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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Keeping it tight after children

76 replies

barkwithnobite · 21/09/2011 21:57

how the he'll does this work? Friend n I were talking about this and ideas for keeping the V tight after having had kids. Keen to hear experience of others. Men - does it feel very different after you DP has had a child?

OP posts:
kunahero · 21/09/2011 22:14

Bubblewrap makes a nice popping noise during sex, makes it more interesting .

PeppermintPasty · 21/09/2011 22:14

Bet it made a mess of the floor mats. Geddit, flooooor mats.
I'll get me coat.

quidsi · 21/09/2011 22:14

kunaher - that made me snort! I think a little wee escaped out of the bubble wrap Grin

geraldinetheluckygoat · 21/09/2011 22:14

actually, in all seriousness, that expanding foam stuff might be a good bet.

flatbellyfella · 21/09/2011 22:15

Could this be a magpienchips post? I pmsl at rhubarbs coments until it went French . Me no understand coments then.

Valpollicella · 21/09/2011 22:15

Ursula, do you insert the jar open end down or something? So it's like one of those 'lifelike' blow up dolls with special lining

AnyFucker · 21/09/2011 22:16

pmsl at Ford escort

Original poster
barkwithnobite · 21/09/2011 22:19

Gosh, Thanks for all d help guys ...not Smile

OP posts:
RumourOfAHurricane · 21/09/2011 22:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

quidsi · 21/09/2011 22:22

WTF? How can you say we have not been any help? Where else would you be given advice of Ford Escorts, bubble wrap, bicycle pumps, jars - how tight do you need to be for fuck sake!

oldraver · 21/09/2011 22:23

I think you have to knit a new one. There are probably patterns out there somewhere

seeker · 21/09/2011 22:27

I think it's very important to make sure women can have c- sections on demand. It's the only way to ensure your vagina remains honeymoon fresh.

Valpollicella · 21/09/2011 22:30

Et voila <a class="break-all" href="http://www.google.co.uk/imgres?q=vagina+knitting+pattern&hl=en&sa=X&biw=1366&bih=705&tbm=isch&prmd=imvns&tbnid=iejVvgiajU3YgM:&imgrefurl=emilytbm.blogspot.com/2008/10/knitted-vulva.html&docid=PDUWnxE3_fnHZM&w=332&h=500&ei=QFd6TpeHM-TH0QWEmbGkAw&zoom=1&iact=hc&vpx=187&vpy=125&dur=548&hovh=255&hovw=169&tx=71&ty=118&page=1&tbnh=151&tbnw=100&start=0&ndsp=22&ved=1t:429,r:0,s:0" rel="nofollow" target="_blank"> your very own gina

Of course if your tension is very tight whilst knitting it, then problem solved Bark

Get busy!

Original poster
barkwithnobite · 21/09/2011 22:31

Lol @ quidsi.....
@seeker - we should go for d too posh to push option really!!

Nice to hear that no one has a tight one after children.... Apart from flatbelly

OP posts:
flatbellyfella · 21/09/2011 22:32

Raw Lambs Liver, as a substitute I saw on here a few weeks ago. Or maybe as a filler.

quidsi · 21/09/2011 22:32

Val that is mad I even used a glow in the dark yarn for the clitoris so she's always easy to find!
What the fucking fuck??

Original poster
barkwithnobite · 21/09/2011 22:33

Knitting a V! Haha

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 21/09/2011 22:33

oi, you speak for yourself

PeppermintPasty · 21/09/2011 22:34

Play doh is an option of course. Nice smell too.

Original poster
barkwithnobite · 21/09/2011 22:35

On a serious note, Pelvic floor exercises work a treat

OP posts:
lubeybooby · 21/09/2011 22:36

I can crack walnuts with mine. Well... I don't but I damned well could if I wanted to. And I had an 8lb 2 baby so there.

If i found it to be an issue though I would go for the knitting one option, so get yourself one knitted and ready just in case.

quidsi · 21/09/2011 22:37

Just don't forget to use the glow in the dark yarn!

Valpollicella · 21/09/2011 22:38

Well, quite Bark. You said that in your OP

Original poster
barkwithnobite · 21/09/2011 22:39

Knitting Confused

OP posts:
rusmum · 21/09/2011 22:40

lol i have no p floor left after 2 dc 1 a 9lb 2 bouncer x