Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

advice needed desperately regarding social services

881 replies

wannabestressfree · 28/09/2011 21:10

I am desperate for some advice and wondered if anyone could help......

I have three sons. 14,10 and 7. My oldest is aspergers and ADHD, self harms daily and has had two stays in mental hospitals. On sunday he attacked me with a knife in front of my middle son. He didn't hurt me but obviously it was very scarey. He then absconded {he does this a lot} and eventually the police took him to hospital.

A house officer phoned me in the morning and said he would be requiring inpatient treatment but he is medicating at the moment [he is on a childrens ward} and so they have reversed the decision and say he is fit to return home. He self harms daily and his special education school has told social services they are refusing to have him back. I work full time as a teacher.

I told social services I wouldn't have him in the house......... this is after years of asking for help and they have phoned today and said they will give me respite for a week by placing him in foster care in our old home town. I cannot believe they would do this as this is where he absconds too and drinks and was basically told 'tough'......... no other foster carers would take him due to his mental condition. The social worker insisted I tell my school they were dealing with us {head was super supportive} and said they would be looking at the other children. I am so upset as I just want some help.

He will stop taking his medication when he comes home, attack the other children and roams in and out of the house. We are all exhausted.

So advice please............ do I take him back tomorrow or allow him into foster care that I know is not the right place. I honestly feel like they are emotionally blackmailing me..................

OP posts:
wannabestressfree · 03/04/2012 09:42

Me too Cronsilksilt.......... thanks Izzy as always. Am making a note and I will come back later to let you all know whats going on.

OP posts:
Maryz · 03/04/2012 10:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RhinosDontEatPancakes · 03/04/2012 17:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

wannabestressfree · 03/04/2012 18:32

hi everybody.
The meeting went as everybody expected. The psychiatrist, social worker and head nurse came. They asked to discuss my complaints with me
but
They refused to discuss the 'incident' at the Bill Yule. They said it was going to independent inquiry and they they weren't even sure what it would say. I played dumb over most things.
When my concerns over his care, removal and transportation were discussed they used lots of statements like 'unfortunate', unforseeable etc. They said the levels of anxiety of staff were very high and that 'lessons could be learnt' with regard to his removal etc. I don't feel they gave me a straight answer to anything.
They were keen to reiterate that he made progress there.
They agreed that protocol wasn't followed when they moved the boys but they were 'under pressure from above'.
They asked repeatedly if I would still be persuing a complaint and asked if a solicitor was involved.
They said that the 'attempted abduction' was still an open case but that my DS had refused to be interviewed [I was unaware of this]

I hope I have remembered everything............

OP posts:
Doha · 03/04/2012 19:09

After reading your thread l hope you answered yes to the complaint and yes to the solicitor.

They were obviously there to try and stop you taking matters further.

wannabestressfree · 03/04/2012 19:46

I basically said as his mother I felt it was my duty to stand up and make a complaint. I also said that there will be thousands of children to come like my Ds and I wouldn't wish what he had been through on any of them. Things have to change................

OP posts:
seaofyou · 03/04/2012 20:04

So the top dogs came...because the buck stops with them! As I said initially ...heads will role! Great news Ind Inquiry no stone will be left.
Maybe this is why this new placement is being so 'strict' as they are aware of the nature of possibly consequences.

So they were asking pleading with you if you not going to go ahead with complaint! Did you say you were using solicitor? I bet they know who you are using already and are worried. Did you record it? esp bits where 'lessons could be learned' 'procedures not followed' etc?

Good you played dumb, they were possibly trying to read you and playing dumb is hard to assess.
Well done Wannabe you handled it really well :)

Maryz · 03/04/2012 20:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

seaofyou · 03/04/2012 20:47

thats right Maryz they didn't want to talk or give a damn about wannabe ds they were to try and save their necks!

A very productive meeting for Wannabe at last the tide is possibly turning! Bit worrying though they were trying to intervew ds wannabe without legal/parental support!

Shellywelly1973 · 03/04/2012 21:00

Just wanted to let you know i've been following this thread from the beginning...Wannabe your an amazing women and mother. Keep strong. you have a lot of support out here. Gotta say some of the advice has been fantastic! Take care of yourself. xxx

wannabestressfree · 03/04/2012 21:38

At a time when I felt very alone and unequipped to handle the situation Mumsnet really showed its worth. Thank you ladies one and all xx

OP posts:
wannabestressfree · 03/04/2012 21:39

Am off to see DS tomorrow - hope i don't get lost! Will post and let you know hoe he is.

OP posts:
izzyizin · 03/04/2012 21:42

It took 3 of them to travel a not inconsiderable distance to your home in order to spend x hours dissembling when it would have taken one of them less than 10 minutes on the phone to have found out what they wanted to know?

The unit's been closed for some weeks now and, given the reduction in their workloads, I guess they have to justify their salaries by creating the occasional spot of 'busywork'. Nevertheless, it is tempting to wonder how many of them it takes to change a lightbulb and why 5 of them weren't sufficient to prevent a window being removed from a wall over the course of half an hour or so.

So, let's have look at what they told you:

They were keen to reiterate that he made progress there. In the immortal words, 'they would, wouldn't they'. Given that your ds was able to progress himself out of the unit without let or hindrance and all the way to London and back, I guess it can confidently be said that he made progress while he was in the BY - and he picked up a few diy tips too.

They said the levels of anxiety of staff were very high Read 'anxiety' and 'high' as staff shitting themselves when they realised that their customary lazy Sunday negligence work practices had given another enterprising allegedly mentally impaired and confuddled inmate the opportunity to make twats out of them.

and that 'lessons could be learnt' with regard to his removal etc The operative word here is 'could'. Lessons 'could' be learned but given the culture of substandard provision for mental health, they won't be.

They agreed that protocol wasn't followed when they moved the boys but they were 'under pressure from above. And the decision makers who engaged in an uncalled for knee-jerk reaction that has adversely impacted on the 7 or 8 mentally unwell adolescents who were summarily removed from the BY call themselves 'professional'? Headless chickens would make a better fist of adhering to good practice under pressure.

I don't feel they gave me a straight answer to anything. This either takes years of brainwashing training or they are, in fact, robots who are recharged in the basements of large institutions overnight. I've never been able to make up my mind which.

There will have been nuances in your conversations with the unholy trio that didn't cross your consciousness at the time but will have registered subliminally. Give it a few days and I reckon you'll find that certain aspects will slot into place and you''ll have moments of 'of course, that's why they said x, y, or z' - make sure to note them down.

And now you're off for your long awaited first meeting with ds since his move? With regard to solicitors, possible legal action, challenges to the non provisions made for ds etc, you're best advised to keep your cards close to your chest.

Take your notebook with you and record your impressions of the unit, of how ds is faring, the manner in which you are received and treated, and ask for a copy of ds's diagnosis and prognosis.

Belated birthday wishes to you, honey, and many happy returns to the birthday boy.

WetAugust · 03/04/2012 22:42

Hi Wannabe

What an ordeal to be forced to listen to their vacous nonsense re 'lessons learned' or as we call them 'lessons identified, filed and ignored'.

As Izzy said - write down everything you can remember about that meeting as soon as you can. It may be veryuseful in any future proceedings. If they truly wanted to avoid legal reprocussions an open and sincere apology may have been a better way to go about it than playing the sub judice card. Quite disgusting.

It occurred to me that you may have an ally in Bob Stewart if you could cosy up to him. He's going to be provided with acopy of the fill report into the incident. You may be able to set the record straight via him when the whitewash report is finally published.

Hope you have a really great meeting with your DS and let's hope he is able to return to your local area very soon.

You're doing great.

cronsilksilt · 03/04/2012 23:30

well done wannabe - that's you one step closer to getting answers for your ds
hope you and ds have a good day tomorrow

seaofyou · 03/04/2012 23:47

Ha Izzy you don't alf make me laugh the way you say things...lazy Sunday negligence ha! But spot on!

I third that write everything down...you have a diary here too Wink

Hope the visit goes well sending great vibes about it all for your ds and you this visit.

MaryZ · 05/04/2012 11:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

IamtheZombie · 05/04/2012 19:26

Zombie is wondering the same as Maryz.

She hopes it went well.

wannabestressfree · 06/04/2012 16:43

Visit went well but was very upsetting one way or another. He apparently got up at seven on wednesday as he knew I was coming. The meeting went well and it felt amazing to finally see him.

I had a meeting with the consultant and the social worker at nine the next day then Ds's cpa. They were both incredibly traumatic. And I am still feeling it now. To hear in black and white the hopelessness of his predicament [at the moment] and the battle he faces made me feel so sad and that was exacerbated by the fact it was his birthday.

The birthday boy loved his presents, his cake and I made him a photo collage for his wall. He sat [semi patiently] through his CPA and tried hard to keep up. I think they are heading for a diagnosis of schizoprehenia [sp] with severe paranoid tendencies. He is a danger to others, incites other patients, is violent, has problems with sleep, unable to supress extreme behaviour. They do a test once a week to gauge his safety and risk to himself and others and he scores very badly. His arms, legs and chest are a mess again.

I will continue to love and support him however I can. I just feel very low about things.

OP posts:
PattyPenguin · 06/04/2012 16:49

I really don't know what to say, wannabe, except that I'm truly sorry that things are turning out this way and am sending you and your family my thoughts and sympathy.

boris18 · 06/04/2012 17:17

I have been following our thread for a while and am so sorry that you, your DS and your family are all in such a horrible situation.

It must have been absolutely shocking and heartbreaking to hear the extent of your DS' disturbance and indeed the unit's assessment of his risk.

A diagnosis of schizophrenia particularly at a young age is serious. In some ways, however, if his risk is arising (even if only in part) from a treatable condition such as schizophrenia his prognosis might be better than if he did not have a mental illness. Even if he has a difficult to treat form of illness use of 3rd line medication such as clozapine can be very successful. If his acute symptoms can be brought under control then longer term psychological treatment to try to address and mitigate his personality difficulties can be introduced. It does sound as if he is in the best sort of facility to address his problems. That does not reduce your pain though at seeing him there.

I send you my thoughts and best wishes. I am limited as to what I can say in a public forum but if you want to pm me any questions about forensic mental health units, general approaches to diagnosis, treatment and risk management I would be happy to try and help.

izzyizin · 06/04/2012 17:23

I'm so very, very, sorry to hear this, wannabe - I wish I could give you a hug and take some of the pain away.

It's heartbreaking for you to hear such a bleak assessment of your beloved ds's current state of mind. I expect you feel that your worst fears have been confirmed, but please don't despair.

How did your ds seem to you? Does he have any insight into his condition? Did he give you any indication of what his current thoughts are? How does he feel at finding himself so far away from his home? Does he believe that he is in the right place?

What are your thoughts about the unit? Does it have the expertise to administer the treatment and therapy it appears he needs at the present time? Have you been given reassurance that you will be consulted as and when his care plan is subject to alteration, and will you receive regular updates on his progress?

Please don't rush to answer these questions, honey. You need time to recover from the past few days - simply undertaking such a long journey is stressful in itself and no doubt you found it extremely distressing to leave your ds so far away when you travelled home.

Go easy on yourself and try to immerse yourself into activities and pursuits that will take your mind off the apparent current hopelessness of ds's condition for a while.

wannabestressfree · 06/04/2012 18:50

Actually he seemed very happy.He has a good rapport with the one to one nursing staff and he does think he is in the right place. He has had conversations with me and my mum where he admits he was ill when he was admitted, has a problem and wants to get better. I just got the impression this could take years, well before he is no longer deemed a risk.

And for the first time I felt scared of what he is capable of. In his CPA report it said he had harboured violent fantasies at the previous hospital about murdering me - i was top of his hit list. That really made me cry, I wasn't aware of that. When they spoke about my risk before I thought they were being overly cautious. I didn't think there was an actual problem. They kept reassuring me he is ill. It was a shock though.

The unit have promised to send his weekly assessments and inform me of any major changes - eg if he needs to be nursed differently. It seemed a nice place to be, the staff were very engaged and keen to reassure me. I do think from an aspergers view it is far superior to the Bill Yule. All my family send him little notes, cd's and bits to cheer him up. The hospital said they see him as a log term patient.

I have decided to take the other children away for a few days on sunday and my mum is going to take over the phoning of DS. I will be on before then but I think I need some unwinding time. I will be back on after and thanks all for the continued support.

OP posts:
scummymummy · 06/04/2012 23:28

Oh wannabe, it all sounds pretty heartbreaking for you as his mum. I'm not surprised you felt awful. You have been so strong for him, though and the staff are so right that it is his illness talking. I'm glad he seems to be in an appropriate place and making some progress in recognising that he's not well.

Have a really good break with your other babies. xxxx

DizzyCow63 · 07/04/2012 00:16

I have just read the entire thread and couldn't not comment as I have been moved to tears by your battle for your son, I have no advise but just wanted to say you are doing an amazing job for your son, so many people would have crumpled and stopped fighting by now, your son is lucky to have you. Sending you & your family love and strength x