Is this a normal relationship ??

[yellowtang]

I feel very confused atm so sorry in advance if this is all a bit muddled

I am very unhappy but not sure why,I have been with my oh for 14 years and we have 7 children,I feel so traped its crazy,I dont go out anywhere just food shopping,I run the home as you do,but somethings not right,I dont feel like I am me anymore,I dont really feel much anymore at all,I do everything to please my children and oh which I know is part of being a mum etc but I do and act like oh wants me to,I dont go out because Ill miss a job and hell moan,I dont see my friends because he will moan,he wont let me on fb,he doesnt like me to wear make up/perfume,I think the person I am today is who he wants me to be and not who I was/am.

We have always been close,from day 1 so I thought I didnt need friends because I had him,
Another thing I noticed is he says one thing and does another,last week I text my best friend from school,and said we would meet for coffee,it took me 3 days to tell him I was meeting her ,because I knew what his reaction would be,then he thought I was hiding it from him,I only met her because I told my hv I was unhappy and she said why not make contact with her again,when I told him he said I dont mind you going,but he moaned for a good 2 hrs about it?

He says he doesnt want anymore children but then he doesnt use anything,sorry tmi but withdraral,but he forgets? so hes doing the oposit of what hes telling me,I was pregnant withing 4 weeks of meeting him but he knew I wasnt on the pill but told my mum I told him I was on the pill?

If we have spare money,not bill money it always goes his way,he doesnt spend it on himself but he will spend the lot.

He is a good dad takes them to football and swimming etc,he will pick up the shopping,he will put them to bed,takes them out with him,but we dont go out as a family much,we have spent many years doing up our home and it lovely he spend all his wadges on the house,and will leave himself with nothing for the week.

I dont really know why I am putting all this here but I am so unhappy Im not sure what to do,I posted something else on here this week anout my childhood,and hes been great about it,talking to me each night but he doesnt want me to see a counsellor.

He went to bed early last night and I wasnt tired,he said oh its ok if you stay up,as he went up he said Ill wait for you,so I just go up to please him,what I really wanted to do was turn the tv over and stay on the sofa for another hour,He would of said,why dont you want to go to bed at the same time?

Another strange thing Im scared of him, hes not ever hit me but Im scared if I dont please him,he will moan,shout or I dont know,he makes me jump,sounds stupid but not sure why.

I also get anoying comments from him,I phoned him by mistake the other day,he said why who are you ment to be phoning,but its the way he says it,sorry for the rushed/rambled post but Im banging my head here again

Yet again, well Said Izzy. I too believe that they have scored an own goal, all the better for Yellowtang!!!
So pleased you are enjoying you freedom YT you have the rest of your life to keep enjoying it.
Your children will be very proud of their Mum when they are old enough to understand how well you have coped with the problems you are having right now.
Keep posting!! :)

By way of explanation, Ms Bonkers was labouring under the impression that I, in particular, had been caught 'hook, line and sinker' by yt's account of her personal suffering and distress on this thread.

It seems that, insodoing, Ms Bonkers had erroneously assessed my iq to be on a par with her own and thus failed to comprehend that she has oh so predictably risen to my bait.

Well, you made the bait too juicy to swim past!! :):):)

Have just caught up after the weekend and it seems that those deleted messages, which I didn't see before deletion but I gather were spiteful and in keeping with the other stuff we have heard about them, are from the bully and his sister. Well goodness me, how foolish he and his nasty sister have been in exposing themselves and their actions in this way! This will all be good for Yellowtang's case as it is proper proof, in writing, of the abusive nature of YT's xp. How very silly of them, i bet they are regretting it now, that is if they are actually intelligent enough to realise just how much trouble they are going to get into..... Perhaps he has that hideous sinking feeling of dread in his stomach one gets when one senses something bad is gonna happen, I do hope so because it would be good for him to experience just what that kind of nervous feeling is like. The evidence of this cyber bullying could get him into a lot more trouble with the law than he is anticipating, and his sister too.....every time someone knocks at their door they'll have to wonder if it's the police come for them, and try and think of something to say in their defence.
Good on you Yellowtang for standing up to him, sending my very best wishes x x

YT, you superb woman, you.

Isn't it lovely to just have a silly bit of a giggle with your kids?

Absolutely appalled by YTs SIL, although I do think it smacks of desperation to resort to such tactics. I'm a lurker and feel there are much wiser MNetters on this thread who can contribute far more than I can but I wanted to offer some words of support YT. You are brilliant, and clearly very strong and brave. Keep doing what you're doing. As my Great Auntie used to say, "Chin up chicken!"

Nah - that wasn't necessary catherinea, it was just a case of dropping the hook into the water as turds always float to the surface

at Izzy...

for YT and all her army of mn supporters, cheers! :)

Filling up the space
to find a nice safe place
a place that's full of grace
no cyber bully race
you can't just aboutface
YT it's a open and shut case
MN will IP trace.

so sorry, really silly and I know it's a rubbish rhyme!
but YT you've been on my mind.

better days are coming!

Loved it fool, have some join the party:):):)

Just adding my support. YT, you have done amazing to get this far. Don't ever doubt yourself, you're doing the right thing!

You are doing the right thing YT, don't look back.

The sun has long since gone over the yard arm so here's all round and for the teetotallers among us.

A toast to yt

and

Cheers to yt's troops

You know, under the circumstances, could MN close the thread early?

Sorry not to know this - but at what point is this post said to be full?

Wishing you a good recovery YT from all this hideousness, well done for clambering your way out of the pit and saving your dcs x

I dont think they quite understand the Power of mumsnet either - havent they heard that MN is where the politicians come to chinwag before elections, MN is where pressure is applied to change laws, MN is not some playground bitch-fest for bitter man hating feminists - we have claws!!

sometimes other people's stupidity astounds me. My first deleted post celebrated the fact that they had been so stupid to put it all out in the public domain, in print, with traceable IP addresses (well I didnt mention the IP addresses, but.....)

but the BEST thing is that it has made YT even more determined to move on with what, I am sure, will be a wonderfully fulfilling life. maybe start college, maybe start your own business. And a wonderful woman like that, who can still be strong after all she has gone through, and who has raised a bunch of great kids, is not going to be short of admirers once she is ready to find someone who appreciates her.

Good luck to you, lovely.

Sorry again, showing my ignorance meant to say at what point is this thread full?

to YT. to YT! [chocolates and biscuits] to YT!

(my machine is so slow I miss 379 posts in between typing a short sentence and posting it)

Coming out of lurkdom to wish you all the best YellowTang. Keep your chin up! You can do it! x

Toni, 1000 posts.

Toni, I may be wrong but I think a thread can hold upto 1000 posts, so a bit further to go yet!:)

Crossed posts Jux:)

Hi shineon, I do understand where you are coming from and appreciate that people can end up with problems while using any public forum, however, I do think that the same can also be said if you were to confide with people in rl.

By divulging your problems to anyone online or in rl can leave anyone open to their confidence being broken.
But, if someone has no support network in rl and is seeking help on a public forum then I think it is human nature to reach out and help, especially if you have had similar problems.
I agree with you that people should take care. :)