Straw poll: is it socially unacceptable for right handed child to use fork in right hand and knife in left?

[saffycat]

My dh is driving my mad! This may seem like a very small issue but is having huge consequences.My ds aged 12 (his stepson) prefers to use fork in right and knife in left hand. This enrages my dh to the point where he says he will refuse to eat meals with him if he continues - effectively forcing me to eat with either him and dd ostracising my son or eat with ds and cause a rift between us. Ds is upset at dh's insistence and says 'why can't he realise that we are just different?' ds is very upset and very sensitive anything that reinforces his perception that dh dissaproves of him. Dh refuses to budge on this issue. I think mealtimes should be a harmonious time for families to connect with each other and that building bridges with my son is so much more important than a point of principle. Aaaaarrgh!

I was actually serious about the salt question, MadamD! The nuns sound sufficiently insane concerned for your future table manners to have introduced such a rule.

sounds liek your dh is bullying him to me

No decent person refuses to eat with a child because of how they hold their cutlery unless they have real "ishoos".

The reason he's meant to use the knife in his right is because his cutting hand will be stronger...it's not really ok to do it the way your DS is doing it....bu I wouldn't be enraged by it.

I think you ought to have encouraged him to do it properly sooner tbh

I also think it sounds like there are deeper issues. I think your DH needs to face up to his feelings. It sounds sadly like he doesn't like your DS.

look, good table manners are about eating tidily, if you can, asking nicely if you need something, ie salt. waiting your turn. Asking if you can get down from the table politely.

For a more graphic example, love, my mother battled with me about using my left hand for eating my soup (despite already having a left-handed daughter!) she finally gave up.

My son is dyspraxic. he has beautiful manners, and is right-handed, but has such poor muscle tone he can use whatever bloomin' hand works best for him.

The OP, who has gone, surely knows that to bully and isolate a child, refuse to eat as a family over something so trivial, is not aout the child , its about the adult playing out some mean and bullying scenario towards the OPs child.

I don't believe it for a moment, but am shocked that some people would focus on the child rather than the adults lack of care, compassion and family sensibility.

Perfectly acceptable and normal in North America. I have never eaten any other way.

Your dh is not being 'd'..he is a bully. Not fair on that poor child.

Agree the OP's husband is an arse but I also agree with Loveinacoldclimate - I would never eat "the wrong way round", wouldn't allow a child to do it either, and would judge anyone who held their knife in their left hand. It's just wrong!

Aaaagh please stop focusing on the child!! Totally agree with MadameD. The H is at fault. Something else going on with him. He's a twat to be like this. Really potentially damaging to the boy.

No one who thinks it's acceptable to force someone to eat in a way that feels unnatural to them has answered my question about whether they still think it's ok to tie a child's left arm to their side.

Yes it is the H, he is a prize prick, but judging by this thread he's not alone.

GML, that is unneccessarily harsh on posters here, imo.

I am a poster who has said that it feels 'wrong' to me. and that I am teaching my (righthanded) children to eat with their cutlery in their 'correct' hands.

doing it the 'wrong' way round feels wrong to me, because it is something I was always told (not harshly, not excessively even) - just one of those things. like using the same washing powder, or going to church on Sunday

if either of my children was actually struggling with what I expected, then I would not push the issue (am not sure that any poster here has said that they would). but they don't. and so I remind them to be consistent with their habits, and use the cutlery as set out: knife on right, fork on left, spoon in whichever hand they feel most comfortable.

the dh in the OP is completely and utterly in the wrong. there is no excuse.

but to tar any poster with the same brush, because they are teaching their children according to social convention is a bit OTT.

just logged on quickly before going up the apples and pears to read your posts and to say a big thank you for your support and sense of humour - (something lacking here tonight). Am resolved to stay calm, have words with dh tomorrow and eat with ds if necessary.

Good grief! Haven't heard such utter rubbish in ages. OP your DH is a prize twunt and should be ignored. Support your DS not DH! My late father, myself and my sister all write with our right hand and use our fork in our right hand too (as well as our spoon). In our home is was Mum who did things the odd way round by having fork in the left hand.

It's perfectly socially acceptable and any idiot who believes otherwise quite frankly isn't worth your time or attention.

I am right handed but eat like your ds.

Quite frankly, anyone who could be arsed to get their knickers in a twist about such an issue is the one I would refuse to dine with.

I do this........I have been to many a formal do's too. With my dh's job and mine previously.

Silver service etc, etc. No-one has EVER said a thing. He sounds like an arse.

The thing is, the judgers wouldn't say anything to you. They would just talk about how odd it had been after you'd gone. Or silently make a negative mental note on the subject. I would prefer to avoid that, for me or my children.

OP, I very much hope you find a happy solution. Things do not sound at all good as they are.

love, please believe it really doesn't matter.

Certainly not for a child. Time and enough to modify their eating habits before the hell of being judged in job interviews. If we even agree with you.

Focus on the OP. A Step-parent who expresses so much disgust that he refuses to eat with the child.

C'mon. That is bonkers.

Totally agreed, MadamD. Now I really am going to sleep, if the sodding car alarm outside ever stops going off!

bloody car alarms. hate hate hate.

It's killing me. It goes off for five minutes, stops and waits just long enough that I decide it's stopped for good and start falling asleep, then starts again.
Midwife has told me to rest... perhaps I could track down the car's owner and weep at them while waving my notes...

God, its hideous, isn't it? especially if you have a baby that thinks its just fab to jump around all night as you try to grab some sleep. All I remember from having ds was glugging gaviscon endlessly, and wishing for a sniper rifle to shut up all the loud asses mooching outside my window....

I have honestly never, ever noticed the way anyone holds their knife and fork!

loveinacoldclimate @ judging someone for the way they hold their cutlery. Have you considered a hobby? Maybe if you had more to do/think about you wouldn't worry about such things.....

OP your husband sounds like a prick and you shouldn't let him bully your son like that. Tell him to fuck off and eat by himself if he can't behave like a reasonable person.

Ah yes, a sniper rifle could work... oh god, that reminds me, the pub nearby will shut soon and the alarm will be joined by the dulcet tones of drunks and taxis beeping their horns....

ah, sod table manners, we need a crack MN team to swoop down and scare the bejesus out of all of the noisy f**rs...