The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Joins The Foreign Legion In Their Quest For Sobriety.

[Mouseface]

Hello, I'm Mouse and I have a very abusive relationship with alcohol.

I can't just have one glass of anything, I have to drink until I pass out or run out. Whichever comes first.

This Bus is a place of solace and safety, where drinkers, non-drinkers and those who aren't quite sure can come and post or just sit and 'be'.

No-one will judge you, no-one will think any the less of you because we all have the same thing in common.

Alcohol.

And for those who want to read the journey's so far and the original thread by JWN, the lady who very bravely started these journeys for us, HERE they are.

(PS - the title is just for you notevenamousie)

Phew, finally caught up. Welcome to newbies .

Two things have stood out to me tonight.

1. Thinking that drinking is weak. Wrong! It takes so much strength to put yourself through that day in day out. Waking up feeling physically drained as if your body has been poisoned. Struggling through the demands of work and family life. Coping with stressful health scares. Self loathing. Sabotaging relationships with friends and family. Living with guilty secrets. Ignoring financial difficulties to buy more alcohol. Trekking around to get it from different places to avoid the shame. Likewise to dispose of the empties.

This takes a heck of a lot of strength and determination. People who do this are not weak. People who do this have a problem with alcohol. They cannot drink normally. With support, they can stop beating themselves up like this.

2. Thinking that you have to drink on social occasions or your friends will think you are strange . What 'friends' would these be then? There are any number of excuses we can give for not drinking. I'm driving. I'm on antibiotics. I've got a big day tomorrow. I'm on a diet. I'm on a health detox.

But there is absolutely nothing wrong with just saying I don't want to drink tonight. And if the company you are in have a problem with that then chances are they have their own problem with alcohol.

Stop letting the bottle dictate to you! Make the choices that will improve your life. One day at a time.

Therein lies the lesson for today

drinking here, as usual. Doing well with the diet food-wise, doing well exercise wise, suck on the booze bit. Why in the name of God can't I go a night without a drink??? don't answer that Mif
I thought green lentils would be a healthy option (for food, not drink) but the packet seems to indicate they are high carb. What the hell CAN I eat?
Am having muesli and fruit for breakfast, had sanwiches and yoghurt for lunch, and veggie stir fry for tea. Does this sound about right?

Nice one Faire
Nail on the head and very eloquently put.

I want to be back on this thread - but I feel awkward about it because I'm still drinking.

A lot going on in RL too.

HOWEVER

I have to share this information because it would be CRIMINAL not to
Get yourselves over to Style and Beauty - BARE ESCENTUALS

IT WORKS......

I don't mean to be flippant, but hey, anything that makes you feel better about yourself has got to be a good thing.... surely. I was thinking about this tonight and I realised that I spend no time at all on making ME feel GOOD.

Also if you are giving up or cutting down, you are going to look SO MUCH BETTER - when I actually stopped for 4 months I looked ten years younger no puffiness, clear white eyes, clear skin......

We drink because we don't like ourselves.

On whatever level or for whatever reason.

We need to learn to like/love/respect/accept who we are.

Tired now

Sweet dreams BBs

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Loopy - we all know how you feel. That 'Yay, I'm going to make a change in my life, I'm going to take control, go me!'

And, when you get there, do that, it's a bit, well, flat isn't it? You build yourself up to this new you but it's a bit, well, meh.

Loopy - trust me when I tell you that this feeling you have is only for day one of the rest of your life. You will feel better, you will feel stronger, brighter, you'll lose weight, your eyes will shine, you'll have more energy, taste your food more, smell more things, your skin will glow, your face will have less wrinkles, less worry lines.

You will look amazing as all of the energy inside you shines out.

Each step you take is a step towards a non grumpy hung over mummy. A more fun mummy, a more rested mummy because you will be able to have a rested sleep, not a jumpy, fretful night.

I'm only assuming here, that you don't have the above right now, and apologise if I step out of line.

But stick with us, and you will be the person you want to be. And you'll do it with all of our support xx

BB - sorry, why are you proud of me? [thick and tired]

Sounds OK Ma but might not be enough. Do you feel hungry? I had cornflakes with semi milk (not keen on muesli) for breakfast, chocolate and fudge alpen light cereal bar mid morning snack (only 76 cals), tomato sandwich with dairylea light instead of butter & ww bread, ww yoghurt, some grapes and some raw sugarsnap peas for lunch. Packet of snack-a-jacks for mid afternoon snack, and grilled chicken breast with mixed salad, cucumber, celery, cherry toms & a handful of crushed walnuts for dinner. Haven't added up the cals yet but will let you know.

Silver No, no, no don't feel awkward! Everyone has something to share. We are helping each other and your contribution is just as valuable as anyone's. You know that some of us are drinking. It's OK (and we need a driver)

Mouse that feeling you just described for Loopy . . . it's great isn't it . It's really hard to explain just how good it feels.

I can never go down drop slides. I sit at the top and I get scared. And my kids says to me, go on Mum, you'll love it. But I don't. I don't really know what I'm scared of. It's silly really. I see lots of other people doing it and they are laughing and having fun and running back up to do it again. No matter how someone describes the fun to me, I'm still scared.

Stopping drinking is a bit like that. You really don't know how good it is until you try it. No matter how much other people tell you, you have to experience it for yourself.

Ma have added it up using Food Focus. 828 calories. I am aiming for 1,000 a day. And I've been to play badminton today. Feeling quite energised actually

I am clicking around the link Dubs gave earlier - www.addictionrecoverybasics.com
VERY interesting
Good Night

Ok. I am on glass 4 of cheap cider not ideal but I'm feeling quite proud of myself :)

DH on the other hand, has just gone to bed. He's had 2 bottles of magners, a bottle of wine and the remnants of a bottle of brandy ( maybe a triple shots worth)

I am staying up for a while to watch recorded soaps, I'm a bit scared of going to bed as usually by now, I'm rather wasted and ready for bed.

I suspect I'm not gonna have a good nights sleep.

Thank you mouse for your recent post, it really spurred me on and I can't believe I have both eyes open at this time of night instead of only squinting through one. :) x

That link takes you to 'Self-Sabotage And Self-Defeating Behaviors In Addiction Recovery' On the right hand side is the beginning, 'Honesty' I'm now on 'relapse prevention pt 1'
I have never linked a link (?)
But need to go to sleep.

loopylou that is a good start. well done you. Don't worry about feeling a bit depressed, that's one of the consequences of alcohol. I'm sure you felt like that on the other nights, but you were possibly just too drunk to notice. You have done well tonight, come and post tomorrow.

Don't worry if you don't sleep. Just get a book to read (or read all the Brave Babes threads - that should take about 12 weeks!!)

Night all. Didn't drink today :)

Hope you sleep well lou

Well done lou you are right to feel proud of yourself. There are sometimes babes around in the wee hours if you are still awake. x

Thank you lovely ladies for your words of encouragement, it really helps.

I've just climbed into bed feeling the most sober at bed time than I have in a bloody long time :)

I'm not expecting sleep to come easy, but it'd be nice if it did.

I still feel proud, but a bit gutted that I drank more cider than planned, but its still worlds better than half a bottle of spirits and a bottle if wine isn't it?

Do you think cider is less harmful than wine/spirits ? X

Mouse proud that you have grasped the mettle, proud of your attitude, also I'm proud to be your (virtual) friend

Dubs
Dont take the first drink.
Thats all I have to do.
Unfortunately, that didn't work very well for me. I tried that, for some time, and got to AA with plenty of evidence that I couldn't just not take the first drink. If it had worked, I wouldn't need AA, or this thread, I'd just need a few tactics not to take the first drink, and I'd be fine.

It was explained to me in AA that the were two problems with respect to my drinking - the one you've described, the physical, whereby once I take the first drink the phenomenon of craving kicks off and I can't stopped, that is solved if I don't take the first drink. The second is that at certain times I have no mental defence against the first drink and I don't know when these times are going to be, else I could lock myself up/ spend the day with my sponsor/ give a friend all my means of getting alcohol, wait for the no mental defence bit to pass, and go back to the sane ways of thinking that mean all I have to do is not take the first drink. The giving in, and surrendering, to me, meant the admission that there is something insane in my thinking way before the first drink and there isn't one damn thing I can do about it. That's why I need a power that's greater than myself (and it doesn't matter what I call it or look to) - because alcohol, as has been proved time and again, is a power greater than me. Pretty much the whole of chapters 1-4 of the big book are about this - I didn't 'get it' for months in AA til I started working with my current sponsor and she explained it to me. And I'd read the book, but it's people that makes my understanding come alive.
If you can stop by not taking the first drink then that's great, I am just sharing that for me, as an alcoholic, thinking that was enough got me very drunk again very quickly.

Morning everyone else too :)

Dubs (can't find flowers so have a lovely post xx

have finally caught up. meant to post last night but ended up exploring dubs' excellent link. has given me lots of food for thought as have a lot of the posts on here.

i 'think' i'm done. as in i don't want to get back in the ring.

i'm also 'think' that some of my issues that i thought were the cause of my drinking may actually be a part of my drinking problem or just symptoms but i've been in absolute denial/ignorance of that. why?

i might be willing to realise the lengths i have gone to normalise my drinking and carry on being someone who needs to get, 'out of their head' in one way or another. i think i'm beginning to see that it's all one issue that actually, maybe, i could face up to and address and resolve.

sorry for randomness and me me me and thank you very much to everyone for being here and sharing their stories and experiences and being companions in this. i always tend to think i can do everything alone and i can't. that's just fact and i need to learn to accept it.

also wanted to share this:

i started drinking as a child. there was a drinks cabinet. i would come home at lunchtime when there was no one there when i was at a very confused and unhappy deep down stage and pour myself a drink. to not make it too obvious i would mix together a bit of everything so no particular bottle had been particularly hit. and i would sit alone and drink.

later when some traumatic stuff happened later in my teens that left me shell shocked and really not having a clue how to cope or who to get help from (or even knowing how to get help - how to reach out - as in it was just an alien concept) i started buying an 1/8th a week and adding that to the mix with alcohol and knowing exactly how many spliffs a day i could smoke and would make an extra strong one at night so i could have half before going to bed and half would be there in the morning when my parents had gone to work. i kept myself permanently 'medicated' to avoid it all.

i have to get ds out the door to school so can't go on.

dunno why just felt i had to type that.

saf ((( )))

Its good to keep talking.

I remember MIF once saying that once you get sober a few things can come to the surface that you have ignored or medicated to avoid. Perhaps all the clarity is just making you think on things a bit more?

I'm so sorry you had such difficult times as a child and a teenager. The thought of you as a child sitting alone and drinking has tears pouring down my face. xx

(((saf)))

dunno why just felt i had to type that.

You're reaching out, which is what you couldn't do as a child.

Keep posting.

loopylou how are you?

Did you sleep? What are your plans for today?

Mouse- we're all with you today.

thank you.

i think not drinking is just the start of it - maybe that's what is sinking in. but stopping drinking is key - it couldn't happen without it. think i need to read more about alcoholism, i may have been totally misunderstanding what it is and therefore not identifying with it. also i'm really good at hiding the damage and the disasters and have a very good phoenix streak so i've never really hit rock bottom in an undeniable way through abusing substances - that may have played a part. i'm determined i never want to though and so i'm believing there is a way to recover without having to go there.

on that site dubs linked to i read about how most people hit that rock bottom of total disaster before they face they really have a problem but that some people just get sick and tired of being sick and tired. i think i'm one of the latter.

sorry for all the self indulgence. it's all been happy, happy god i feel greatness up to now with the not drinking - kind of like the infatuation stage of being in love i guess. think it's moving on now to something else.