General internet dating support and chit chat thread

[lubeybooby]

Relationships seems the most appropriate place for this I think? Happy to ask for it to be moved if it's maybe better in _chat or something.

Anyway!

Chit chat your dating/internet dating claptrap here!

Also your hints and tips please for dating in the shark pit on the internet

I'll start.

I'm 31, single and rather fed up of it now. Have a few internet dating profiles, am trying to improve my social life and get out more, even looking out for possible additional temp jobs just to be.... 'out there' a bit more.

Even had a go at cosmic ordering which has been cropping up in dating related threads recently. Now I'm a very scientific and cynical kind of person but when it comes to my (currently appalling) love life I will try anything to give it a bit of a boost. Whether that be focusing the mind on the task in hand or strange unknown forces I care not.

MindyMacready I think you meant that post for this thread?

Really enjoying reading this thread. I've done plenty of internet dating in the past few years and recognise the style of some of those dodgy emails and profiles.

I tried match, dating direct, POF and OKcupid. I probably had around 70 dates, a few short term relationships and a quite a few shags.

I met DP on POF a year ago, we've just moved in together and everything is going well.

Just want to wish you all good luck, it can work out but in my experience you have to weed out a lot of duds before finding the good ones.

stay thats great news :)

watch not so good BUT at least you had a great night out of it. I don't even make it to a first date any more!

Had a quite witty one-line email from a very ripped, muscly and semi clad 25 year old which made me smile even though I have no intention of replying.

Off out now for some retail therapy. It's either that or I sit at home alone like Miss Havisham :)

well i had date number 2 with Mr Engineer last night. It went very well, I really like him :) Unfortunately won't be able to see him for about 3 weeks now due to work and child committments and then I'm going into hospital for an Op but watch this space :)

Sorry shiney, that was supposed to be a pep talk, not make you feel worse!

Oooh good news charlottes... not so great having to wait a while now but it isn't long in the grand scheme of things.

Hello AKissIsNotAContract another dating story with a good ending, yay! at 70 dates though. Hang on let me tot up how many I've been on so far...

It's about 45 that I've dated give or take a few in the last four years, memory a bit hazy.... including 2 or 3 short relationships and one just over a year long one. So I've broken the back of 70 at least anyway :o

I was in London at the time too where there was a very big pool of men to choose from. I'd often have 2-3 dates a week. Interestingly it wasn't until I moved to West Sussex where there were far fewer to choose from that I met DP.

Not very scientific conclusion - maybe too much choice isn't always a good thing.

christ on a bike, 70 men! I've dated 4 in the last 2.5 years (and none for 18 months). At this rate I'll be a pensioner before I find my ideal man....:(

AKINAC I'm giggling at the idea of a very big pool of men.... presumably all in briefs... and us ladies selecting the one of our choice while watching from the poolside. Sounds fab if crazily sexist!

Hmmm Shiney... He did seem very keen at one point didn't he... making that date because he wanted to see you asap and then having to rearrange due to work stuff. So it does seem very odd that he now hasn't mentioned a further date despite being back since Thursday.

I don't know, it's a bit of a braintwister really due to a few mixed signals, which seem to me like you could get to the bottom of one way or another with a few more dates, but if he is going to start dragging his heels with actually making dates it's going to take a while to get anywhere/get to know him/find out what's what.... just thinking aloud.....

shiney- no, i dont think he is. Sorry. Dont sell yourself short. Dump him and move on.

One day for moping allowed. Thats good then. To be honest, i suspected before i even went on the date, and then within a few seconds you could tell which way the evening was going to go. Then after the third time shagging, he said someone about having a short attention span and dumping a girl a few weeks ago becuase she only wanted to watch tv. We did it a forth time and then he said something about girls thinking they were seeing him, when they werent, and he thought he would always be single.. So, its not exacally a surprise.
Plus - you dont fuck that good unless you are very very very well practised. Damn man knew how good he was a well.

So - expected disapointment.

My friend said i have appaling taste in men, i declared i have explemory taste.... and then realised i am still single. So, in the interests of seeing if she is right, i have a date on tuesday, with that one whos been chasing me for about two years. ( i am NOT) cooking for him. Hes coming here ( its ok, hes a policeman, and ive known him ages) and hes brining food, dvd and wine. Hes all muscley and shaved head. Lots of people would think he was fit. I like scruffy men, with long hair, facial hair and big egos. ( sponge, you know me, im on your facebook.....!!!) he has none of these. We shall see.

The wildernes guy has contacted me daily to see if i want to go out... but thats a step too far in the experiment i think.

Definately mixed signal Shiney. On the one hand he doesn't seem that bothered but then again on the other he seems keen by offering to cook dinner etc. Maybe his idea of a relationship it to just meet/ contact you infrequently.

Off out but will catch up more in a bit

shiney I recognise the uncertainty and the struggle to communicate from my time with Red Flag Man. In the end I realised that it doesn't matter what the reasons are, if he is emotionally unavailable he will do this to you. Hot then cold, chatty then distant. He may be married or busy or just not into you, but what matters is whether you can manage the on/off nature of the relationship.

There were twenty other reasons to ditch RFM but this alone would be enough if he does your head in.

After 2 weeks texting and chatting to the Very Nice Man who is truly chaotic with two phones and accidentally blocked me and my phone seized up, I still trust him more and feel more at ease with him than four months in with RFM.

It shouldn't be hard work and painful, and you should be able to ring him up and ask what is going on. RFM wouldn't even take my calls. In his case I think he liked to control how often we spoke and keep me guessing.

Don't be downhearted, it is his loss missing out on fabulous shineon

Hmm... yes I think I agree with littlehouse... thinking about it the times I've got into relationships it's been pretty easy, no second guessing, no heel dragging... not jumping in too soon either, but I certainly wasn't questioning what was going on at any point or waiting days for texts etc... and I felt comfortable enough reasonably early on to have a phone call and vice versa.

shiney - ditch him. In these early days its not meant to be like it is with you and him. He should WANT to see you, want to text you, not just every now and again. He is not that into you and I suspect it may be because he is a bit of a player.

Watch - i know that feeling the next day after amazing sex, its not nice but..onwards and upwards!

im really not that hurt. Like i said. I was expecting it.
Plus, i had already figured out on the night ( before i shagged him) that i didnt want a relationship with him. I might have fancied the pants off him, but long term ( house was a tip, like, student, actually, WORSE than a student) and crap job, not so mainstream lifestyle. ego way too big, taked in a russell howard voice alot of the time, which he thought was funny. it was not)
Just, the sex was awesome.
And i had forgotten sex was like that. The last few years have been full of crap sex when i might as well not been there most of the time.

My vote is with stay... He should WANT to see you, want to text you, not just every now and again. It's one thing to be a bit laid back about it, but it's another thing entirely to not give a shit. At least you got the awesome sex... no harm... no foul.

Can I just add as a bloke it is very educational to be a fly on the wall in this thread. Kind of a "what women want" revelation! :)

I haven't had sex with anyone on the first night, not when I've met them on the internet anyway . Did once on the second and he dumped me afterwards . Obviously liked him or I wouldn't have done it. Oh well onwards and upwards Watch. btw am I on your FB? Happy to prompt you on PM if you are unsure.

Shiny, maybe he wants to date you but doesn't want a relationship. If anyone is on POF there is an option which states what you are looking or. Worth taking note of anyone who says 'wants to date but nothing serious', they usually hit and run. I wouldn't reply to anyone who 'doesn't want any commitment of any kind'. Makes note to change mine from the former to 'wants a long term relationship'.

Stay, sounding great there, very pleased for you.

I went out last night, only just recovered. Ended up in the local nightclub. Argggh, thought those days were behind me. Got propositioned by a nice guy around my age, who took my number but I said I wouldn't be taking his calls unless he can prove he is single . Then again by the son of one of my friends . Needless to say I arrived home alone.