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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Would you be offended, upset, p***ed off, if you DH/DP of 10 years had no idea what to get you for christmas?

89 replies

LadyTophamInAChristmasHatt · 15/12/2005 14:33

Because I bloody well am!

Ok, he does get a xmas present every year but it's always after I've said "please choose something your self for me this year" about 50 times.
He never can choose for himself, so I always end up telling him "I'd like X, y or z" about a week before xmas.
He does get me nice things but, and I'm aware this sounds really ungrateful, he always gets me the most expensive of X, y or z. It almost like he feels guilty so spends that much to make up for it.
For example, Last year we had the same situation and he said "But I just don't know what you like "
I jokingly said "well, I like leather bags but you'd never be able to choose one of those, I'd like some boots bou again you hardly even know my size and I'd like a diamond ring but I already have one of those"
He bought me a ring. It's lovely but I really wasn't expecting him to get it.

The thing is I've spent £12 on him. £12 on 3 little presents, one from each Ds. I know he'll love each thing because I know him, I know what he'll use, like and appreicate(sp?) because after 10 years I've learnt all these things.

It really offends me that after 10 years he still has no idea of what he can get me that I'll like without giving him instructions or spending a furtune.

I'd be happier with present that cost £10 that he'd really thought about.

OP posts:
moondog · 15/12/2005 15:34

Bubs...what an idiot.

LadyTophamInAChristmasHatt · 15/12/2005 15:41

Aloha, I'm fed up with telling him what i want though. He has 3 little girfts for xmas day, 2 of which are surprises.

I want a surprise too.

OP posts:
LadyTophamInAChristmasHatt · 15/12/2005 15:42

Edam, yes he does that too but with coffee.

OP posts:
lunavix · 15/12/2005 15:47

We have a budget for gifts (it was 100 each but we upped it to 150 as I'm a child at heart and we HAVE to have stockings.)

I think he's bought me the willy wonka dvd, the kt tunstall cd, possibly a cd we already have as well (it's been released with like one extra song lol what a waste of time!!!!) and I think he's bought me a pink nintendo ds.... I mentioned I thought they were cool ONCE and I think he's got me one... I have since told him I don't have the time for one, plus I'm not into games consoles....

Knowing him it won't even be pink lol

What I ASKED for (he asked me to make a christmas list which he never got off me lol) was a sizzix machine, and slippers. I've reminded him since, but I'm fairly sure he hasn't got either

I spent around 100 on him (clothes, dvds etc that he wanted) and have just blown the budget on one of those new sony walkmans.. he's ranted on about them for ages and if he didn't get one I'm sure he'd be a little peeved.

lunavix · 15/12/2005 15:49

I'll add this is the fourth year we've done stockings (he always says he wants them too.)

Last year, all he put in my stocking was a homemade cd (which incidentally was my main present too lol.. his was skydiving!) I have a feeling it will be cds again.. his has chocolate, small wrapped gifts, a book....

LadyTophamInAChristmasHatt · 15/12/2005 15:53

Lunavix, what is a sizzix machince? I keep seeing it mentioned all over the place and have no idea what it is.

OP posts:
TheFish · 15/12/2005 15:55

lth

i too haev a dh liek this
i ahev now decided ther are lots of lovely htings about him but he cannot do presents adn gets no enjoyment form it
so try to look at it as a PLUS that oyu cna shoose your won - no polyester naughty nurse undie sets for you !

annalucia · 15/12/2005 15:58

Dh and I have decided not to buy xmas presents this year. I get more stressed then he does and the things I buy him are never quite right.

for my presents I always give him a list but to be honest would prefer to choose it myself if it is something I really want. We are just both non-present people. I absolutely hate buying them and find the process so stressful I almost have a breakdown each year . It is such a relief not to worry about dh's present this year that I really couldn't care less that I won't be getting one either.

I also really don't like surprises much - it took me a while to realise this as we are all supposed to like them right? - Well not me - the presents are always 'just a little bit off or not quite what I would have bought or I have no use for and that is not just those from my dh.

Dh shows me in many ways he loves me - I really don't see that presents do that at all -especially presents that you 'have' to buy cos everyone else is.

LadyTophamInAChristmasHatt · 15/12/2005 16:12

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wewishyouamerryKITTYmas · 15/12/2005 16:16

I have to write DP a wish list usually along the lines for eg Perfume Pure Poison silvery box from Boots ie tell him exactly where to get it etc. I have to put 3 choices then he picks one as a surprise. He says I'm terrible to buy for and he gets all stressed (he's gone out today for my Xmas presents).

I have all his wrapped already he's really easy, horror DVDs, anything Star Wars, odd bit of clothing.

gscrym · 15/12/2005 16:17

I said 'get me something you think I'd like' and I got an air cylinder. Yes I like it and do use it but it kinda fell into the same category as a blender or other kitchen appliance. I now give him a list of things that I would like or a list of shops that I like getting nice things from and that way, he still has to think, but with a little help.

Eaney · 15/12/2005 16:25

I have given up with DP last year we didn't exchange gifts as we were both bereaved and it didn't feel right. Most othere years he has a go at me cos I'm 'so hard to buy for'. Everytime he says this I say you can always buy me some silver jewellery as I can never have too much of that. He then says that he won'd o that cos I have too much silver jewellery.

I can't remember the last time he bought me a thoughtful gift and now I just don't seem to have the energy to think of one for him. Funny that.

melrose · 15/12/2005 16:35

Yes I guess so, but I haven't a clue what to buy my DH so guess I am as bad!!

Blandmum · 15/12/2005 16:40

Dh, who I love to bits has to have some very, very heavy prompting, if I am to get anything I want.

Bless him, he just doen't 'get' present buying!

jac34 · 15/12/2005 16:44

I usually have to tell DH what to get but it doesn't bother me,at least I get what I want(We've been together 11years)
However,I'm so good at getting presents for DH, that he always goes out and buys exactly the same thing for himself before I can give it to himIt's happened twice now!!

biglipskissinunderthemistletoe · 15/12/2005 16:55

10 yrs - god youre lucky...! as ive been with mine for 5 yrs and he is totally clueless!!! as he had bought me everything i needed so hes taking me out shopping tonite!! SPEND SPEND SPEND!!!!

COPPERfeelunderSantasTOP · 15/12/2005 16:58

Dh is much better at choosing presents than I am.

EasyOnTheSherryPlease · 15/12/2005 16:59

We've been together 13 years, and he's absolutely stumped this year, but then I'm a bit stuck about what to get him too.

Trouble is we both want a new digi camera or somesuch, but feel it would be better to buy after Christmas.

PruniStuffing · 15/12/2005 17:20

This from an email sent to a pal last January:

"I took (DH) to this swanky cosmetics place, tried out a really nice face cream I wanted for Christmas, put it back, picked it up again, made him smell it, etc. The next day, he came to me in a panic, saying he just had no idea what to get me for Christmas, and was really stressed about it. I had made absolutely no impression on him AT ALL. I asked him later about it and sure enough, he hadn't picked up a single hint. Half of me thinks, well that's just him, and half of me thinks, jeez, what the hell's going on?"

Sort of sums it up. This year we both agreed, no big presents, just a fun stocking. Takes the pressure off.

TheFish · 15/12/2005 17:44

yes i email dh links titled "GET THIS FOR ME"

mummydear · 15/12/2005 17:45

I,ve been with DH for 10 years, he doesn't have a clue , I'm still waiting for my brithday present from the summer , still waiting for my engagemnet ring, so am wearing the one given to me my first DH. He still doesn't get the hint !!
I know its soound materalistic but it would mean so much if he made the effort to buy me one. When I was pregnant with DS1 he said he woould buy me an enternity ring , never appeared we now have DS2 and DS1 is 5 !!!

But DH is in a secure job and we have a roof over our head and two lovely boys, but he is still a bloody nusiance when it comes to things like this .

DH phoned me the other day frm work excitedly saying that he had got my Christmas present- something I'd always wanted ... where shall I start on the list !!!

He never buys any presents , its all down to me to buy for the kids and his family, on the other hand he is the most awkward person to buy for . I suppose sometimes you can't win.

Just tell him what you want or ask him for x am ount of money and go and get it yourself. Unfortunately alot of men are like this.

OhlittletownofEIDSVOLD · 15/12/2005 21:22

My dh is fab about buying presents but I am crap - I never know exactly what he would like - although I listen out to his ideas and likes throught he year and then when I ask him what he would like for Chrismtas - ah nothing....

So this year - we wrote our lists - and went together and bought each other what we wanted. He has some stocking things he does not know about BUT otherwise - he knows and so do I exactly what we are getting..... I would rather ti be that way than buy him something he thinks he might like and then not want it iyswim.

CliffRichardSucksEggsinHell · 15/12/2005 21:32

I used to get things like meat cleavers, potted cabbages, office chairs, miner's lanterns (that he'd found), calculators, etc. Now I tell him what I would like. I don't get too offended, he's just as hard to buy for and very often I don't have a clue what to get him and sometimes I've got it terribly wrong too!

So long as he loves me and makes an effort now and then to treat me nice (flowers, a meal, or even just cooking the tea) then I'm happy.

lunaturkey · 15/12/2005 21:36

i am lucky if i get anything so ive bought what i wanted for myself so i dont feel too glum when i dont get it
if i do get something i always have to choose myself i havent ever got a suprise and yes im about half an inch away from leaving him

one year he asked me what i wanted and i said a cd he said im not getting you that ill get you something better and i ended up with nout ??

6beetrootsAmilking · 15/12/2005 21:44

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