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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Would you be offended, upset, p***ed off, if you DH/DP of 10 years had no idea what to get you for christmas?

89 replies

LadyTophamInAChristmasHatt · 15/12/2005 14:33

Because I bloody well am!

Ok, he does get a xmas present every year but it's always after I've said "please choose something your self for me this year" about 50 times.
He never can choose for himself, so I always end up telling him "I'd like X, y or z" about a week before xmas.
He does get me nice things but, and I'm aware this sounds really ungrateful, he always gets me the most expensive of X, y or z. It almost like he feels guilty so spends that much to make up for it.
For example, Last year we had the same situation and he said "But I just don't know what you like "
I jokingly said "well, I like leather bags but you'd never be able to choose one of those, I'd like some boots bou again you hardly even know my size and I'd like a diamond ring but I already have one of those"
He bought me a ring. It's lovely but I really wasn't expecting him to get it.

The thing is I've spent £12 on him. £12 on 3 little presents, one from each Ds. I know he'll love each thing because I know him, I know what he'll use, like and appreicate(sp?) because after 10 years I've learnt all these things.

It really offends me that after 10 years he still has no idea of what he can get me that I'll like without giving him instructions or spending a furtune.

I'd be happier with present that cost £10 that he'd really thought about.

OP posts:
kama · 15/12/2005 14:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

MistleToo · 15/12/2005 14:36

yes but I've learned to live with it.

I find women always make a mental note when their partners mention a 'must have' but they are clueless.

The ONE year when dh thought he'd heard me say 'oooh I'd love one of those' he's actually heard DD say 'ooh I'd love one of those' - it was a footspa and it's been out of the box about twice - I suppose he tried but failed miserably!

doormat · 15/12/2005 14:37

LadyTopHam you have my sympathies
my dh is exactly the same
bloody useless when it comes to gift buying for me
I have to lead him to the shops and pick it out.
grrrrrr

Feistybird · 15/12/2005 14:37

I know where you're coming from....but I really struggle with my DP - kind of assume that after zillions of years together, he's kind of got everything he wants. The last 2 years I've bought him nothing....

BluStocking · 15/12/2005 14:37

I was listening to the Rawhide song on the radio, and the words jumped out at me with particular significance as I was thinking of men's minds:

Don't try to understand them
just Rope 'em, Throw them, brand 'em,

TRy not to take it personally LTH - some really just don't seem to get it.

crimbocrazydazy · 15/12/2005 14:38

When a man loves a woman he is eager to please her, he would rather buy something she likes than something he thinks she would like.

Plus they are not really very observant are they? Although saying that DP usually remembers something I have mentioned and surprises me with it on Xmas day.....its usually me that can't think what to get him and when the day comes he's usually bought me more things than I have him and I then feel guilty.

Sorry not much help Ladytopham

LadyTophamInAChristmasHatt · 15/12/2005 14:39

Kama, the thing is it was siad jokingly if I'd said it serously than I'd agree with you but he knew it was a joke at the time.

Today I told him I don't want anything.

OP posts:
crimbocrazydazy · 15/12/2005 14:41

Lol at footspa Mistletoo. I can't really knock DP as every single year we have been together he has always bought me lovely underwear, not tacky but sexy.

MelissasSecretSanta · 15/12/2005 14:42

DH hasn't got a clue. I write a list & he chooses some thing from that. Then he supliments it with chocs or jewellery or some other token gift that he knows I like to get, but as my main present, he wouldn't have a clue.

It's not so bad, at least you don't end up with things you don't like/are wrong size etc!

tortoiseshell · 15/12/2005 14:42

Dh can't ever think of anything for me. He is seriously stressed out at the moment! After one momentous year when he managed to give me nothing for Valentines, birthday, new baby, and Christmas he feels he ought to really make a bit of effort, but he is SO stuck. I really don't mind what he gets - just want him to think of it. If there's something I really want, I'd rather choose it!

Eowyn · 15/12/2005 14:43

been with my dh 10 yrs & he has absolutely no idea what to get me, indeed complained that having to buy for all of ONE person was "stressful".
i reeled off several things he could think about getting but pointed out it would be really nice if he actually gave it a little thought & surprised me a bit... but won't get my hopes up. Most things I mentioned (clothes/boots etc) he says there's no point buying cos they'll be reduced soon.
it's so lazy & unromantic .... i shall shut up or i'll go on for ever..

LadyTophamInAChristmasHatt · 15/12/2005 14:44

tye one time dh (he was dp at the time) bought me underwear he bought me this strange coral colur set that looked like bikini but was undies.
It was kind of waffley effect.

That was bad enough but he went with his friend to buy it so the friend thought I had really dodgy undies on when ever I saw him.

Christ, it was vile!

OP posts:
OComeOliveFaithfOil · 15/12/2005 14:46

I have a one off, always gets me lots of little things that are spot on.

But I drop huge hints quite a lot as well, he does need a bit of help.

LadyTophamInAChristmasHatt · 15/12/2005 14:46

Eowyn, aggghhhh, my Dh say exactly the same.
"Why don't you just get it in the sales?

Because I want to open a f**king christmas present that's why!!!

OP posts:
MelissasSecretSanta · 15/12/2005 14:47

Thats nothing, my DH's friend asked DH what to get me for my 21st (all those years ago) dh told him "she likes sexy undies"

DH friend brought me a lovely set of undies & matching camisole, the correct size, no lace (allergic to) & white . DH brought opposite! Now THAT'S worrying!

maZebraltov · 15/12/2005 14:49

I'm not very good at buying stuff for DH; he rarely likes it as much as I hoped he would. I would prefer us tocall a presents truce, honstly (I have this with my dad) & just exchange cuddles, not things.

DissLocated · 15/12/2005 14:58

My dh is useless at present buying, I usually tell him exactly what I want or pick the prezzie when i'm with him. This year I'm living dangerously and have told him to surprise me - I dread to think what I'll get.

It doesn't really worry me. My xp was great at buying thoughtful little presents, it was just the not sh*gging other people concept he struggled with. Fortunately dh is the exact opposite!

SHHHHsantaiscoming · 15/12/2005 14:58

dh is exactly the same!! I end up buying myself bits and pieces as I go along for dh to wrap..I try and make it easier on him as he hates shopping.
But I have told him in no uncertain terms..ok I told him outright...I will be very peeved if come christmas day all I have is what I have bought...I think he should have an idea of a little something I will like !!! Am I asking to much..!

thecattleareALOHing · 15/12/2005 15:00

Lots of men are like this. Mine for example. Doesn't mean he doesn't love you. Tell him what you want!

Sai · 15/12/2005 15:17

My dh is useless with these things too.
For our anniversary this year, dh said that he wanted to buy me something special on account of ds being born this year.
He then added that a girl at work said something from Tiffany's would be nice and would I like that?
I replied of course. He then got me to choose something (within his price range)
and so he bought me lovely earings but I couldn't help thinking how much more special it would have been if he'd surprised me with them!

Sai · 15/12/2005 15:19

Sorry, that wasn't really Christmas related just dh and present buying related!

PantomimEDAMe · 15/12/2005 15:19

Yes, I'd be upset, but not surprised. Dh still can't remember, for instance, that I don't like mushrooms. We've only been together 17 years...

MrsBubsDeVere · 15/12/2005 15:21

I'm getting nothing this year from him, he says he hasn't had time . So far I haven't even got a card off him.

He, on the other hand has got bucket loads, cd's, dvd, boxset, other dvds, stocking fillers, aftershave etc. He says I'll have to wait until the sales. He was actually going to keep the money that his mother gave him to pass on to me for christmas, to get me something.

Chandra · 15/12/2005 15:25

I expect that by the time we are married for ten years I will be perfectly used to choose my own gift. He has only managed to get the "corret" gift once in seven years of marriage, I preffer to choose the gift myself rather than ending with a very expensive gift that I hate...

moondog · 15/12/2005 15:33

LTH lol at the waffly underwear chosen by your dh's mate!

My dh hasn't got a clue really. I suspect it is because he is one of the least materialisitc people I know. I have to give him very definite pointers. I don't mind though,he really is lovely in every other way.

He stunned me only once-30th birthday. Presented me with a little parcel.Inside was aParis guidebook,tickets to said destination and details of bijou little hotel. Mind you,relationship was pretty much off then (he was dp at the time) in part due to his excessive interst in work and it was obviously a Big Effort to Change.

It worked.