Friend says dh is a real flirt

[MilkMonitor]

I've seen dh in conversation with all sorts of folk including my friend who says he's really flirty with her. We've been out for dinner with her and her oh and on other various social occasions. I've not seen dh flirt at all.

My friend is a flirt. She is very pretty etc and great fun. But she goes on about dh being so flirty and how he loves to party.

Am I missing something here like observation skills?

Yes, otheriwise you would have noticed that your friend is a stirrer and needs dropping!

Why would someone seek to stir up stuff like that?

Ahh. I think the term here is 'she wishes'.

Radar alert OP!

even if it were true, unless he had done something specifically that she needed to tell you she has no need to mentione him being "flirty"

If he cheated on you and she told you I would take that seriously. She's either trying to get him trouble or make you feel inferior, (like your dh fancies her). She sounds about 15. And an immature 15.

shitty friend youve got there OP

I knew someone exactly like that. She even accused my friend's Dad of being a real flirt around her and everyone elses DP's and DH's.

Insecure and looking to put a seed of doubt in your mind. Dangerous game.

Dump yer mate. Flirt with your DH. Job's a good 'un :)

She probably thinks she's really pretty too. Perhaps your DH hasn't been as impressed as she wanted, so she's trying to redress the balance in her mind. Or she's just a bitch and wants you tothink your DH wants her. Whaddever. Sack her.

If your DH were flirty and she were really your friend, she'd just be cold with him and not mention it to you unless he actually made socialising with both of you difficult by it.

Yeah, it's her.

X-post with LeQ. Great minds an' all that :)

I mentioned it to dh and he was quite cross about it. He likes her. He likes most people but now feels he has to watch his step.

It is an odd thing to say to your friend, isn't it? I've just spent hours counselling her over her own poor marriage issues.

But if I say anything about it - as good friend's should clear the air? - won't I just come across as an insecure and jealous hands-off-my-man fishwife?

There's a mum at the school hates like this. Last Summer barbecue, she actually followed DH around the playground- We my bitchy friends and I stood laughing as we watched him backing away, and her following. 'Twas most amusing.

Your friend is a cow.

She's not your good friend, though. Reassure your DH and then keep your distance from her.

If you thought of her as good friends and spend lots of time together, then it's tricky.

I'd have a chat and tell her that if you thought her dh was flirting with you, you would definitely be chilly towards him. Because that's what friends do.

Flirting is harmless to some but really destroys the self confidence of spouses and other halves.

I'm amazed everyone is accusing your friend of wrong-doing! Maybe she is being a really good friend?

I have been in several situations over the years, from dating at school to couples living together, where lots of us have serious suspicions about a friend's partner, and none of us dares mention it. When people do mention it, almost inevitably they are turned on, because nobody wants to hear this about their own partner. I'm not proud of never saying anything, it is totally cowardly.

I'd speak to another mutual friend about it I think.

What counts as flirting? Means different things to different people. Your DH could be making conversation, laughing at her jokes or some innocent compliment and she could be taking 2 + 2 and rounding it up to a full dozen.

I said something similar, but crucially not quite the same, to a good friend recently. It wasn't to stir. It was to reassure her - what I actually said was, he is a good chap. I said he'd been at a party after she'd gone home, and was being friendly and funny and sociable, but as soon as he got a bit flirty he looked sort of self conscious and knew exactly at what point to rein it in and go home to her.

I felt I'd said something a bit dodgy in even noticing he was being like that - and he wasn't really, hardly at all - but she had just said she was worried he was being like that, or something and so I wanted to reassure her that she could trust him out of her sight.

I mean he's great and he was being a little tiny bit convivial but that's Ok, it's natural. It never, ever crossed a line. I wanted her to know that.

Hmm. She was really laughing as she said it. Not meanly just chortling really.

Sigh.

Now I don't know what to think. Perhaps he is a flirt to her and I'm just not perceptive enough. I'm not a flirt and I'm uncomfortable around flirts.

Ask a friend who is usually around you all together what they think.
I think most people are perceptive enough to see anything as obvious as your friend is claming. Actually I think most people seem to be overly jealous if anything and too willing to assume the worst.

Oh god. Sexual jealousy is a nightmare.

Our dcs are same age, go to same school. After a classmate's party on Sunday, dh suggested we all go for walk after lunch. Fine fine.

On the walk though, it was like he was following her about like a puppy. It was like at one point he had to check himself, turn around and remember the children I needed some help with. It was like he was oblivious to anything anyone else said or did.

I felt humiliated when they were really laughing together a few metres away and he looked up caught my eye still laughing and carried on. They were really enjoying each others company.

It all looked so well, utterly right for them, between them plus what now seems obvious to me, some sexual energy.

Her dh is miserable because their marriage is in crisis so he could barely talk anyway. He just trudged along whilst I tried to make conversation.

Dh said last night, "you don't tell her about our sex life, do you? That should just be between us." Weird statement I thought until I found out today from this friend they'd been talking about wanking (!?!?!) when I saw them laughing together.

Now I feel paranoid and so wary. Dh wants to go on holiday with them as our dcs are all friends. I so don't, especially now. I'd spend the whole time listening to them giggling together.

What does one do? I mean I know people fancy other people when married but when it feels like this, how do I behave with dignity? I now feel utterly shit.

I'd have a word with your DH. She's right, he is flirting and it sounds two-way. And, whilst it may all be very innocent fun, it's making you uncomfortable and he has to be made aware of that and told to stop. No, you don't go on holiday with them... nightmare if they aren't getting on as a couple... and you'll probably have to scale down contact as well.

I have had a word. He denies it. Looks at me like I'm mad or demented.

I'm now. Nothing might happen but it's still horrible for me.

I don't want a man who behaves like that.

He's looking at you that way because you've touched a nerve. :) Still, you've said your piece, he knows he's been getting a little too friendly and it's now up to him how he behaves in future. Don't feel ... stay calm and act normally.

And if he continues? I mean, I had a chat with him before the walk and he still behaved that way. It was like he had forgotten himself.