Straw poll: is it socially unacceptable for right handed child to use fork in right hand and knife in left?

[saffycat]

My dh is driving my mad! This may seem like a very small issue but is having huge consequences.My ds aged 12 (his stepson) prefers to use fork in right and knife in left hand. This enrages my dh to the point where he says he will refuse to eat meals with him if he continues - effectively forcing me to eat with either him and dd ostracising my son or eat with ds and cause a rift between us. Ds is upset at dh's insistence and says 'why can't he realise that we are just different?' ds is very upset and very sensitive anything that reinforces his perception that dh dissaproves of him. Dh refuses to budge on this issue. I think mealtimes should be a harmonious time for families to connect with each other and that building bridges with my son is so much more important than a point of principle. Aaaaarrgh!

I am right handed but eat left handed, ie: like your DS.

Drives my mum up the wall (I am 40), but no one else cares.

Sorry, the above was at GML.

EmLH - I am now going to stare covertly at people in restaurants looking out for this phenomenon!

My right handed DD does this and always has done. She does a lot of things lefthanded and left footed. She did have a teacher who tried to correct her a couple of years ago but DD just couldn't get it reversed. Besides we did some googling and it seems that it is perfecly acceptable anyway. She still has good table manners, just holds her knife and fork in the opposite hands.

their movie has finished - better sign off!

christ on a bike. One. what the fuck is to do with him how your child eats? your job. Two. Its hard enough being left handed without twunts like this making you feel like shit.

Tell him to shape up or ship out. your loyalty is to your son. Not your dh's notional sense of what is right, and really just an excuse to pick on your son.

You need to ask yourself, why does he feel it acceptable to bully your son. and why have you let it happen?

Any partner of mine who did this would see the door pdq.

I'm a left-hander who eats right handed like you do, OP. I can't see how doing it the other way around could be considered '2wrong'

Your DH is being a twat.

I'm amazed that anyone even notices which way people eat! What does it matter? It's ludicrous. I don't even think about it, I just eat and enjoy myself.

and love, you are talking total shit. Who on earth decides not employ someone because of how they eat?

I've been taken out for lunch as part of the interview process - is that weird? Coffee first for informal chat, then lunch, then more formal meeting to discuss details. Is that strange?

I'm not "talking shit", I'm passing on a personal anecdote about some people's take on the importance of cutlery management.

MadameDefarge I've had job interview that involved having lunch. I knew table manners would be extremely important. But then it made sense as the role involved having lunch with customers on a regular basis. My emploer wouldn't have wanted me to eat like a pig.
However the fact that I hold my knife with the left hand didn't seem a problem. I still got the job!

saffycat, could you not reframe the issue? The problem here isn't really whether it is socially acceptable or not. The issue is the way your H is handling the problem. Before looking at the fork problem, you need to look at the 'H attitude' problem.

Actually, I think I've got rather distracted on this thread from the real issue of the fact that the OP's partner sounds like a bit of a twonk. Sorry, OP. I still think it would be better if your DS learnt to use his knife and fork the usual way round, just so he doesn't end up being judged by people like my old colleague later on in life, but that's not really the issue here. I know you say you don't think your DH would agree to family counselling, but might that be something you could raise with him as part of ensuring you could eat as a family?

Yes you are. I have done all of those processes, but to be honest, they are not the norm. most people really don't care how you use your cutlery, expecially in a job scenario.

I am left handed and use my cutlery in a pretty conventional way, but I have some odd quirks. I have never been turned down for a job, after a fancy lunch, because IT DID NOT MATTER.

Hey, you are really qualified, We are gagging to employ you, the headhunter can't speak highly enough of you. We have researched you in the industry, you have a fantastic reputation, but sorry, no job, love, you HELD YOUR FORK WRONG!

Nope.

love, do you not get that being left handed is very different to being right handed?

Not hiring on the basis that they eat left handed it's the actions of a knob in my opinion... and yes, it's another right handed person who eats lefthanded here as well (and has most definitely not had her employment prospects maimed in any way due to it).

Also, the seriously posh people I know wouldn't give a flying figs about the whole thing either..

OP, what a horrible situation to be in but it's definitely a case of sticking up for your DS here - your DH is coming across as very mean in petty in this instance.

table manners are one thing. They are not the same as how you hold your cutlery.

Love I think you are right. Some people are as uptight as the OP's H.

But it doesn't mean you should change you ways just these little few. Especially when it doesn't amke sense at all.

As long as they have half decent table manners it does not matter a jot which hand they eat with. I am a left hander who eats right handed. DH is left handed and eats left handed. We manage fine. BTW I used to eat left handed but for some reason I swapped when I was still a child. My ex FIL is left handed and trying to force him to use his right hand as a child left him with a stammer so your DP's insistence on him changing could actually do some harm.

Sorry, x post with Cactus!

Just one more point on the cutlery thing, when I was at school we used to have lunch in small groups (10 or so) with the headmaster about once a month or so (I think in upper school only). Stuff like using cutlery in the wrong hands would have been firmly talked out of us! So clearly he thought it was going to matter. Is this just really, really old fashioned?

Yes its really really old fashioned. And quite frankly abusive in a school setting.

MadamD - the OP's child is right handed.

I've always eaten like that and funnily enough some does ALL of my fathers sided of the family (we are all right handed) why is it a problem?

at abusive. Yes, nice lunch with kindly headmaster... it's practically sending us down t'mines!

Is the OPs child right handed? I can't see where she said this. But does it matter anyway?

I'm just happy if mine use cutlery at all.