Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Badnight thread 2

34 replies

badnightlastnight · 15/09/2011 14:07

Also. Am going to definitely do my uni course. am starting teacher training Monday. I feel quite empowered today. It was good to feel like I did something about it. Whether it goes to court or not doesn't matter.

The policewoman is lovely. I have someone from a rape charity coming to see me for a chat tomorrow to see how I am too.

Days are ok, I have to function for my DD. Nights on my own are the worst. I hope to make progress and keep busy. But as I said before. Its a huge cycle of emotions.

Thank you x

OP posts:
ItsMeAndMyPuppyNow · 15/09/2011 14:11

Bravo.

It's good to hear you sound so strong at the moment.

ImperialBlether · 15/09/2011 20:29

I'm so glad you're going to start your course soon. You've been incredible about all this. Whether or not it goes to court, you've not taken the crap you were dealt - you should feel good about yourself for that.

heleninahandcart · 15/09/2011 20:52

Good to see you have another thread, it will be good to keep talking. Just wanted to let you know again that we are all here for you.

Original poster
badnightlastnight · 15/09/2011 21:09

Thank you.

I have generally been ok today. Although I keep thinking I see him (he lives in a different city) and that makes me feel shivery and sick. Also he text me a few times which really freaks me out everytime. I've been ignoring it and forwarding them to my police inspector. Also kept seeing the advert for "young soldiers" on BBC3 which makes me feel ill and weird everytime.

I know these feelings will get less and less. At the moment I get freaked out by lots of things though.

The policewoman was lovely. Really great. See what happens with that side of things now. The lady from the rape crisis place has cancelled and moved to Wednesday though which I'm a bit put out about. It happened almost a week ago and no one's come to talk to me. Perhaps I should be kicking up a fuss but I'm too busy surviving to do that.

OP posts:
Proudnscary · 15/09/2011 21:13

Thinking of you. You are being so strong even if you don't feel like it inside

Original poster
badnightlastnight · 16/09/2011 14:36

I seem to alternate my good days & bad days. Today isn't a great day.

I beat myself up for a lot of my feelings. No one in RL is talking about it at all. My best friend who got married hasn't spoken to me for days (we usually talk more than once a day). I even have put off posting on here & feel bad doing so. Like you guys don't want to be bothered by me.

I think people think I'm making a fuss. Ugh.

OP posts:
lisaneedsarest · 16/09/2011 14:43

Sorry, I've read your posts but not posted myself yet, you sound like you are doing really well - keep going. Your best friend may not be calling you as much as she may not know what to say, may think you need time alone or not want to talk about it. Why don't you call her? Maybe she feels guilty as it was her wedding? Don't worry about making a fuss, if some people on here think that then that's there problem but you've had loads of posts which suggests many people care.

ItsMeAndMyPuppyNow · 16/09/2011 14:44

Your RL friends probably just don't know how to handle it.

There are a thousand sympathetic ears and people offering support and admiration here. All of which you amply deserve!

Can you ask your RL friends for the kind of sympathy you need -- explain what it is you want from them? "Look, X, I'm having a hard time dealing with my emotions and the storm in my head right now. Would you be able to just listen to me for a while, please? I need a friend right now and I need to be heard."

They might be grateful to know how they can help. It's hard for people to know how best to deal with others' emotional trauma.

Original poster
badnightlastnight · 16/09/2011 15:03

Thanks Lisa.

Yup INMP I think I probably need to. The bride didn't want me to report it tbh, she said because it would be too much emotional stress. But I'm not sure if its because it was one of her husbands friends. But yup. Whatever the reason she's not spoken to me since I've told her I was going to report it. I'm not going to put any pressure on her, if it's made her feel uncomfortable I can't help that.

You're right. I should ask for more help. I struggle with that though. But I know I should!

OP posts:
Anniegetyourgun · 16/09/2011 15:12

Don't worry about posting "too much" here; if people don't like it they don't have to read it. You are absolutely not imposing, there's plenty of space. People who do care will be glad to help. There's a surprising lot of practical expertise and experience on tap as well as sympathy, as I'm sure you've noticed.

I do hope your friend meant it would be too much emotional stress for you... anyway that's your judgement call to make.

HereIGo · 16/09/2011 16:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Pakdooik · 16/09/2011 16:25

Keep on being strong. You are in our thoughts and prayers

buzzskillington · 16/09/2011 16:33

I'm so sorry you're not getting much support in RL.

I think people are very afraid of talking about rape: it's a big taboo and they've no idea how to react/what to say.

Original poster
badnightlastnight · 16/09/2011 16:53

Ok. Sorry. It's like I'm making this up.

Arrived home to a letter from my DD's dad. He's taking me to court. He sees her at a contact centre that shut last week. We knew it was closing from May. His solicitors have not sorted a new one out. So he's saying I'm being unreasonable and is taking me to court. It's in under a month the first hearing.

My life is a joke. It can get no worse. Oh. The day of the hearing is my first day in a placement school for my PGCE.

Fuck. Sake.

OP posts:
buzzskillington · 16/09/2011 18:00

Oh no.

ItsMeAndMyPuppyNow · 16/09/2011 23:17

I'm so sorry.

BUT this too is a surmountable problem. And you have proved yourself equal to any challenge.

Do you have a solicitor? Use him/her as a barrier between yourself and this crap from your ex. Instruct the solicitor on the facts and the position to defend, and then leave her to it: it's her job.

Much like you did in the aftermath of the rape: make your decision, call on help from the relevant parties, and then focus on healing yourself.

HerHissyness · 16/09/2011 23:24

Write back to the solicitor yourself and state that it is up to them to find a new contact centre as you have stated on many occasions.

Demand that they withdraw the unnecessary court order and inform you asap as to the location/address of the contact centre.

Don't sweat it.

izzywhizzyletsgetbusy · 17/09/2011 06:29

Ask your solicitor (if you have one) to apply for the date of the Hearing to be deferred until a later date or apply yourself - contact the Court and ask their advice as to the best way to proceed.

Original poster
badnightlastnight · 17/09/2011 07:31

Thank you. I do have a solicitor. The first thing I'll get her to try is to write to him and ask for him to withdraw the court proceedings as in actual fact I'm not preventing him from seeing his DD. All I want is for him to sort out the contact centre and he's had since May to do so.

Slept a lot last night. You're right. I will handle this. I just wish I had only one problem to deal with. Ugh.

OP posts:
Original poster
badnightlastnight · 17/09/2011 08:38

I'm actually not sure how I will handle this. I don't know how I feel. I don't feel right. I have never felt this stressed in my life. I can't even talk. I know no one has any answers, it's not like my week is a common problem to solve.

OP posts:
ItsMeAndMyPuppyNow · 17/09/2011 08:50

You will handle this.

And you already have the practical solutions in hand: the police is now handling the rape case, and you know what to tell your solicitor.

It's the weekend: is there anything nice you can do for yourself today? And are there any girlfriends you can call or have a face-to-face chat with?

Also, would you like to speak to your GP about medical and counseling means to help you cope with the stress you are under?

ImperialBlether · 17/09/2011 11:35

I was going to suggest a visit to your GP, too. You're going through an awful lot of terrible things at the moment and it might be too hard to do that without help.

FWIW I think I wouldn't go to your friend (the bride) for help on this. She will be filled with such mixed feelings and it will be hard for her to help you. Do you have any other friends or members of your family who could be there for you?

Original poster
badnightlastnight · 17/09/2011 11:45

I'm seeing my GP Wednesday. Thanks very much for replying. My mum & dad know, and a couple of good friends. No one has spoken to me today, checked I'm alright or anything. I guess I'll have to contact them.

Have been for a walk with my DD and bought some food as we have nothing at home. Am going to try and make myself go out somewhere after lunch too.

You're right about the bride. I'm not going to go for her for help. I understand she has mixed emotions, I seem to have annoyed her. But there you go. I have to do what's best for me and my DD.

OP posts:
happyscouse · 17/09/2011 16:24

Can I ask, has the rapist been arrested yet? and if not why not?

Original poster
badnightlastnight · 17/09/2011 17:29

I don't know. He's from a different city so I'm not sure what happens. Do inspectors work on weekends? She said she'd let me know what was happening, I will speak to her Monday I guess.

OP posts: