is ex... arrgghh

Oh.

You know my new friend? She's been doing a bit of digging for me and turns out newest ex is well known as a player. She didn't know because she's a new gf of his mate. She told his mate about me dumping him and he was surprised apparently because he seemed so into me (wasn't just me then that thought that) but he said the messing about on pof did sound like him.

Siiiggghhhhh... oh well I'm well rid already so [shrug]

Time!! I've had wonderful a few times in different ways and even beyond wonderful once!... trust me it exists! :o

MsCello awww love :( try and relax sending the pic of him at work sounds like a very genuine gesture

MrsC I agree with lubey, he does sound genuine, try not to worry and also try not to let your ex spoil what is a fun time for you.

lubey sounds like you had a lucky escape there! As for wonderful, well, I can live in hope

Last time ex tried to set me up was in august - profile and msn all made up but caught him out within a few hours

How can one person screw up your life for so long?

Muscles is being sweet but my insecurities (along with wine) are really going to mess things up before it even starts.

If muscles was average looking then I wouldn't be so effed up - the fact that physically he is my ideal man - the ideal man that ex keeps trying to catch me out with - I would relax a bit

MrsC They can try to screw up our lives but they will only manage it if we let them. We are in control now, not the ex.

You can either give up on the dating so that the ex can't possibly set you up again or you can trust that you are worthy of being contacted by a completely decent guy because he likes you and wants to meet you.

What Time said, MsCello

You caught the set up one very early on, and this chap seems v genuine.

Think positive instead of thinking 'my issues will mess this up',... you should think 'I have a grip on my issues and I'm worthy of this genuine great bloke'

If you are going to have a self fulfilling prophecy, make it a good and happy and positive one, that's half the battle :)

pattern of contact has been sporadic, he's working nights so not much daytime, lots during the early evening and before my bedtime

He was more texty last night, still won't agree to find the time to meet (I suggested MacD breakfast on way home from work as I'm always up early) He said that he is terrified of being hurt. So, I have decided to step back, let him make all the running and see. If he's too damaged from losing wife, then so be it

Such a shame as he is absolutely physically beautiful lol

mscello - hmmm. i think you would be wise to take a step back as well.

sponge - farting and calling you baby. see. awful! good for a shag but not good for dating. lol

zany - update :)

Ive hidden my profile on pof this morning. I reactived my okc one yesterday to peek at zanys date, so cant hide that for another week.

im going to keep talking to this one guy, because he might be interesting. Actually, i doubt that. Scrap that.

Im done with dating until the new year. I had a bit of a panic momment on the way to my date yesterday, i was like ' wtaf am i even doing, i dont want to be doing this'. So i think thats a pretty sure sign im done for the momment. Im all dated out ( too many dates. Ive dated 10 different men since the summer and thats quite enough... i thnk its 10. i cant even remember).

But i hope i can still come on this thread?

Yes, MrsC in light of the new information I think you should take a step back too. He doesn't sound ready for dating yet, he might be using the site more as an ego boost right now.

I'm hiding my profile until after Christmas too then I am coming back to it with renewed vigour!! And I hope I can still come onto this thread too??

I usually do the hiding my profile til after xmas thing but I really don't want another xmas with no possible lurve interest! Last year wasn't too bad as I had ex but we spent it AND new year totally apart as we both had too much family stuff on and it had only been 6 months then so felt it too soon to be doing the cosy family together thing and all the introductions etc. So yeah it would be nice to at least have a possibility on the horizon around then.

But anyway yes any profile hiders Watch and Time you are still required on this thread to help me revamp my profile when I do it and give me your wise advice when I suspect yet another player for lots of chatting. It wouldn't be the same without you!

MsC yeah I agree with the others. He sounds like he is going to be too much hard work if he won't meet and already says things like scared of being hurt blah blah. You could keep him on the backburner in case he ever gets his act together but otherwise.....Next!

I wonder how Charlottesmum is getting on and if she went to Dubai? Not seen her about on FB or here for a few days.

I don't like the sound of not having time to meet Mscello - he is either keen and wants to meet or he doesn't. I don't like the messing around myself.

Sounds like lots of ups and downs for everyone it seems

As I live abroad I can't really do the internet dating thing except for a few ex-pat chatrooms. I DID meet a very cute Brazilian guy last night when out for Haloween. Too many red flags for anything other than a snog (I admit I behaved rather disgracefully but I have not had a snog in 15 years and at my age am entitled to revert to teenage abandon). It was nice just to have a handsome man make me feel pretty [hgrin]. Although I told him stright away he was NOT coming home with me, he got all huffy at the end of the night when I said I was going home alone so didn't get his number, but as I said way too many red flags anyway. To be honest more like claxton in atomic power plant ready to blow [hshock] though I suspect he would have been an excellent, very considerate lover.

Yaaay!! I'm glad we aren't banned cos I love this thread I do.

I'm not bothered about a love interest over Christmas because I am so looking forward to spending it with DD. It will be our first Christmas together in our home as she was with Him last year. I'm going to have the heating on low all Christmas week too, I've decided!!

I am also going to use the hidden time to shift the weight so that by the time I unhide I have clothes to wear for dates!!

I'm pleased you got a snog skinned but I'm even more pleased you didn't give That Man your number. He might have been an excellent lover but he certainly wouldn't have been boyfriend material. standards!!

Definately stay to chat Watch and Time

Maybe you could both back off MsCello but meet up as friends. It sounds as though he is worried about being hurt and is vunerable the same as you are so it could be worth metting to initially just start a friendship and see how things go.

Hairy Back! I think you have had a lucky escape Snape

We the date went very well and yes I got a snog not a handshake and boy was it good. I fancy him loads and there are definately butterflies but I am slightly worried that the chatting/conversation doesn't necessarily flow with a few silences where we are both thinking of what to talk about next. On the other hand we have both been very nervous and he admits he is a very private person so maybe we just need to get to know each other more. His family are very important to him which I love as I adore all my family.

And the dog was very well behaved, just lay down to sleep on the other sofa on top of his coat

Zany that's lovely! I'm so pleased you got a snog, although a handshake and a pat on the back would have been more of a laugh

I wouldn't worry about the little silences at this stage, it's probably nerves and a feeling of being under pressure. Just relax and go with it

Hmmm... I could be tempted to do the same actually Time, and not bother re-doing and re instating my profiles yet, but keep my efforts to meet anyone limited to RL to force me to put down the damned Whole Nut and GO OUT :o

Zany that's soooo excellent! Don't worry about the silences... nerves are a bugger for that. You'll get better as you along and relax a bit more I'm sure. Oooh big --> :o for you!

Ooooo - good snogs all round it seems! Glad you had a good time too zany

At least I have been cured of my 'woe is me, why doesn't anyone want to spend time with me'. This guy said wanted to spend all of Sunday with me getting to know each other (preferably in bed by the sounds of it, but he is an environmentalist so wanted to go to the countryside walking etc) then see what happened on Monday morning [hconfused] but he thought we would make a great couple. Is this what he thinks women want to hear?????? I could envisage him changeing his FB status to 'in a relationship' 1st thing Monday. All a bit quick for me!!!

Zany that's great news! And I think a few silences are fine at this stage, it's only nerves :)

MsCello, I think stepping back is a good idea. I do know of guys (and women to be fair) who are on sites and do use it a bit as an ego boost of getting messages, chatting etc, but actually aren't ready to meet anyone...

Time/Watch no you have to stay on the thread! I am in two minds about giving up and hiding my profile for a bit. There are a couple of guys messaging me who I might consider going on a date with, so will see what pans out there and then decide in the next week or so.

Nothing from Fri night man. But he has been on POF so I think I probably won't be hearing from him again. Which is not the end of the world! Have remembered that Scouting for Girls was one of his favourite bands . Plus also I think we look a bit alike (though admittedly he's far more attractive than me), all big dark eyes. Reminds me why I always go for blue eyed men!

So not sad, quite pleased the drought is finally over. And had the best night's sleep in ages last night, probably because with the annoying cuddling and the snoring I only got a couple of hours sleep on Friday!

Glad you got a snog Zany. I've been trawling through the last pages of the thread waiting for your update .

It was interesting reading the stuff about size and body image. I am a fairly curvy size 8 and receive a lot of complimentary comments from both genders about my figure. But I have the worst body image of anyone I know. It's so bad I find it excruciating to take my top off and get naked with someone. With clothes and a decent bra on (ie with a little shaping and padding) I'm very confident. I can wear a body con dress and feel I look great. But the idea of taking my bra off in front of a new man makes me feel physically ill. Three children have made my breasts look like two deflated balloons. I know I need to get over myself but it's so hard. And it's worse because men assume I'm going to look great. I feel anxious just writing about it.

I'm sort of hoping that fate will send someone my way lubey but in the meantime, it's time to work on me! The Whole Nut has to go, as does the Nutella!

Have you got a hairy back too then sponge I don't believe for one minute that he is far more attractive than you! He farts on a first date, that is not an attractive quality! Looks are just the wrapping paper, it's what's actually inside the package that matters.

It's so sad reading all this stuff about self image. My body isn't perfect but I like it. My boobs are not quite in the position they used to be but they are still there and for that I'm grateful. I 5ft 9 and a half" and I weigh around 12stone or maybe just under, I'm a size 14 but think I look ok. When I lived with Him I weighed 10 and a half stone and was a size 12 but thought I looked fat, I hated my body but that's because of the relationship I was in, he made me feel unattractive because of the way he treated me. I think the change with me has come from being happy. I don't have a job, I don't have bags of money, I live a simple life but I am so bloody happy it's unbelievable! I feel like the richest woman in the World because I have my life back and I have my wonderful DD to share it with. No more depression, no more tears, just lot's of fun and laughter, it's fab! I like to look nice but I'm not aiming for perfection any more. I am who I am and if people don't like me then they can move on and leave space for the person who does