Is this a normal relationship ??

[yellowtang]

I feel very confused atm so sorry in advance if this is all a bit muddled

I am very unhappy but not sure why,I have been with my oh for 14 years and we have 7 children,I feel so traped its crazy,I dont go out anywhere just food shopping,I run the home as you do,but somethings not right,I dont feel like I am me anymore,I dont really feel much anymore at all,I do everything to please my children and oh which I know is part of being a mum etc but I do and act like oh wants me to,I dont go out because Ill miss a job and hell moan,I dont see my friends because he will moan,he wont let me on fb,he doesnt like me to wear make up/perfume,I think the person I am today is who he wants me to be and not who I was/am.

We have always been close,from day 1 so I thought I didnt need friends because I had him,
Another thing I noticed is he says one thing and does another,last week I text my best friend from school,and said we would meet for coffee,it took me 3 days to tell him I was meeting her ,because I knew what his reaction would be,then he thought I was hiding it from him,I only met her because I told my hv I was unhappy and she said why not make contact with her again,when I told him he said I dont mind you going,but he moaned for a good 2 hrs about it?

He says he doesnt want anymore children but then he doesnt use anything,sorry tmi but withdraral,but he forgets? so hes doing the oposit of what hes telling me,I was pregnant withing 4 weeks of meeting him but he knew I wasnt on the pill but told my mum I told him I was on the pill?

If we have spare money,not bill money it always goes his way,he doesnt spend it on himself but he will spend the lot.

He is a good dad takes them to football and swimming etc,he will pick up the shopping,he will put them to bed,takes them out with him,but we dont go out as a family much,we have spent many years doing up our home and it lovely he spend all his wadges on the house,and will leave himself with nothing for the week.

I dont really know why I am putting all this here but I am so unhappy Im not sure what to do,I posted something else on here this week anout my childhood,and hes been great about it,talking to me each night but he doesnt want me to see a counsellor.

He went to bed early last night and I wasnt tired,he said oh its ok if you stay up,as he went up he said Ill wait for you,so I just go up to please him,what I really wanted to do was turn the tv over and stay on the sofa for another hour,He would of said,why dont you want to go to bed at the same time?

Another strange thing Im scared of him, hes not ever hit me but Im scared if I dont please him,he will moan,shout or I dont know,he makes me jump,sounds stupid but not sure why.

I also get anoying comments from him,I phoned him by mistake the other day,he said why who are you ment to be phoning,but its the way he says it,sorry for the rushed/rambled post but Im banging my head here again

keep posting bonkers, dig your hole deeper. Every post is further evidence of cyber bullying as you have, without a shred of doubt, identified yourself.

I can see why you would be posting, but if she is as crazy as you say then i am not really sure why you would care what she is saying to a whole bunch of strangers - what is it to you? what difference does it make unless the advice she is getting here is stopping your arsehole of a brother from getting his slave back. Ive lived through it you see, I recognise the things which are posted that ONLY someone else who has experienced the same could possibly know. And I know the type of things an abuser (and I include you too bonkers, not just your brother) will say to twist and turn when control is slipping from them. I think we predicted something like this a bit further upthread, so you are running true to form.

You cant fool someone who has lived through this, which is why we believe YT way over you. She has no motive, other than to get help. If she was merely a fantasist she wouldnt have left home and be living through this.

Oh, and by the way, in case you didnt get the letter. I believe that there is no contct from now on, unless through her solicitor.....

That last x post of yours actually makes no sense at all????
Are you completely illiterate?

imaybe I hope you can live with yourself. You are trying to bully a vulnerable woman in to returning to an abusive, controlling and very unhappy relationship.

It really is of no significance whether the bail conditions have been dropped or not. That's is just the very tip of the iceberg. The point is she has been treat like a slave for years and year and years. Not allowed to make her own choices, not even allowed to decide whether she becomes pregnant or not

Would you like to live like that, honestly???

I think the best thing you can do is leave her alone and stay out of this.

Enjoy your day at work Imaybe - your lucky, lucky work colleagues

Don't rush back here when you get home.

Yellowtang, I'm sorry to see your SIL is trying to bully you here too.

We're here for you, please don't let her get to you (easier said than done I know).

I hope you're OK.

it could be the husband - dp - who knows - either way bullying yes and very nasty tbh - cyberbullying - hope youre proud of yourself - whatever next!!

Looks like my responses have been deleted???
Just want to say keep strong YellowTang. :)

WOW yellow tang...My weekend has been awful...but it looks like your abusers have followed you even onto the net. Poor babe,

keep your sense of perspective..they must be so desperate...cos they realise that you now know what is going on, and you are too strong and too good to put up with it or let your children live through this any more.

DO NOT LET THEM DRIVE YOU BACK.

You are precious, you deserve to be respected, loved and encouraged just for being you. You are taking back your life, it's not theirs to steal from you.

Look all these women believe and support you, me too. WE KNOW it is true, WE KNOW how much courage it takes to get out of there...Keep going.

I am horrified that they (the messages had been deleted ) could step onto the thread.

I have no idea what was hoped to be achieved (bullying YT back into the relAationship) but I'm hoping that the exact opposite has been achieved(YT sees that things will never change at home and this is the proof).

Good Luck YT with this level of shit you'll need all the support you can find.

YT I hope you have recovered from your weekend.

Can you please go and visit your GP and see if you have an infection or not? I have been thinking of you all weekend and if I were anywhere near you (I am in London) I would just take you out for a cup of tea and offer a shoulder to cry on.

Don't let yourself to be bullied away from MN, they have shown themselves up to what they truly are, despicable, abusive individuals with absolutely no decency, compassion or kindness

I admire you for raising 7 kids (plus fish). Please keep posting, I am sure Mumsnet admin can block their IP addresses.

Thats what I have just told her - to come on here and try to silence her is a certain sign of desperation. But do they think thay they will be able to cut her off from online support?? Its ridiculous. She has so much support behind her now, so many regulars of MN who can contact her directly through PMs, that even if she never posted again, she would still not be cut off.

In a way it is a shame that MN stepped in so quickly, although I understand why. Its just that a screen shot of those messages would have been great evidence to take to her solicitor. Cyber bullying is, I believe, a crime. And it shows the lengths that they are prepared to go to to try to control who she speaks to, and to prevent her getting an help.

They must be aware that every person who adds their support to this thread, and every day she spends apart from him, is another day stronger and another day free-er, and another step away from such a terrible relationship.

It may well turn out that some of us are near YT, which means that we could well turn into rl support as opposed to online - are they going to start threatening us too?

oh, and of course I forgot to say that the allegation that she had made things up, and was mentally ill, is SO textbook that it is actually laughable. anyone on these boards who have been through this kind of situation can see it for exactly what it is. Its one of the first rules in the book isnt it. What a joke.......
(but then I get the impression that they are not that bright)

Nettle, I am sure MN can provide information regarding the posts made, they must keep records or there will be records in the MN servers.

YT, I sincerely hope you're ok, I realise it must be extremely tough. You are a remarkable woman though and I am sure with all the back-up from MN (and bullies please note that there are many more of us) we will get you through this.

It is so wonderful to read that you are able to laugh with your DC, it must be extremely liberating for you.

Another delurker here (actually have only just registered this morning).

I saw the deleted messages - is there a way that yellowtang could continue to post (perhaps with name change?) in an area where only her friends could see?

My very best wishes to you yellowtang, you are amazing. Stay strong. This too shall pass.

YT, this is proof of everything YOU say, they have played a blinder, not only condoning and enabling abuse, but cyberbullying to try to get you back in?

YT, keep posting, you have done nothing wrong, you need to keep shining the spotlight on them.

It is desperation, it is panic.

It is no longer part of your life. keep it that way.

Get the biggest injunctions you can, contact MN for screen shots/prints/ IP addresses as proof.

Keep strong and keep these vile, evil people away from you and your family.

YT if you want a quieter area, OTBT might be worth a go. non-searchable, only stays for 30 days. shout if you want help setting that up.

Thankyou
I'm enjoying today, another day of freedom
Thankyou for ALL posts because it really does make stronger and even more determined to keep going iykwim !

How are you today fool ?
Over two weeks now!

I didn't see the deleted posts but find it HILARIOUS that H & SIL have had to resort to cyber-stalking ... the actions of bullies losing their grip

Glad you're talking to WA today, Yellow, and more than chuffed to read your latest posts! Lots of love.

Just to state the obvious - if SIL is so convinced it's a great idea to live with a selfish, domineering control freak, why not set up home permanently with her brother? Either he 'deserves' to be treated as lord and master - in which case, sister can do that - or he doesn't, in which case YT is right to chuck him out.

Whichever way up, it's obvious Yellowtang's happier without him and this means the relationship has run its course, doesn't it. The fact that the police have labelled him a severe risk to his family reinforces the point.

YT, please do keep using the law and all the other public services. They exist to safeguard members of the public, including you and your kids. Verbal abuse and harassment are crimes, over the internet and the phone as well as in person.

Hi YT, all the better for hearing you are OK.....imagine this time next year...all done and dusted!

For the benefit of imaybebonkersbut, who appears to be unfamiliar with this site, in common with numerous other mumsnetters I regularly amend my name to reflect the various events that occur throughout the calendar year.

Thus my current id merely reflects my anticipation of Thanksgiving which, as is my custom, I shall be celebrating in some style while underneath the pie crust is the same wholly consistent personality that remains uniquely 'izzywhizzy'.

The same be cannot said for Ms Bonkers who seems to be under the impression that entire personality changes are necessary when posting on this site in various guises. Of course, having diagnosed herself, this presents no problem for her as evidenced by the appearance of another of her alter egos last night.

The police will experience no difficulty in obtaining a unexpurgated transcript of pages 34 and 35 of this thead , together with IP addresses, from Mumsnet Towers whereupon I suspect that it will be apparent that Ms Bonkers has engaged in cyber bullying and harassment of yellowtang while also purporting to be a social worker.

Under the circumstances, it's a tad ironic that Ms Bonkers has accused me of fuckwittery when it is clear from this thread that it is she and her dear brother who share this particular dysfunctional personality trait.

As for 'game over', in scoring a spectacular own goal Ms Bonkers has ensured that the game is up for her and her dbro.

Hook, line and sinker, Ms Bonkers? On this occasion you are the one that has been reeled in.

Applause for IzzyWhizzy. I especially love the last paragraph 'Hook, line and sinker'.

I don't think Ms Bonkers and alter egos realise how easy it is to be traced via their IP address (or rather do not have the intelligence) It is a rather apt name for her though.

Hi yt, hope you and the dc enjoyed a good night's sleep in your own comfortable beds and I'm glad to see that you appear to be on good form today.

As you very well know, you have an army of mumsnet supporters behind you and, no matter how much she tries to bully and harass you, your bonkers fuckwit sil is in a minority of 2 - it would have been 1 but I felt obliged to acknowledge her 'sw' alter ego

I appeal to all genuine mumsnetters who are familiar with yt's account of living under the tyranny of one of the most dangerous, manipulative, controlling and abusive bullies I have had the displeasure of reading about, to add messages of support to this thread so that it will become locked sooner rather than later.

Once the thread has become full, those of us who are already doing so will continue to communicate with yt privately out of sight of any despicable and/or deranged individuals who seek to do her harm.