The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Joins The Foreign Legion In Their Quest For Sobriety.

[Mouseface]

Hello, I'm Mouse and I have a very abusive relationship with alcohol.

I can't just have one glass of anything, I have to drink until I pass out or run out. Whichever comes first.

This Bus is a place of solace and safety, where drinkers, non-drinkers and those who aren't quite sure can come and post or just sit and 'be'.

No-one will judge you, no-one will think any the less of you because we all have the same thing in common.

Alcohol.

And for those who want to read the journey's so far and the original thread by JWN, the lady who very bravely started these journeys for us, HERE they are.

(PS - the title is just for you notevenamousie)

DD is getting a trip to the dr's today, suspect tonsillitis now. Not very good at this - but much better sober. I'm re-learning it all it seems - definitely like very slowly waking up to normality.
loopylou Mouse tried going to cider/ beer and it didn't work very well for her, but sometimes we need to experience it all for ourselves.
cidre and others, how did you sleep? How are you doing today?
Have a cake to bake and bread too, so will keep me out of trouble today.
sAf good for you for opening up and hope you are ok today. I tried to label stuff and now just put it all in together, as the way my head works and slowly that will change.

"I'm a really anxious person, treated for depression. I do a job I hate but I want to do something else but when I apply, there are 400 other applicants. I'm a very resentful person as in if someone/dh does something/a mistake, I don't let go and I always bring it back to his face."

The sad truth is that drinking, even as it appears to be helping, will make all of those things worse. It's like one of those Australian soaps where the "friend" the character thinks is helping her is actually the one who's been letting her tyres down, spiking her tea and sleeping with her boyfriend behind her back!

miflaw i think i need some attention.

saf I think that a lot of us don't have a stereotypical rock bottom moment.

I came here because of a culmination of things and I knew that things had to change. However, looking bad over the years there were a lot of things that really should have been a rock bottom that I bounced back from (phoenix style). I am sure if I kept going there would be a horrible rock bottom in the future.

Keep posting and keep talking to us, even if its stream of consciousness. I agree its hard to unpick what is the cause of the drinking and the result. I am finding that a lot of things that I thought were my personality and caused me to drink were as much a byproduct of the drinking. There again, so much has happened since I started drinking perhaps I was changing anyway - it was just masked by the drinking. I've gone from being a student, to a girl about town, to career focused madwoman and now to a mum. To be honest the main constant through that was drinking. does that make sense?

I think its good to unpick the threads - am just saying that some might not have answers. xx

MIF I love the idea of you as a secret aussie soap watcher!

I've moved on from the Australians - I now watch Doctors ...

SAF

What sort of attention?

Ah, I got into that when on maternity leave. Fits in a bit better with the lunch hour too

Morning all

Wow, so busy, not even going to attempt to comment on lots of things, but so much good stuff has been said!

Love the analogy with the australian soap!

saf I didn't have a rock bottom, just became sick and tired of being sick and tired. And reading about JWN on here, and everyone else's stories here, made me realise that really it is the strong people that recognise that they have a problem and do something about it!

I am really struggling with life at the moment problems with my ex do not seem to be progressing, and I am stuck in this horrendous limbo. My solicitor seems far more concerned about billing me for ridiculous things (think £95 for PDFing me a copy of a letter ridiculous) than actually sorting the whole thing out. I email her and am ignored, I instruct her to take an action, and when she does eventually - weeks later - it is not what I have requested.
I feel very low today, and I am sinking. The only bright side is that I have no desire or intent to let this drive me to lifting a drink. Because I do know that this will only make the whole thing worse.

I keeping saying the Serenity prayer over and over in my head like a mantra!!

SO that is my me me me post
Bafana

Morning Babes

Sorry I vanished last night and missed Silver's post xx

Nemo was really poorly again, sick in his bed and screaming when I got to him so I had to strip him off, wash him and put him into bed with us. Poor little mite

Saf - wow, you have really unlocked something, that's fantastic to read. You sound so much more, accepting? I'm not sure, but you post how I feel if that makes sense. We could be sisters.

Your story about drinking from your parent's drinks cabinet, that was me. And the cannabis, that was me too, late teens, at college, starting out in the world.

It's so great to see you releasing it all Saf

BB - thank you, and oh yes, we are friends. xx

helpmenow - The funeral is next Thursday, so sorry if I didn't make that very clear.

Loopy - well done for not hitting the spirits and the wine last night, if you feel that you can reduce the drink slowly and even get to a level you are happy with, then great!

No Stay & Play today, flu jabs later, nice!

Silver - please come back and post, drinking or not remember? xx

TODAY, I WILL NOT BE DRINKING, DAY 15.

Hi all.

Haven't posted for ages as I have been drinking. Yesterday was my first day without a hangover for months. By 4.30 I felt really quite shaky so immediately thought of wine. Last night, two bottles gone.

I then got very upset as I was so determined and year I'm failing so miserably. I wish I knew what to do.

melody what do you want to do?

If you didn't drink on Tuesday - hence no hangover on Wed, what did you do then.

Do you want to stop?
Completely?
Or do you want to stop feeling the way you do at the moment?

Melody

"I wish I knew what to do."

You do know what to do - stop drinking. Completely.

The issue is either that that thought terrifies you or that you need help deciding HOW to do it.

In either case, you are in the right place - as long as you are willing to take advice.

Stick around and you'll be okay.

Melody

You are in the right place. The only thing you need to do really from here on is, is to be honest with yourself.

If you want to stop drinking then do it. You can, for sure, but you have to WANT to with all of your being. Like nothing you have ever wanted before in your life.

This has to be your focus. One day at a time, you will and can do it.

Welcome back

Sorry to dash in ((( ))) hugs Mouse - you ok lovely? Sorry Nemo had a crap night again.

I just need to vent AAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH

Clients annoying me greatly. This morning I have been asked what I think of a competitor my client is thinking of using ... rude much? And just had a snotty email from someone (copying in the world) expressing surprise that I am struggling with a piece of work because its really not that difficult - clearly MsGee is just thick. GRRRRR.

saf - i have found that soberity has made me face a fucking shed load of stuff that i had buried as far down as i could! - its ok though, i find the longer im sober the easier it is to deal with it all, i can look at stuff objectivly, calmly, feel the feeling and then put it back in the back of my brain and get on with today iyswim? before i could sit on my resentment/pain/anger, chew it up over and over and over... it never got any better, just screwed my head up and was on the point of making me very bitter (and 'bitter' is not a good look on a menopausal face! )

i have been pondering 'alcoholic thinking' too - i have certainly been guilty of being a 'dry drunk' at times - when i lose my rag because i cant have a drink, when i feel resentful and that life is unfair and everyone else is a shit for not 'letting' me get wasted - then the times when im an unbearable sanctimounious old cow because im sober and everyone else around 'is not facing up to their drink problems' like its anything to do with me! - i find these times are becoming less and less and apart from my skewed thinking being sober has only got positive points for me, if i sit back and properly look at my drinking i can see no positive effects on my life or my families lives - all i can see is distruction and unhappiness.

just checking in

Hey Ma

JWN - that's exactly the point I had gotten to. Falling off the toilet pissed and smashing my face in? On holiday, with DD's friend there, having to lie.

Going out with a friend on her birthday to the pub, coming home and puking my guts up in front of DD's friend, a different one but still.

The shame. Poor girl.

She said to last night, 'you smell so much nice mum, you look really slim and nice too.'

Strange how children don't say anything when you are behaving like an idiot, trying to pickle yourself from the inside out. But maybe that's because they are too scared to say anything to the drinking version of you?

I know I am a new person since I stopped, I'm calmer and far less snappy. I have time for people because I'm not thinking about drink o'clock. I have time to see what's around me, time to listen, to be, to live.

And I like who I am

msgee nothing worse! Work would be wonderful if it wasn't for the people we have to contend with

Waves at ma

mouse that last sentence is wonderful to read.

I like who I am too! The blessing of getting off the perpetual merry-go-round of drinking.

Just typed out a huge long ranty email to the Solicitors, and feel much better. Haven't sent it, will hold onto it for 24 hours and then revisit. I suppose that is another thing that sobriety has given me - the ability to respond to situations rather than to react to them!
Now - if only I could stop being quite so shouty at home .

Am feeling a bit better, but also realise that I cannot continue to allow this situation, I need to move it forward come what may . Does anyone have more than a few thousand pounds to lend me - hopeful .

Right - back to get some more work done.
Just knowing that you lot are here does help!

i have a strange desire to go and buy a newspaper with a crossword in, go to the pub, order a coke and sit and do my crossword not sure if this is a healthy idea or madness.

i feel like a change of scene and used to use pubs for that sometimes. i feel like having people in the background - likewise for pub. it suddenly occurred to me i could do that minus the alcohol.

i think i will.

actually scrap that.

i've already talked myself out of it.

Afternoon Babes :)
Sorry you had a rough night mouse :(
I slept ok ish feeling a bit brighter today, have done my cleaning and wh ien the kids get in I'm gonna have a nice bath and wash/straighten my hair and paint my nails.

how's everyone holding up?

I'm glad you talked yourself out of going to the pub too :)
can I say a special thanks to the poster who posted about the boxing ring scenario? its really struck a chord with me and made me realise that I will never win a battle with alcohol and come out unscathed. so its best to not even try :) x

"i have a strange desire to go and buy a newspaper with a crossword in, go to the pub, order a coke and sit and do my crossword not sure if this is a healthy idea or madness."

It's a shit idea. Glad to see you've changed your mind.

Just a tiny update before I have to go out again. Day 2, and although some thoughts no real desire to drink and even some times today when I forgot to worry about it all! The funny thing for me today is, all the choices I made, to take vits, drink tomato juice and lemon juice and not to start the day with a can...I imagined you were all watching me and nodding or cheering and I felt you were there for me, feeling glad for me. So, if it doesn't sound like I've gone completely mad...thank you all.
Physically I feel fine, no withdrawal feelings at the mo, hope it lasts, given the amount I was drinking it will probably take weeks for me to notice it not sloshing around my system!
Off to pick up kids then to my second job till 9.30, will try to read up on rest of thread then if I can stay awake.
Thank you again, I feel like you have my back!
xx

MIFLAW

Saf how about a cafe instead. One without a licence of course. Garden centres sometimes have lovely patio cafes. Pity the weather is starting to drive us all indoors again.

Bafana I think you should consider changing your solicitor. They sound crap tbh.

Well done all those staying off the hard stuff today.

Don't forget that it's face pack friday tomorrow babes (you too MIF) so get your supplies in.