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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

In complete shock, help please

113 replies

inshockinshockinshock · 29/09/2011 16:47

Last night my dp and I were in bed sleeping, he woke me up to ask me yet more questions about my past (this is a regular thing, especially after he drinks) and we ended up arguing at 3am. This followed him leaving the house with a bottle of vodka and not coming back until this morning

Today my mum had an op to remove cancer, I had a 1/2 day from work to be with her afterwards and came home first. DP and I rowed again and whilst we were, his mum pulled up outside, so he starts yelling oh my mum can see your true colours now etc etc, so my response was to say 'when does she get to see yours, what about throwing the tea tin at my head so hard I had a lump the size of an egg or throwing your phone at me so hard I had a bruise that made my mum nearly vomit etc.

So dp was really mad by this point and backed me into the corner in the kitchen (his mum was still outside) and was screaming and raging in my face. I picked up a newspaper because his face was so close to mine it was frightening. He was frightening.

The next thing I knew my head slammed back, in to the cupboard, my nose popped and my teeth went through my lip. All this time his mum was outside. She took him away in the car after he had done it. He came back and is now refusing to leave saying he has to find somewhere else to go first.

I have to go out now to see my sick mum after her op with a lip so thick I can't speak and a swollen nose. He is telling me to say I opened the car door on my face.

He has apologised, but he says I drive him to it. I don't know what the fuck to do

OP posts:
ForYourDreamsAreChina · 29/09/2011 17:11

What everyone else has said.

Go, now.

CoffeeIsMyFriend · 29/09/2011 17:13

oh love. This is not a Darling PArtner, this is an abusive arse.

CAll the police, lock the doors and keep you and your child safe. You need to get this person out of your life. Sad

Like herhissy said, we will stay and help you as much as you need us to.

Alouiseg · 29/09/2011 17:13

Get his bloody Mother charged with aiding and abetting too. How could she stand there and watch then drive him away. She is complicit in this.

yellowraincoat · 29/09/2011 17:16

Please call the police, that sounds awful. I know it's scary, but it's the best thing to do. Or call Woman's Aid, have a chat with them.

lubeybooby · 29/09/2011 17:17

You must ring the police OP :( I'm so sorry and I know this is shit and scary as fuck but this is a serious assault and you must see it through

Thinking of you - call them now x

lubeybooby · 29/09/2011 17:18

And do not ever ever have him back no matter what he says....

PeachyWhoCannotType · 29/09/2011 17:19

Police

if his temper breaks do yu want his daughter seeing that? that's abuse from him to her; you can preent it or at the least protect her

Phone call now

your mum will be proud too

he is a wanker. He will always be a wanker. You otoh could end up a dead victim. Nah, not worth it

StewieGriffinsMom · 29/09/2011 17:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 29/09/2011 17:20

The first step - and often the hardest one to take - is the one you need to make for yourself. He needs to be gone from your life as of now. You must call the police; he is dangerous and this individual will likely put you in hospital or in a coffin in the end.

He is no darling partner of yours; he is an abuser.

ShoutyHamster · 29/09/2011 17:22

CALL THE POLICE

CALL THE POLICE

CALL THE POLICE

RIGHT NOW.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 29/09/2011 17:23

They always apologise but these people never mean what they say because they don't think they have done anything wrong. They just up the control ante even more; you've already seen an increase in the level and severity of violence in time (the tea towel, then the phone and now a physical assault upon your person).

You need to protect yourself as of now. Doing nothing re him is not an option.

PeachyWhoCannotType · 29/09/2011 17:23

If he is having his DD as well you might want to call her mother if she is at all approachable?

Waltraut · 29/09/2011 17:24

Police. He has hurt you, and he has threatened you with smashing your property up. Police. I'm very sorry.

Sausagesarenottheonlyfruit · 29/09/2011 17:26

Poor you, and your poor DS. You must accept that this is it now, he has been building up to this level of violence and now he's crossed the line he will do so over and over again.

You can talk it over all you want, make ultimatums and he can promise and swear it will never happen again.

They all do this,they probably even believe it at the time.
Mine did.
Until the next time i drove him to it.
And the next.

And eventually my Mum did find out what was happening. It was hard to conceal the extent of the abuse when she collected me from hospital. I know you dont want the same for your family.

MissBeehiving · 29/09/2011 17:29

Call the police, now. PLEASE.

AmberLeaf · 29/09/2011 17:35

Agree with others, get this abusive arse out of your life...get him out of your sons life, you do not want your son seeing this appalling behavior as an example of how to behave nor seeing his mother put up with it.

You can do this and you will love your life without this 'man' in it.

Take care.

Wormshuffler · 29/09/2011 17:36

This happened to a friend of mine. She called the police, they came straight away and arrested him. Then she had to go to the police station to give statement. He was then remanded for 2 weeks until she lost her bottle and dropped the charges. During this time though she had locks changed and the police fitted a panic alarm and gave him an injunction to not go within 100 meters of the house. They are now happily together with other people.

Call the police!!

MerryMagdalene · 29/09/2011 17:38

I also read only the first sentence of your post and the alarm bells were deafening.

Controlling, insecure, nasty bastard. You do not deserve this treatment.

If a stranger assaulted you in the street, what would you do?

Call the police.
Consult a solicitor.
Do whatever you have to do to get away from him tonight to somewhere safe - Womens Aid can help.

GeeinItLaldy · 29/09/2011 17:43

Call the police and have him removed from your house.

Then, when you get that taken care of, call Womens Aid (0808 2000 247). They can offer you all sorts of practical help, advice and support for keeping yourself safe and taking legal action (non molestation orders etc) if you need to.

Bluebelle38 · 29/09/2011 17:56

And how dare he tell you to say you banged your face on the car door.

Fucking coward.

He is more concerned about what people will think of him than your welfare. He is an absolute disgrace.

sqweegiebeckenheim · 29/09/2011 18:02

Jesus. Police. You poor thing.

Pakdooik · 29/09/2011 18:04

Police NOW!!

Becaroooo · 29/09/2011 18:08

CALL THE POLICE

Becaroooo · 29/09/2011 18:09

NOW

RhinoKey · 29/09/2011 18:09

For God sake call the police and protect yourself.

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