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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

ds's trousers "sexy"

29 replies

meandmypickle · 11/10/2011 18:56

I feel a bit sick. Ds (5) had his new school trousers on and h said to him that his trousers looked "sexy"
Frstly what a totally wierd and inapproriate way to describe them and then of course ds kept repeating "sexy"

OP posts:
PhishFoodAddiction · 11/10/2011 18:59

That seems really odd to me.

I would never call anything to do with a child 'sexy'. Nor would anyone I know.

Unless 'sexy' has now become a slang word used instead of 'nice' without me noticing? Confused

Original poster
meandmypickle · 11/10/2011 19:00

I know - it seems totally wierd and he's never said anything like it before. I feel very uncomfortable

OP posts:
ellalouxx · 11/10/2011 19:01

Is your h his father or stepfather?

DoodleAlley · 11/10/2011 19:01

It could just be a poorly thought out choice of words but it does seem a little... Unorthodox.

But then we don't know your DH so don't be too quick to jump to conclusions based on the comments of strangers.

Original poster
meandmypickle · 11/10/2011 19:03

H is ds's father.
he's bathing ds atm and I feel uncomfortable.

OP posts:
PhishFoodAddiction · 11/10/2011 19:03

Did you ask him why he said it? Maybe he thought it was funny or something? I doubt he meant it literally.

ellalouxx · 11/10/2011 19:04

The word 'sexy' on its own wouldn't alarm me but you seem to have your suspicions. Have there been any other incidents or is there any reason you are reading more into this?

bubblegumpop · 11/10/2011 19:04

I think sexy has become a slang word, more so nowadays. Where some people do use it, as a connotation, not meaning sexy as in sexual.

Like sick as in good, not sick.

If however you honestly think your husband is sexualising your children, then you have bigger issues.

A little chat maybe on what is appropriate or not? Including swearing etc.

bubblegumpop · 11/10/2011 19:08

If he works it can be easy to let slip words, you'd sling around with your friends. I'd be inclined to think it was an error of judgement, the term used.

You say he is bathing him and you feel uncomfortable. So you think he is a sexual predator towards your son? In that case, your issues here are to big for anyone to really be able to help.

Original poster
meandmypickle · 11/10/2011 19:08

The thought of him having such thoughts had never occurrd to him and he's never once given me any cause to doubt him.
I imagine it was a total mistake but why on earth did "sexy" come to mind? he hardly ever uses the word, even to me

OP posts:
Original poster
meandmypickle · 11/10/2011 19:10

"if he works it can be easy to let slip words"?

No i don't think he's a predator - i'm just shocked and upset by what he said

OP posts:
bubblegumpop · 11/10/2011 19:12

Right well talk to him. Instead of getting yourself in knots, because he is bathing his son. Looking for people to freak you out and tell you he is a weirdo.

Original poster
meandmypickle · 11/10/2011 19:13

Thanks bubble - I will when ds is in bed

OP posts:
ellalouxx · 11/10/2011 19:14

If he's never given you any reason to doubt him before this then I think you are overreacting. It's inappropriate yes but that's all.

yellowraincoat · 11/10/2011 19:14

I hear loads of people saying sexy these days. It makes me cringe. I even saw a guy in the pub saying to his daughter (about 6 years old) that she was really sexy. SO grim.

Think you need to have a word.

FabbyChic · 11/10/2011 19:17

Is he of low intelligence? If so it was just a remark he made that meant nothing.

Some people are just stupid and that is what he sounds.

HecateGoddessOfTheNight · 11/10/2011 19:18

Everything is 'sexy' these days. even government documents are 'sexed up'

people have lost all idea of what sexy actually IS. ie sexually attractive.

It is used to mean cool, funny, nice, liked...

Drives me bonkers but most people who use it don't engage their brains and think that what they are actually doing is saying - in this case for example - that your son's trousers create a sexually attractive image. If you tell him that, he will probably hit the roof and be really upset that you think he thinks that about his son.

Cos I bet you he's one of these who uses sexy without taking a brain moment to understand that it means sexual.

PhishFoodAddiction · 11/10/2011 19:19

Oh so it is being used as a slang word, luckily it hasn't reached my neck of the woods as it sounds grim used in relation to children.

RitaMorgan · 11/10/2011 19:23

This wouldn't bother me at all - I would assume he was just being jokey?

Sounds like there are other issues here for you to have such an extreme reaction though.

MoreBoober · 11/10/2011 19:24

Way over analysed, he said something a bit stupid but give the poor bloke a break! Hmm

NinjaSlipper · 11/10/2011 19:25

My younger sisters all say 'sexy' to the kids.

My sister calls her son 'sexy boy'

And they have called my sons 'sexy little man'

I ask them bnot to when they do.

They don't mean it 'weirdly' and I have NO worries over them as carers to my kids, its just a term thats very common now and has somehow (very wrongly imo) some how slipped into the realms of acceptable endearment terms!!

WhoWhoWhoWho · 11/10/2011 19:25

Loads of people round here use the word 'sexy' when talking to their dcs, and if they are not calling them sexy in an affectionate manner Hmm they are calling them a geek. Hmm

Things like this really irrationally? annoy me. Even more than pointless swearing, text speak and poor grammar. OP I doubt he is a sexual predator, but you maybe ought to buy him a dictionary.

Original poster
meandmypickle · 11/10/2011 20:15

I talked to him. he says he knows it was inappropriate and doesn't know why he said it. I still feel bad . When i kept questionning it he said was i thiking he was married to a peadophile. made me cry and leave the room. he came back to say sorry again a few minutes a go, i said i don't want to talk about it tohim any more - too horrible

OP posts:
Original poster
meandmypickle · 11/10/2011 20:27

H is now angry about me doubting him

OP posts:
doesntfitin · 11/10/2011 20:30

I think you are over-thinking and over-reacting.