The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Joins The Foreign Legion In Their Quest For Sobriety.

[Mouseface]

Hello, I'm Mouse and I have a very abusive relationship with alcohol.

I can't just have one glass of anything, I have to drink until I pass out or run out. Whichever comes first.

This Bus is a place of solace and safety, where drinkers, non-drinkers and those who aren't quite sure can come and post or just sit and 'be'.

No-one will judge you, no-one will think any the less of you because we all have the same thing in common.

Alcohol.

And for those who want to read the journey's so far and the original thread by JWN, the lady who very bravely started these journeys for us, HERE they are.

(PS - the title is just for you notevenamousie)

Wannabe

If you don't want to drink and you will find it hard not to drink on social occasions XYZ - then DON'T GO to social occasions XYZ!

Shake

I know that Allen Carr tells you to continue doing X until the seminar. and, if you are convinced that Allen Carr is going to work for you, then that's what you need to do.

But remember that, unlike cigarettes, the effects of alcohol will severely affect your judgement. You may therefore have to accept being housebound and chaperoned until the seminar because it may not be safe for you to be alone.

Or you could try something else.

To reiterate what someone else said, tell us WHY AA didn't work for you? What, for you, constituted "trying" AA?

I think for most members including me it is a last resort - it seems like a byword for failure in life when you first go. I went in November 2001. Then I went back in February 2002, because I had been caught under the influence while working in a school. I then stayed and it took me the rest of that year to get sober.

I hasten to add that that was entirely down to me - AA can and does work instantly. But, in my case, I took some real convincing that I was "bad enough" to need AA. I only went back because I didn't have any better ideas; I only returned after each drink because my new "better idea" - trying to drink again - turned out each time to be NOT such a good idea; and I only put down my last drink (to date) in December 2002 because I somehow realised that, for me, it was never going to be any different; that every time I tried to drink it was going to go wrong.

Happy to be sober ever since.

Someone called me an AA zealot the other week. Not a bit of it. I go to AA because it works for me. If you, or anyone else, has something else that works for you, by all means go for it.

But if, like me, you DON'T have a better idea, you need to find something soon and MAKE it work, be it Allen Carr, AA, or whatever, not wait for the fairy dust and magic wand to kick in - because without a working solution that does not solely rely on you remembering to be sensible next time, you are fucked.

I have royally fucked up and am so scared, I hope someone can help. I am an alcoholic, and today decided I needed help, so phoned my local drug and alcohol unit. I stupidly, STUPIDLY gave my name and address. I am due a phone call next Tuesday after their next team meeting. I am now absolutely terrified they will contact Social Services and my childre, both under 10, will be taken away. I feel sick and can't sleep. Should I just deny all knowledge when they phone, or will that make things even worse? I am in Scotland by the way. I'm sorry if this is not the right place to ask this.

thinice that was not what I meant! I'm sorry you read it that way. I guess what I was trying, sleepily to say was, the thinking is as much of a problem for me as drinking, and I try to solve everything by thinking my way out of it. It was meant as empathy and I am truly sorry that it didn't read that way.
My don't think techniques seemed crazy when they were suggested to me. Of course, I had to be willing to try them and not hold on to 'I'm a thinky person' or similar however true they seemed. When I start thinking, I try and keep busy. I envision putting all the thoughts into a box and repeat as necessary. I use mantras "I am not going to think about this until I have the tools to handle it" and really rigorous keeping it in the day "I am doing the washing up" (repeat) "I am sweeping up the leaves". If I've misread what's going on for you, again, I can only apologise.

cidre definitely the right place to post and well done for doing so. I have been through most kinds of social services meetings. I still have some fear of "them" but mostly I have got to the point of being grateful to live in a country where there are such organisations that look out for my child. I would accept the help. My local alcohol team do automatically inform social services who are far more likely to be suspicious if you don't try and work with them and deny knowledge of the phone call.
Can you tell us a bit more about you and about your drinking? Happy to PM about SS and my experience if it would help. FWIW I didn't find my local alcohol team that helpful but once I stopped being prickly and defensive with them I have done some really good stuff through them, although for me AA has been more help because it's by talking to and hearing from other alcoholics that has got me well.

wannabe I agree if you aren't ready to go to a certain situation and feel confident about not drinking then don't go! If you are worried about your long term health maybe a trip to your doctor? What does Allen Carr say about drinking when you didn't want to, by the way? That was another convincer for me - sat there thinking "I really don't want to do this" and drinking anyway - hmmm, sane behaviour? I don't think so.

DD poorly and grumpy and I do not know what to do about school - not long ago I'd have phoned my mum, because it does help to just have a second adult to sound it out with, time to grow up and get on with life as it is not as I wish it was.

And cidre - well done "I am an alcoholic and today I decided I needed help" - that is a huge step.

i agree - massive step cidre and no i don't think you should back out. presumably you called because you decided it WAS that serious and you DID need serious help and couldn't go on as you were anymore. that decision has been made and it's a big one (well done) and no there's no going back. when it comes to people like ss cooperation and openness is the key really. i think most social workers are willing to work very hard with you and keeping a family together if they can see you are honestly aware of the problems and genuinely focused on solving them and have taken and are taking steps to address them.

day 12 here i think so glad to not be drinking. i think it takes a distance between myself and my last drink to really see clearly that alcohol does nothing for me and i genuinely feel better and find everything easier without it. i can 'control' my drinking to some degree for periods of time and i'm aware i'm lucky compared to some in that respect but that in itself presents problems with seeing it for what it really is and how it effects me. maybe be able to explain that better when i'm more awake with more coffee on board.

for those who are considering stopping can i just wholeheartedly recommend you try - it really does make such a difference and that bit of distance from your last drink (even just 12 days) gives you a lot of perspective on your drinking.

shake - personally i think you need to get a therapist on board asap as an emergency personally. you know that domestic violence is far, far from acceptable and cannot go on. i personally believe you have to be willing to be getting help and working on that issue now or you should be moving out of the family home until you are. sorry to be blunt but you know you can't go on abusing him like that and you have to do somethign about it and it won't be allen carr who sorts that one out.

Noteven I have PM'd you re DD and school

dubs - would you elaborate on 'thinking alcoholically' for me please? when you have the chance.

Not read thread yet, just butting in to say,

noteven I know what you mean. I imagine the thought coming at me like a tennis ball and I just bat it straight back out of my mind. Don't even stop to consider it because that's when I might start to waver. I make the decision when I wake up. I am not going to drink today. There is then no reason to think about that any more. Job done. Not saying it's easy, but it makes it easier to manage. As you were.

Morning all,

welcome to the new people and (( )) I know its hard to clamber aboard the bus but its a big step.

cidre I would second working with SS and alcohol team but am sure others have more specific advice. I'm glad you posted though, we can all support you through this - I think its a really positive step.

shake given everything that you have posted I can't see that waiting another month and a bit to tackle your drinking is the best solution - and I am not convinced you do or you wouldn't have posted now? I am worried that you are putting a lot of faith in the Alan Carr method and aren't saying much about how you will tackle your drinking - its as if its all going to be done externally? Sorry if I have misunderstood but I think given the circumstances and the violence you need to think about what you have to lose within a month?

Dubs just wanted to say that you sound really positive despite having a tough day ahead - is lovely to hear.

saf day 12 ... how did we get here? . I agree I feel so much better, clarity of thought, weight is shifting, face much less puffy (it appears I do have cheekbones after all!). I feel much less ... chaotic? Just a sense of calm - Dubs post put it all really well, I feel much more able to tackle life and really be there.

Mouse am thinking of you and your friend's family my lovely. How do you feel about the test results? I hope that you get the other tests soon, am worried you have a lot on your plate right now. (( ))

Big wave to everyone else. All good here. Today I will not be drinking. I am however, going to do an incredible day's work and then a night's work so I can get to the gym tmrw

cidre well done on making the call. I am also in Scotland and DH works with children in care and i can tell you the first and most important aim is ALWAYS to keep the family together unless the children are at serious risk. Otherwise ,there are a multitude of steps to be gone through and options before that can happen. The fact you have asked for help is a positive thing and will be seen as such. See it through now and take the help you will be offered.
shakes how are you today. You can do this, we are here to help.

Good morning and thank you for all the support.
As I have made a self referral, can I just withdraw this and say I have decided to seek help elsewhere, like AA. I just want to involve as few people as possible, as my job is quite sensitive too.
Have I put myself into 'the system'? God, I am so scared of everything. I have been sick in the night, and feel awful now. Am drinking water by the way, not sure if it's withdrawel as is probably 12 hours since last alcoholic drink.
The man at the D and A unit said SS would only be involved if child in danger, or at risk of harm. How will they decide that? Will they, can they do 'on the spot' visits? Will they involve the school? Oh God, what have I done?

Faire even beyond thinking about drinking (which is not really an issue these days, how much of a miracle is that!!) I am capable of being off in things from the past that need sorting out (bit of a codependent relationship with my mum, plus grief, and more) and imaginary conversations where I am of course vindicated and situations that I might or might not have/ be able to deal with etc. I thought I identified with that in thinice's post yesterday but maybe I was wrong there.

MsGee and sAf you both sound great!! Glad you are both feeling good.

shake MsGee speaks a lot of sense about how much you could lose if your drinking carries on even for another 5 weeks.

I think I might be around a fair bit today, have kept DD off but not ruling out the possibility of sending her in at lunchtime if she's trying it on!

cidre hopefully someone else will be along soon.

I would not withdraw your referral. What you can do is to make a list of all the ways in which you are seeking help so that when the D&A unit call you, you can tell them what you want to happen, what support you are already seeking (including this thread) and what help you need from them. I would think withdrawing it would be more problematic - hopefully others such as noteven might advise further.

Being sick depends on how much you normally drink. It might be combination of stress and worry and the hangover kicking in. If you would normally go more than 12 hours without a drink its unlikely to be withdrawal.

Right, not wishing to go against advice here, but I phoned the unit to ask if was possible to withdraw a self referral and they said yes so I have. They said to get back in touch if I needed.
I have a list of AA meetings in my area, and will try to attend one, or maybe do an online one. I am still very scared, and will not take a drink now.
I hope I have done the right thing, and I know I won't relax easily for a while, but if I can clean up my act, I don't need to worry about SS. My children are clean, well fed, never late for school, take part in extra curricular activities. If I clear the alcohol out of the house, and make sure am on top of housework, could I cope with a visit. Can they refer me, on the basis of a phone call which I made?

i'll sit on the needy seat with you noteven. i feel like phoning people and stuff - really craving human contact for some reason - yes i know that's normal but it's unusual for me.

am off out with a new friend to an auction viewing later - love poking through other people's stuff and am addicted to old furniture and niknaks.

msgee - yes to feeling more present and clear headed and able. and yy to cheekbones!!!! good for you clearing the decks so you can get to the gym - do you go regularly or has it been a while?

i've no idea what they can do referral wise cidre and must admit i think it is a mistake to go back on a decision you made whilst fully facing the extent of the problem - too easy to slip back into everything is fine mode - everything is fine if i can hide it from everyone thinking. but if this is the way you are going then do get yourself to a meeting, do keep talking here and do have a plan.

what's the plan? clear all the alcohol out of the house you said so does that mean stopping drinking?

cidre don't panic. MsGee's idea of making a list is a good one - it shows you care for your children, have recognised a problem, and are addressing it. i think withdrawing your referral will look worse, in a way.
They won't make spot visits at this stage - they will be run off their feet as it is so will schedule an appointment with you to assess the situation. If they can see that the children are loved and cared for, they will probably refer you to suitable help. Remember, it takes a lot of paperwork and a VAST amount of money to support a child in care - SS are really not keen to do it unless the situation is dangerous, it is a measure of last resort.
Try and stay calm and sober, there is nothing to stop you calling AA or any other agencies while you wait for your appointment. Try "open space"
www.openspacecounselling.org.uk/ if you are in Lothians.

cidre no idea if they will visit. what is your plan for stopping drinking - clearing out booze is a good idea but you might also need a plan for trigger times. Change of routine, getting soft drinks in, sweets for sugar cravings etc.

noteven and saf (( )) on needy seat. had to chuckle at saf explanation for craving human contact. I work alone and generally don't speak to people other than clients most days (and DD, and sometimes DH!). I really don't miss people and now find the prospect of talking to people IRL quite scary!

re gym - I have a membership and the gym is a 5 minute jog from my house. I rarely get there at the moment because of work. However, I have just realised that deadlines will get in the way of going to the gym tmrw. Somethign I thought would take an hour and is due on friday is taking hours. Ugh.

"I have a list of AA meetings in my area, and will try to attend one, or maybe do an online one."

Unless you regularly use online off-licences and drink in online pubs, I would say do your very best to attend an AA meeting (or any other solution you choose) IN PERSON, stay till the end and try a few times before you make ny decisions one way or the other.

cidre you've had a fright, but the good thing about making the referral was that it made you face up to your problems.

By withdrawing the referral you've solved that problem, but careful you don't conflate fixing that with doing something about your drinking.

Get rid of the alcohol in the house. You've got a list of meetings. Can you get to one today?

Hi babes logging in during work break.
MsGee I work on my own too, and do the same re the gym, nearby and I really ought to go more, but so much else to do!!
noteven - DH and I have long discussions when one of DSs is (possibly) ill, it is a really difficult one. Count me as one of your adult bus passengers on board with you and chatting in a girly manner on the needy seat.
I am setting up a table near needy seat with flowers, bowls of floating candles, chocolate cake (callorie free of course), and cafitieres of smooth coffee . Personally I like to have a sexy waiter pouring coffee and giving me a great foot massage as part of this particular fantasy, but feel free to substitute waitress for those who prefer! (assuming Gerald will let them pop on board temporarily)

shake, agree, get a therapist, many of us, including me, have found therapists really helpful. Don't stop posting, we are all rooting for you.

mouse your words re rebelling struck home. Drinking is for me very much about rebelling, rebelling against doing the things I am supposed/expected to do in the here and now, and also rebelling against my teetotal parents way of dealing with their own troubles (repression to the Nth degree of any needs and feelings and getting physically or mentally ill instead), even rebelling against my lovely rational sane and abstemious DH... I've been talking through my anger a lot with my therapist, and am sure that is helping me. I also got the Dummy's guide to anger management and found that has helped me too.

Legal Oh yes, I really really know what you mean about Match attax tyrrany. I am sure you too have noticed that they put fewer cards in for same price this year. SOmeone is making SO MUCH MONEY from those cards. However, I used to spend all my pocket money on sweets, so I try to console myself that whilst Matchattax are training my kids to be gamblers (on whether good cards in the pack) and well programmed capitalist consumers at least their teeth are somewhat protected..... It's so being a parent!

I drank half a bottle of red last night - PMT and feeling sorry for myself and overdid work and underdid mindfulness and eating and drinking enough yesterday.
Poured rest away, and now bottle free house except for the gin which I need to get DH to hide.

Am wanting to jump on. There are a couple of reasons the minor one is losing weight and the diet (low carb) means no alcohol for 2 weeks so could do with some support to achieve that.

The other is more relevant, I have noticed a difference in my drinking in the last year. I don't drink every night normally once or twice a week but when I do drink don't know when to stop so the next day end up feeling really ill and upset with myself that I can't just have a few.

I don't crave alcohol until the weekends and then it feels as it's almost my treat for end of the working week. Alcohol problems run in my family so I have always been pretty controlled about the amount I drink but feel as I say in the last year my control on that intake is slipping. On the nights I drink I would drink 2 bottles of wine which I am wise enough to see is problem drinking.

Not sure what my aim is yet, to stop completely, cut down, or just drink when out socially when I can seem to control myself, as I only seem to drink excessively at home.