The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Blowing Away The Booze In The Autumn Breeze.

[Mouseface]

Hello.

Welcome to The Brave Babes Battle Bus.

I'm mouse and I have an abusive relationship with alcohol. I can't have just the one drink, ever.

I'm not alone here, there are Babes who are sober and have been for some time, Babes who are still drinking and trying their best to stop or cut down and then there are Babes who aren't ready to stop drinking. Yet.

So, why not come and say hi?

No judgy pants allowed on here I'm afraid, cakes and cheeses are!

And for those who want to know a bit more about the Bus, HERE is our journey so far.

no cake here mouse. yuk to illing household poor you x

I meant mas cake if she dishes any out!

don't forget your bell if you're going outside.

Thankyou all for the warm welcome.

I agree so much withMYOD. Alcohol is alienating. I have been drinking during the day for probably around 3 months now and I find I'm actually finding reasons to be on my own so I can have a drink. I know it's abnormal.

I've only managed to stop while pregnant (but did so with total abstinance, so I do know that I can do it)

Today is the first day in ages that I haven't managed to sneak a glass somewhere... Even though I did take the kids out for pizza with a friend, I managed not to order 2 a large white wine.

I don't know whether I should get one of those 'third of a bottle' efforts tonight. I'm feeling a bit unsure about not drinking totally... Any advice?

I know this sounds really, really bad to say, which is why I namechanged to join you girls, as I need to be totally truthful, but my trigger time is actually breakfast time. If I can get up and out of the house without a drink, then the day will go much better. SAdly, in the last few months, I have often had a drink in the morning.

SAF, cheeky bugger! xx

Hi Nomorebeer and welcome, don't buy the small bottle of wine for tonight, you know it really be enough and my feeling is that it is pretty pointless to drink 'not enough'.

How about going purposefully and mindfully to the shop to buy some lovely soft drinks of your choice, buy or make some ice, slice up some lemon and lime, and drink LOADS of non alcoholic drink tonight whilst posting on here. You might need some chocolate or sweeties as well - I know I always do
Give it a go and then you will have acheived day one, and can start again tomorrow, along with all the rest of us babes, one day at a time.

OK, Done.

Bought 6 non alcoholic beers, lots of softies and some sweeties.

You are right. I need to know that I can manage 1 day. And if I can manage 1 day today, I can manage 1 day tomorrow.

Can I ask if any of you attend AA meetings / other support groups or would recommend any other method / support?

I can't begin to tell you how much I feel having come to this thread. Thankyou.

nomorebeer you aren't the only one who has got to the point of drinking in the morning. I didn't every day but by the end I did at the weekends or if DD or I were ill. I don't think the morning drink necessarily makes you an alcoholic but it is a demonstration that the unacceptable becomes acceptable. I thought I'd stopped if I ever drank more than a bottle of wine on one occasion, then it was if I missed work with a hangover, and then it was drinking in the morning, and....
I was always moving my goalposts. It was insane denial. I can also identify with 'sneaking' a drink while out - I've done that too.
I go to AA and it has made an incredible difference to my life. I never wanted to end up there but I am glad to have found it. There's no point in just having one for me - because it sets off a craving and I don't know where it will end. See how you go tonight - if you do decide you want to go to a meeting, let us know roughly where you are and someone from the thread might be local to go with you.

Afternoon all

Well Saf I was going to join you and MsGee in checking in every morning and evening but missed the bus this morning due to having a lovely lie in instead . Didn't drink on Saturday night for the first time in probably 3 months, so really pleased with that. It feels great to be in control.

Welcome to MYOD and NMB (not sure how you prefer to shorten your names). I think 12 noon is the earliest I've had a drink except for Christmas morning when it's been champagne with breakfast! I know that I have thought about drinking earlier, especially on holiday but I've managed to make myself wait. These days I am quite surprised sometimes when it gets to be late afternoon and I haven't even thought about a drink. Must be making some progress I hope.

When I do think about it I just bat that thought straight out of my head as quick as it came and go do something else. When it gets really irritating I tell it to fuck the fuck off, right JWN?

Right off to dye my hair. Laters x

HERE nomorebeer maybe have a peek and see what you think x

How do those of you who no longer drink manage socialising and dating? I know that question sounds ridiculous, after all the logical answer is that you socialise and date, but without the alcohol, but I can't enjoy social stuff without booze. I know from long periods of being sober that I don't find it much easier with time. I read all these testimonies from recovering alcoholics saying they enjoy parties so much more now they're sober but I just can't relate to that. And I can't imagine enjoying a date without the loosening effects of alcohol.

Oh what to do? Being sober sucks. Drinking also sucks. Why can't I just enjoy a normal drink like most other people?

Feeling very sorry for myself as you have probably gathered

And thank you everyone for being so kind and welcoming.

Hello newbies!

nomore I go to AA too. It's really not as scary as I bet you think it is, going to a meeting does not have any deep meaning other than you've gone to a meeting to see what it's like. They won't put you in shackles and drag you away or take your name and email address and spam you forevermore. You may get a few people asking for your number or giving your theirs but there is absolutely no obligation, you can always say that you will when you're ready then never go back if it's not for you! I was utterly terrified at my first meeting so I kept my head down, sat at the back and didn't utter a word. I did meet a few lovely people though who put me at my ease and made me feel very welcome. One of those people is my sponsor now

Feel free to ask anything you want with regards to AA, I'll be around now for an hour or so and then I'm off to a meeting. It is not all I do I do still have a life outside of AA and I'll pop back later to see if you have any questions hanging.

If you're interesting in trying out a meeting you could call the helpline and if you want they will arrange for someone to take you to a meeting, either picking you up from home or meeting you somewhere nearby to walk you in.

MYODD tbh I prefer socialising without a drink now, and I especially like the waking up the next morning remembering it all and not having that panic/sinking feeling that I've made a tit of myself yet again. I don't now socialise with people who drink a lot because people are pretty dull when they're hammered. They're hilarious to each other but if you're sober they're just repetitive and boring. Now I tend to socialise with people who aren't alcoholics, lol I've laughed a lot in my sober times too which I didn't expect.

I still see some of my alcoholic friends but I make sure it's during the day when they're not drinking and they know I've stopped so it isn't an issue. Things have changed but they really needed to change so I'm not sad about that.

i feel crappy.

can't decide if it's because of late period, if i'm getting ill or not drinking - though why it should be that i don't know really.

i'm craving crips and chocolate and may have to give in despite my weight loss intentions.

excuse my moan.

myodd maybe you could do with making some new friends or hobbies or both. or maybe you can think of friends that don't drink or drink much anyway and would be happy to do other things - cinema, day trips, whatever. may not be the case obviously but it can be telling when we only enjoy certain occasions and company if we can drink plenty.

MYODD : Being sober sucks. Drinking also sucks. Why can't I just enjoy a normal drink like most other people?
Yes, that was definitely me. Couldn't live with it and didn't know how to live without it. Sobriety, though, is amazing, and I think what you're describing as 'sober' is being dry - not drinking, but not changing anything else either, so you feel just as terrible but without a drink. And you might as well drink because life is crap whatever. I've felt like that too.
I don't know how exactly AA works on both parts of the problem - the drinking part, and the feeling lonely and despairing and terrified. I don't know why stopping doing what I'm doing on a daily basis takes me back towards the insanity. But I tried everything I could think of to fix me and nothing else has worked. And something I don't understand has removed the obsession with alcohol and the self-destructive thoughts, slowly, one day at a time, sometimes one hour at a time. The thinking is easy to lapse back into, and I've a long way to go still.
As for socialising/ dating - my life was so broken and messed up, and with a massive bereavement 4 months ago, there is no way that a relationship is at all wise for me at the moment (that's not to say I don't wish for someone to share things with, or to feel attractive, etc) so I can't help there. Socialising - alcohol was not that sociable for me anyway by the end, it was massively isolating. And when I stopped I realised I didn't really know who I was or what I wanted. But I have had the most fun in my sobriety - and it's not because I can remember it and am not ashamed of it (though that helps!), it's because something has changed inside of me - this serenity, this emotional sobriety - that allows me to have fun and enjoy other people in a way I couldn't because alcohol was blocking me.
I was frightened of giving in, of accepting that I could not do this, fix myself and run my life. But really there was nothing to be afraid of - because it had got so bad, and I was finally willing to get better.

sAf sorry - missed you - I was late this month, unusual for me (would've been the immaculate conception so not exactly worried) and massively under the influence of progesterone - tired, weepy, down, breast pain, dizzy, bloated, constipated, enough already? - I think once we stop poisoning ourselves (not sure you ever did to the sort of degrees I have but still, you are now mostly within normal limits whereas you say you weren't before) we can become really aware of the effects of normal bodily changes and needs. I think I've said, I've had to give up caffeine and found I am milk-soy protein intolerant and probably always have been! My hormonal cycles are very noticeable too.

I am wittering tonight far too much, possibly my evening issues, so off to watch the Grand Prix on iplayer and do a big heap of ironing.

MYOD - It's scary at first, I think. I actually started a thread (also this morning) wondering about how to tell my family! I think Scoundrel's point is so valid. I also (very much so) wish I could just drink like my DH, my friends etc., but I can't. I'm always (or usually) the one pissed, sobbing and arguing with DH or a friend . Tho, for me, I also feel angry with myself that I've chosen alcohol over my children, DH and friends so many times recently. I want to be the mum my kids deserve and I can't do that with alcohol in my life.

Fairenuff - NMB is good for me. Sums up what I'm hoping to achieve.

I love evenings when I haven't had a drink (hasn't happened for quite some time). I'm more relaxed, more patient with the kids, the house is clean and tidy, chores are done.

SAF - I always feel bad when I stop drinking, which is mainly why I crave another drink, I suppose. Hopefully you feel better soon

Thankyou to all who have posted advice and links to AA. I will seriously consider it. My 'real' problem with alcohol has only presented a problem in the last few months / weeks, but I think I have to admit that I would probably class as a 'functioning' alcoholic for several years before that and my relationship with alcohol has never been a normal / happy one.

Sorry, It's 'me me me' in my posts at the moment. Sorry, I feel a bit needy. Hopefully I can be of more help going forward, when I've got a few days and weeks under my belt.

NMB x

Hi Makeyour own and nomore welcome to the bus

JUst popping in as I'm making dinner.

Mouse what an awful time for you = as if you don't have enough to deal with, hope Nemo and DH ar OK and that you recover quick. Hospital sounds awful.

I'v not had much this weekend - less in years months.

Oh and guess who has a date next Saturday.........Me

I should probably be sensile and give it a long break but then thought why? DP/XP is a knob and I knew deep down that wouldn't change. It's definately over and he knows it. Yes I am quite tearful at times still but honestly don't feel I would be on the rebound. Very nervous btw

Nomore don't worry about thinking you come across as needy. This thread is here to give support, a sounding board and to offer support. Hope that makes sense [happy]

Don't worry about being a bit needy NMB It's all part of what this thread is for. I can get a bit 'me me' from time to time but I try to give back when I can too. I hope it balances out in the long run.

You know, I've met a few people in AA who had already been dry for a while before going to a meeting but they could not find any peace within themselves so although they were not drinking they were still suffering.

I was (am) a functioning alcoholic too. I have a decent job, a family, a house etc etc. I was functioning at a very basic level though, just on the surface. Not so much at a deeper level and as I get more in the AA ethos I'm finding that there's a solution to that Hah, can you tell I've just got home from a meeting?

hey all. am bloody knackered. Seem to have done nothing but post-party clean up all day. Oh yeah, and two loads of washing, pile of ironing, took DD to the station, took father shopping and threw together a lentil and sausage hotpot with mash. Just had a bath and a - tada - cup of tea, and could sleep for Britain!!
Got the sugar off the table with a hairdryer!!

Not surprised you are exhausted, ma! You've had a fairly crazy few days by the sounds of things. Early night? I hope you sleep really well.
Right, ironing, I'm going....

evening, quick check in to say that I am sat in my office (work at home so easy to escape here) with a non alcoholic beer and a book set up for later.

Just to add to conversations ... I don't go to AA, I find that here is the right kind of support for me (just a personal anti-social thing!).

I think I can 'function' ok when drinking. But I want so much more out of life than functioning. I want to wake in the morning and feel ok, to not be snappy at DD because of drink (happier if it is just because she is 3 and frustrating!), to wonder if I could be more productive if I wasn't drinking.

I don't want to watch the bottle all night wondering when I have the next drink, if it will be noticed that I drink a cheeky one in the kitchen when filling up my glass, if another bottle will be opened, etc etc. Its so draining.

I know my life would be fine if I could have just one glass and take it or leave it. But I can't, so today I will not be drinking.

today my office has been tidied and polished. new start with a more effective and organised MsGee tmrw... x

Thank you so much for all the supportive messages - I really appreciate them.

notevenamousie your post really rang some bells with me. My problem is that sometimes I can just have a few drinks and be ok. Although I'm never relaxed about it because I can't predict when it will be like that and when I will just carry on and on until I'm incapable.

But the fact that I don't drink myself insensible every single time I pick up means it's easy for me to tell myself a load of lies about how I can control it, and how it will be different this time, blah blah blah. Eventually I always end up in the same place though - embarrassed, ashamed, worried what my friends think of me, and it's awful. When I'm pissed I just completely forget about basic stuff like boundaries, and my moral code. Any rational thinking just goes out the window.

I would like to go to AA I think, but I live very rurally, and when I've had support for my alcohol use from Prism before, my support worker there said he wouldn't recommend AA because it was all a load of men in their 50's and he felt I wouldn't be able to relate much to them.

I would like to go to a womens group really.

Oh dear, it so isn't a bunch of old men in AA, lol! Obviously there are some old blokes there some of whom will have been sober for 20/30/40 years, some of whom are there for exactly the same reason as you if you go

The AA website has a meeting finder stick your postcode into it and it'll tell you where your nearest meetings are. There may well be a women's group near you. There's one near me and it has a lovely vibe, very nurturing. There are also young people's groups and in Bristol there is even a gay/bi/transgender group. I've never been to it but I daresay it's quite colourful and highly unlikely to be full of old men