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Original poster

Porn

189 replies

EmpireBiscuit · 03/10/2011 20:34

Looking for some sense to be talked into me...(and you all seem like a pretty honest bunch!)

I discovered on Saturday night that dh sometimes watches porn online when alone in the house. He says he doesn't do it often.

Now, I think I'm maybe overreacting but I feel disgusted. He knows I have strong feelings against strip clubs etc and I am at a loss to how he thought this wouldn't bother me.

I am massively insecure and can't get the thought of him pleasuring himself looking at prettier, thinner woman and comparing us. We are still talking etc but I feel odd about him seeing me naked, or even touching (let alone being intimate). I feel sad thinking about it all.

What do you all think? Huge over reaction or would you have similar feelings?

Thanks!

OP posts:
smallwhitecat · 04/10/2011 22:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Malificence · 04/10/2011 22:08

Jesus, my DH would refuse a BJ if he thought the only reason I was doing it was for a pair of bloody shoes, in fact he'd would be hugely fucking insulted - he'd rather go without sex than think I was doing it for any other reason than because I wanted to.
What is wrong with some people?

mumsamilitant · 04/10/2011 22:09

Is it really Small? What might the woman buy with the cash?

mumsamilitant · 04/10/2011 22:13

It was a statement malifice. Don't worry so much... and for god sake next time you do it... DONT think of your next purchase!

Malificence · 04/10/2011 22:16

If you want to be all hip and confrontational, try AIBU, relationships is for support and advice, not piss taking .

solidgoldbrass · 04/10/2011 22:17

There's nothing inherently wrong with choosing to engage in a sexual act because you want something (non-sexual) from the other person, now and again. If you only, or mostly, engage in sexual activity with people you are not attracted to, in circumstances when you are not feeling horny, then there's a problem somewhere.

smallwhitecat · 04/10/2011 22:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Malificence · 04/10/2011 22:24

Well, DH does offer me sex in return for a cup of tea on a Saturday morning, it works every time, so I don't know what that says about me Confused.

AnyFucker · 04/10/2011 22:26

If you only, or mostly, engage in sexual activity with people you are not attracted to, in circumstances when you are not feeling horny, then there's a problem somewhere.

sgb, funnily enough, you have just clearly articulated one of my problems with the sex industry

fancy that...

mumsamilitant · 04/10/2011 22:30

Its also not a place for anger Malificence.... Sad

You will probably find on here that all but the important threads, ie. if someone is in real trouble, its a place of debate and yes, humour does occur.

mumsamilitant · 04/10/2011 22:31

I dont really see it as a "problem" in an industry if money is fairly changing hands.. It is however a problem in a relationship.

Malificence · 04/10/2011 22:35

I've been here a very long time MAM, I do know how relationships works, there is great joy to be had in taking the piss out of the menz trying to tell us wimmin how it really is. Wink

Malificence · 04/10/2011 22:37

Bravo AF, I saw what you did there. Smile

I think there's going to be a bit of back peddling shortly. Wink.

AnyFucker · 04/10/2011 22:40

I should have bolded it, Mal Wink

AnyFucker · 04/10/2011 22:41

However, it was a lovely gift on a boring Tuesday, so for that I am grateful Smile

mumsamilitant · 04/10/2011 22:42

sorry malificence I genuinely don't quite get what you are saying?

back peddling? who will do that?

AnyFucker · 04/10/2011 22:45

it's ok, MAM, don't worry your pretty little head about it Smile

mumsamilitant · 04/10/2011 23:05
mumsamilitant · 04/10/2011 23:15

To be honest AF, I agree with most of what you say, sometimes it must be hard to have such a following and get it right all the time.

AnyFucker · 04/10/2011 23:17

are you just a touch bored this evening, MAM ?

mumsamilitant · 04/10/2011 23:20

why do you say that AF

solidgoldbrass · 05/10/2011 00:05

AF: I presume you mean your problem with the industry is that all performers in the sex industry only ever have 'work' sex and do nothing else with their lives. Oh, and that they never fancy their fellow performers.
Sex for the sake of keeping the peace or out of a sense of duty happens in quite a lot of heteromonogamous 'normal' relationships. Sometimes this is because the relationship is abusive. Sometimes it's because one partner thinks that engaging in sex s/he isn't really interested in is a price worth paying for a better atmosphere in the home. Now and again, there really isn't anything wrong with it. All the time there would be.

Sex simply isn't a big deal to quite a lot of people. Just because you (any generic hypothetical you) attach a lot of importance to it, and don't fancy certain acts, does NOT mean that there is anything wrong with the people who see it differently.

icemaidensu · 05/10/2011 01:35

@ emily..09.20.35. Great post

@ af ..19.13.34, yup, looks that way!

Lurking..lurking!!

...interesting!!

BertieBotts · 05/10/2011 11:17

"Sometimes it's because one partner thinks that engaging in sex s/he isn't really interested in is a price worth paying for a better atmosphere in the home. Now and again, there really isn't anything wrong with it. All the time there would be."

But even now and then, what does that say about the other person? The one who is engaging in sex with someone who isn't really interested, and is going to cause "an atmosphere" if that sex doesn't happen?

If your partner isn't into it, sex is crap. It lacks every advantage of partner-sex over masturbation. Frankly, I can have a better orgasm with a toy, and although there aren't that many toys around for men, I'm sure they could as well unless there's some massive advantage of a living, breathing, uninterested person that I'm missing.

Malificence · 05/10/2011 12:01

"Sex for the sake of keeping the peace or out of a sense of duty happens in quite a lot of heteromonogamous 'normal' relationships".

I'd say they were anything but normal and healthy relationships in that case, or perhaps accepted behaviour in the older (over 60s?) generation where sex is often seen as a duty for a wife and a right for a husband.

I don't even think there is ever a case for having sex when you don't want it, not even while trying to conceive, if one of you isn't into it, what is the point?

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