Friend says dh is a real flirt

[MilkMonitor]

I've seen dh in conversation with all sorts of folk including my friend who says he's really flirty with her. We've been out for dinner with her and her oh and on other various social occasions. I've not seen dh flirt at all.

My friend is a flirt. She is very pretty etc and great fun. But she goes on about dh being so flirty and how he loves to party.

Am I missing something here like observation skills?

Sounds about as plausible as some of the earlier developments, otter

I reckon OP's run off with the other DH.
OP's H and flirty pal are setting up home together.
But the pool boy, who is the biological father of OP's pal's baby, has saved up enough to come over here, and is on his way as we write.
This will turn out happily - OP's H and the pool boy will fall in love,
They will set up a sexy menage-a-trois, baby will complete their household.
Meanwhile, OP and pal's H will fall out because pal's H was originally in love with the pool boy -
Who's no longer interested in him,
So the spurned H will go back to Abroad, hoping to meet another young man,
Leaving OP with a home of her own and DC.
This also turns out happily when OP gets together with DC's football coach. Who never, ever, discusses his sex life with other people
:)

Nor flirts..... Not ever....

Hi.

Things are calmer now. But h is still being how shall we say, insistent that either our sex life becomes more varied or he's off. I said how could only one facet of our relationship not being the greatest mean that he could just leave? He said he didn't want a divorce but nor does he want to martyr himself to crap sex for the rest of his life. He wants varied positions, more foreplay etc. He wants to go to Relate sex counselling.

Nothing physical beyond flirting has happened between him and my 'friend' - I know that for sure. I know there is an attraction but I'm certain nothing has happened. There may of course be someone else somewhere else that I know nothing about. He is certainly emotionally detached but very bright 'n' breezy right now.

Her baby is definitely her partner's, conceived on his birthday on holiday in Spain. It was v. early in her cycle and she was convinced it would be safe. It would be their 5th child so he is very worried about finances. They haven't decided what to do about it.

I've told my h that he makes me feel like a piece of meat. He said he just wants to be close to his wife and have enjoyable sex. We've barely spoken really. He's got lots of work on at the moment and I am my usual busy self.

So, I guess we'll just coast until we actually manage to talk and then we'll probably have a huge row and that will be that. At least that will be the end of this soap opera. I just wish everything was ok. It will be. I just have to make the right decision which I suspect is to separate. It's only a matter of time really.

If he wants more foreplay, then what the hell is stopping him and you from doing that, nothing wrong with foreplay? If he wants to vary positions, then why is he not doing so during sex? this is odd stuff OP! It is very easy to change from one position to another several times during sex and foreplay, I can't see why he doesn't move etc during sex, this is all his crap still OP!

He needs to see a consellor to learn how to communicate by the sounds of it he is taking out his difficulty in anger against you, a decade and he has not said anything until now?

His response to you telling him you feel he is treating you like a piece of meat is to tell you he wants more enjoyable sex and to be close to his wife, what are you now a posession who's feelings don't matter?

OP if you don't want to be with this man, then why are you planning on letting things slide?

If you man is threatening to leave you unless you act like a porn star then why not just cut out the pretence and pack his bags? It sounds like he might be planning to leave you anyway and is looking for a way to blame you. for you.

He's living in some absurd fantasy, isn't he, where you are the wife he knows AND a magic porn star who turns him into an acrobatic sex machine. How old is he, fgs???!

I'm not surprised you feel dismissed and devalued, this is horrible for you.

How about giving him marching orders soomer, rather than later? If it wakes him up, all to the good but it's your call whether you can respect him enough to make a go of things after this ridiculousness.

I wish you luck, and very good friends.

I am with OriginalFab, he is looking for a way to exit the marriage as he does not seem to be committed to doing his share of the work in improving sex for both of you....

Just tell him to fuck off

What are you waiting for exactly ?

LOL at AF
Have to agree though

I'm amazed at how much denial you're in, OP.

I don't know how much more evidence you need to see what's going on right under your nose and has been for a long time, it would appear.

Your thread and the events described read like the backtrack for every affair that has ever happened. You are being manipulated heavily and yet you are ignoring what all of us can see - and have seen many times before.

Unless you have been by your husband's side for every second of the past year (or since whenever this 'friend' entered your lives/set her cap at your H) then you cannot know what's happened between them. Equally you have no actual evidence of when this baby was conceived, you are just relying on what she's telling you. No surprise though that this was an "early cycle baby" and she felt the need to explain this in so much detail to you. I wonder whether her husband is also puzzling about it all and remembering how she seemed desperate for sex that one time on holiday, but not before or after?

Why are you being so passive about this?

Charbon, I fell for the story about the baby being a holiday baby also, when you put it the way you have, it does look suspect.

that baby story is a classic example of "doth protest too much"

too much un-necessary detail