Straw poll: is it socially unacceptable for right handed child to use fork in right hand and knife in left?

[saffycat]

My dh is driving my mad! This may seem like a very small issue but is having huge consequences.My ds aged 12 (his stepson) prefers to use fork in right and knife in left hand. This enrages my dh to the point where he says he will refuse to eat meals with him if he continues - effectively forcing me to eat with either him and dd ostracising my son or eat with ds and cause a rift between us. Ds is upset at dh's insistence and says 'why can't he realise that we are just different?' ds is very upset and very sensitive anything that reinforces his perception that dh dissaproves of him. Dh refuses to budge on this issue. I think mealtimes should be a harmonious time for families to connect with each other and that building bridges with my son is so much more important than a point of principle. Aaaaarrgh!

Don't you bump elbows sitting round the table if everyone uses different hands to eat (we have a really small table so this may not apply to you if you don't!)?

Yes abusive if you ridicule a child for using cutlery in a certain way which you personally disapprove of, but does not take into account the child or its circumstances.

But hey, The Nuns used to slap the spoon out of my mouth when I used my left hand, that was the norm then.

I cant actually believe any one with half a brain would even raise this as a 'problem'
IT JUST DOES NOT MATTER
get over yourself you arse.

your dh is being very unreasonable in the way he is acting. he is entitled to his opinion on how people 'should' use cutlery, but he has no right to upset your ds, or you, over it.

that said, I do think that it is important to use cutlery the 'right' way round, and am teaching my (right handed) dc to do so. (NB I am a left hander, and use cutlery conventionally). but I would never condone the kind of comments your dh is making. he is being an arse.

MadamD - it says in the thread title (unless I've started hallucinating with confusion at the amount of energy I am putting in to arguing cutlery points!).

tell ya what, lets make them all eat at a separate table. save all those bumping elbows.

I can't believe you're tolerating this behaviour from your DH. Refusing to eat with your son????

I would eat with my son and only serve sandwiches, crisps, soup etc to your DH until he stops being so pathetic.

Right handed person, who wants to fit in in socially smart and respectable circles/places should hold their fork in their left hand with prongs facing down and knife in right hand.
Its just the proper way.
You can eat how you like though.

That's sad about the nuns, MadamD. I'm so sorry to hear that. That is abusive. I'd like to make it clear that our lunches were nothing at all like that!

Fair dos, love, missed that bit.

But still doesn't change the fact it does not matter. At all, now or in the future, and I would never let any partner of mine make my child feel shit because of his narrow, old-fashioned prejudices.

No it's not socially unacceptable.

Bullying is. You DH is bullying your son.

If I were sitting at the same table as your DH, my knife and fork would be going somewhere very socially unacceptable. Tell him to eat out if he doesn't like it. Permanently.

That should bring him up sharp.

yes weevil, but you are meant to change your fork over to your right hand to put it in your mouth.

Right, I'm off to sleep, being a knackered pregnant whale - I hope you manage to find a solution, OP.

Love no it's not an issue even on a small table because people just keep their elbows close to them (as you should do if you have good table manners )

Serioulsy it is very old fashion to insist on it.

And the OP has a much bigger problem on her hands anyway.

Is that right about changing hands, MadamD? Debretts doesn't mention that -www.debretts.com/etiquette/food-and-drink/table-manners/cutlery.aspx and I haven't noticed that being done even at the smartest events! Are you in the UK?

Gay, link fail - www.debretts.com/etiquette/food-and-drink/table-manners/cutlery.aspx

Nobody does it any more, but yes, that is the correct way.

Sorry, stupid autocorrect - "gay" clearly = "gah" before I get flamed for homophobia!

Wow, meal times must have taken most of the day in the convent! Were you allowed to ask for the salt to be passed or did you have to make polite conversation about how very salty the sea is until someone got the hint and passed it?

Nonsense you put the fork in your mouth using your left hand.

Please stick up for your son at all costs.

I would really be worried that once your husband feels he has won this battle, he will move on to some other aspect of your son's behaviour that displeases him.

(For what it's worth,I've held my fork in the 'wrong' hand all my life and it's never been an issue for anyone - especially those that were supposed to love and support me!)

The only time you use your fork in your right hand is if you put your knife down and use your fork spoon style to eat rice or something that doesnt need chopping.

This is about your DH's behaviour. It is not about your DS holding his cutlery and if it was your DS is quite right that everyone is different. He should be appreciated as he is. Would anyone criticise him for doing anything else left handed? No. School would also not force him to write with his right hand, it would be considered totally unacceptable. Yes, people can be judged on their 'naice' table manners but your DS is not breaching that, doing the pen thing or lifting is plate to his mouth he is using his cutlery but with his hands reversed.

The problem is your DH. What right does he have to put your DS down like this? Its bullying behaviour and sets DS apart. Given that your DH is aware that your DS already feels excluded sometimes, it is particularly nasty of him to focus on it, making him feel the odd one out. Does he do this over anything else?

Tell your DH that it is not socially acceptable to belittle anyone, including your DS for anything he feels more comfortable with because he is left handed.

Yeah, yeah, your are all right. I am a big fat liar, who lives in a cave, never been exposed to polite society etc etc.

But quite possibly I am just a good deal older than you. And stilll think the rules are crap. And not important to anybody at all now.