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Relationships

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Would you be offended, upset, p***ed off, if you DH/DP of 10 years had no idea what to get you for christmas?

89 replies

LadyTophamInAChristmasHatt · 15/12/2005 14:33

Because I bloody well am!

Ok, he does get a xmas present every year but it's always after I've said "please choose something your self for me this year" about 50 times.
He never can choose for himself, so I always end up telling him "I'd like X, y or z" about a week before xmas.
He does get me nice things but, and I'm aware this sounds really ungrateful, he always gets me the most expensive of X, y or z. It almost like he feels guilty so spends that much to make up for it.
For example, Last year we had the same situation and he said "But I just don't know what you like "
I jokingly said "well, I like leather bags but you'd never be able to choose one of those, I'd like some boots bou again you hardly even know my size and I'd like a diamond ring but I already have one of those"
He bought me a ring. It's lovely but I really wasn't expecting him to get it.

The thing is I've spent £12 on him. £12 on 3 little presents, one from each Ds. I know he'll love each thing because I know him, I know what he'll use, like and appreicate(sp?) because after 10 years I've learnt all these things.

It really offends me that after 10 years he still has no idea of what he can get me that I'll like without giving him instructions or spending a furtune.

I'd be happier with present that cost £10 that he'd really thought about.

OP posts:
Nightynight · 17/12/2005 22:26

lol cat!

tbh, if my dh of 10 years didnt know what to buy me, Id prefer to get nothing at all, rather than have him agonising over it. It would be remembered on the Day of Judgement though.

longwaytogo · 19/12/2005 22:37

I'm a DH of a mumsnetter, and have been reading this thread to try and get some ideas for prezzies for my DW. Sadly I have to confess, all us blokes are the same, totally useless, I think I got the perfect gift only to realize I got it so wrong, even with the hints I still get it wrong. On behalf of all the useless blokes in the world, I'd like to say sorry for your lousy Christmas but we do love you!!

cathyspamtaslittlehelper · 19/12/2005 22:40

last year Dh had no money in December- he got me a contract mobile phone which was free (until 1st bill), a credit card (as an extra cardholder) and trip to London sometime which never happened! Oh the ingenuity of it all! PMSL!

Wordsmith · 19/12/2005 23:32

So it's not just me then.

If I knew something I really wanted, I'd tell him. But I don't. I would love some nice jewellery (not expensive stuff, just pretty) and have dropped a couple of hints but my DH doesn't have the confidence to buy things like that for me - he spends too much time thinking that i won't like it. Bt I remember for one birthday, about 2 months after I'd had out first child, he bought me a gold locket, so I could put pics of him and the baby in. It was so thoughtful, I could have cried. And yes, I would probably have chosen a different design of locket if I'd chosen it myself, but the point was, he thought about it.

Contrast this with 4 years later, my birthday 2 months after the birth of our second child. Three days before he told me he hadn't had time to get me a card (three days before - with shops still open!) And that's just a card. I had to go and buy myself a present - but it wasn't from him, it was just from the joint account. he had nothing to do with it. It was by far the worst day of our marriage and the worst birthday I have ever had.

Normally, it's something in between. Him panicking, and me buying something myself, or getting yet another CD or DVD.

The point is I think it does matter. Refusing to spend half an hour even thinking about what your partner of 20 years might like for Christmas or birthdays shows a complete lack of respect and interest. It took our relationship a long time to recover from the birthday card incident. It's still there in the background, festering....

alexsmum · 20/12/2005 00:28

got to say i am crap at buying presents for my dh and we've been together 14 years. i waif around the shops looking at things and buying nothing.if i had more money it would be easier cos i could go down the playstation route, but i'm skint so its.....i don't know..stuff!!!

had a fright this year when i accidently found out that dh was planning on buying me the most hideous, eighties throwback jumper ever and had to confront him and say...sorry i snooped, please don't buy it. he wasn't happy- he thought it was gorgeous!!!

Saker · 20/12/2005 13:23

I have to say that Dh and I quite often don't buy each other presents at all for Christmas or birthdays or we might decide to buy something together that we both want. This year Dh wanted some cycling videos that I wouldn't be able to choose for him so he ordered them and I have just wrapped them up. As far as I know he hasn't got me anything but occasionally he surprises me and I know he'll be fine if I want to go and buy lots of new clothes in January. I really don't feel that it is a big issue. Things people have mentioned on this thread such as make up, boots or bags are quite difficult to choose and I'm not sure I would know exactly what I would want myself without seeing it in the shop so it would be well nigh impossible for Dh. It really doesn't bother me and if I did want something I would just tell him.

handlemecarefully · 20/12/2005 13:48

Not really because if anybody ever asks me what I want for Christmas I struggle to think of an answer, so I can't really expect dh to fathom it out....

FIMBObellsFimbleAllTheWay · 20/12/2005 13:49

I have been with my dh for 13 years and the first couple of years when he was bf he was great (mind you, his mum helped him a lot). Now I just go out and buy what I want and usually end up wrapping it too!! I buy him one gift from me and one from the children, usually a book he wants or a cd.

munz · 20/12/2005 13:51

nup i've given him a list - I offered to do it in the end, has only got about 4 things on there thou - michael bolton cd bryan adams cd dressing gown and a book! lol - I know MIL has got me a CD so that's one thing out! lol. he'll have to think up the rest - have said def no perfume this year - I still have 3/4 of a bottle from the year b4 last

MeAndMylittledrummerBoy · 20/12/2005 13:52

Please don't take this as being flippant, because it isn't meant that way.

I have a little book called 365 ways to be romantic - it has a different idea for every day of the year - some just stupid and some really lovely.

Couldn't find it, but did find this

book

You could ask that your present be he read it and use it for your birthday and next christmas?

I think men just don't think and then wonder how the hell we do manage to find things that they will like - usually because we learn what they like and watch them.

Hope he manages to make it up to you. I do sympathise my ex got me a gold brooch one year and gave it me still in the shopping bag, with receipt and un writen christmas card. I have never worn gold and the only gold I have are 2 presents from him - idiot.

H x

ThePrisoner · 21/12/2005 01:31

We all issue pressie lists in our house - sometimes for something specific (a particular CD) or something a bit more vague (socks - any colour, any design etc.) Bless him, my dh won't ever buy anything on my list because he says it won't be a surprise!

SilentNightowl · 21/12/2005 02:37

men are useless. i was with my ex for 4 years and he couldnt even remember what drink to buy me in the pub. i liked most things (i could even stomach alchopops if offered)..except smirnoff ice and every sodding time he bought me one. even though just the sniff of it made me want to vomit. he did however buy me the most beautiful engagement ring, exactly what i would have chosen. to this day i dont believe he chose it himself.

bobbybobbobbingalong · 21/12/2005 04:42

Part 1 of test has been successfully accomplished my birthday - he got me a lovely heart to dangle on the necklace he got me for my 30th. I am 33 so there must have been a couple of forgettable presents in between.

Just Christmas to go...

Nightynight · 21/12/2005 07:31

silentNO - I would be cross about the drink. It really takes a lot to make me cross with dx, but that would get my goat!

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