Got a bit physical but only because he cares (!?)

[FlightofHeron]

Dp is ALWAYS going on about my weight saying I dont eat enough and am too thin. I know this isnt true so ignore him. Last night we were in bed messing around, he was on top of me and all of a sudden turned all serious and asked what I'd eating during the day. I laughed and reeled off my full days menu (including meals, biscuits, cakes etc!) and he said "don't lie. You're getting even thinner, you can see all your bones in your chest, it's gross".

I pointed out to him that it's normal to be able to see chest bones and he was being silly. He argued with me saying I was obviously too thin and he wasn't going to put up with it I tried to push him off me as he was starting to piss me off and he pinned me down and shouted at me that he wasn't going to stand by and watch me starve and if he had to he'd "ram food down my fucking throat." He then got off me but he hurt me arms and shoulders in the process. I'm so angry at him because he's talking absolute shit and it's really starting to get tiresome.

How the hell do I make him realise that I'm an adult and don't need him parenting me??

[steamedtreaclesponge]

The weight is a side issue. The real problem here is your OP. It sounds like he doesn't even see you as a person, let alone an adult. If he was really concerned he would ask you to go to the GP, not physically abuse you and shout at you.

It's not 'concern'. It's horrible, bullying abusive behaviour.

[FlightofHeron]

I'm not going to the doctors because I know I'm not underweight.

I'm 5ft 10in. Currently weigh 10st. This time last year I weighed 11st 10lbs but that's because we were living on take-aways and alcohol every night. We've stopped that now.

Before we started on the take-away/alcohol binge I weighed about 10st then too.

I used to be a dress size 12 but now my size 12 jeans keep falling down. I think this is what is making him suspicious but I believe clothes sizes are just getting bigger. I've gone into a size 10 which IMO is still a normal size.

[GloriaVanderbilt]

It doesn't matter whether the OP has an eating disorder or not.

his behaviour was violent and threatening.

There's no excuse.

[QueenOfAllBiscuitsandMuffins]

2 issues here
A) weight
B) the fact he pinned you down and shouted at you.

The first does not excuse the second. U should both go to the gp, you to check your weight (and tbh 20 is fine and not too skinny) and him to see if he can get anger management classes.

[ShoutyHamster]

The OP's weight isn't the point here.

Bottom line is, even if she did have an eating disorder or was underweight, this approach isn't exactly the way to help that!

I would stick my neck out and say anyway that if I knew someone with an eating disorder who also happened to have a controlling partner, I'd say that getting rid of them was one of the first steps towards sorting it out.

OP says she is a normal weight and dress size, 'not a size 6 or anything', normal if low BMI. That's good enough for me just now, if OP wanted to discuss that aspect any more then fine - but it's not the question she's asking. Some people are naturally really thin. But anyway that's really not the point - having an abusive partner is!

[GloriaVanderbilt]

I think if your BMI is 20 and you're in a size 10 that's not danger territory.

(speaking as someone who nearly died from anorexia)

there is no excuse for his behaviour.

Have you spoken to him since?

[ShoutyHamster]

OP, do you see yourself just staying with him after this, and there being no 'comeback' from you?

[stayforthekids1]

Oh I know this one OP. I have always been slim. I am currently 8 stone at 5 foot 6. You can see my chest bones too and there is nowt wrong with me! Some people are just slim, regardless of what they eat. I had all sorts over the years, letters home from school, was called skelator, boyfriends concerns, family concerns and so on. Annoyed the hell out of me.

If they are concerned just go to the docs and put their minds at rest. Your family that is. Also tell them that when people constantly harass you about your weight, be it over or under, that it can actually lead to eating disorders because of it!

As for your DH. No matter the concern. He was abusive and rough. Ask yourself, if you were concerned about someone, is that how you would treat them? He was bang out of order. I am not going to say leave, but something needs to be done. Address the weight thing with the doctors and make it clear to him that he doesnt treat you like that ever again. If he does...then you go. No going back on your word.

[pozzled]

Definitely two separate issues here.

Your DP was violent and threatening towards you- completely unacceptable in any circumstances. This needs to be made crystal clear to him and you need to decide what happens next, and what you will do if it happens again.

Your weight- if several people who care about you are concerned, are you sure that their concern isn't justified? When was the last time you weighed yourself?

[CaptainNancy]

You sound like a healthy weight, but I would keep an eye out that it doesn't creep much lower.

His behaviour doesn't sound reasonable to me, but it may have been a bad reaction because he's scared of you becoming ill. Have you a history of ED? Are you being completely honest with yourself about your eating?

He needs to apologise, and you need to talk about this issue- it is not healthy for him to be ALWAYS going on about this issue, he needs to trust you to know you're keeping yourself healthy.

[QueenOfAllBiscuitsandMuffins]

I am your height as well OP and at 10stone would be slim but not skinny. Is your partner and/or family fat?

[pozzled]

x-posted with your latest, OP. Ignore my comment about your weight, sounds as if you are fine.

[RebelFromTheWaistDown]

Your BMI is 20- You are not too thin. Those well-meaning folk who tell you that you are underweight should mind their own business. How rude! I bet no-one would bat an eyelid if you were unhealthily overweight!
Your DP is an abusive dick.

[FlightofHeron]

My family are all overweight, yes.

DP is heavier than he would like to be but not fat as such

[ChickensHaveNoEyebrows]

You are not underweight. I'm 5'9" and weigh 10st. I'm in a size 10, and I'm actually the heaviest I've ever been (apart from pregnancy). I think I'd be reassessing a relationship where a man felt that the best way to show concern was to physically intimidate me. Up until you gave your weight, I did wonder if there were deeper issues here, but now....no. He's way out of line, and you should be hearing a warning buzzer.

[onehellofaride]

If you are happy then I would tell him to fuck off if he doesn't like it

[Hullygully]

Yep, if that's your weight then it's just plain weird. Unless he's a feeder?

[dickiedavisthunderthighs]

Sorry OP, I was thinking that perhaps there was an eating disorder behind this. If you are the height and weight you've said then you are perfectly normal.

Does he show any other controlling behaviour?

[cecilyparsley]

It's perfectly healthy to be able to see your ribs, and thats not the behaviour of someone who care about your well being!
I'd poison him!
Only joking.
Sounds like he's a bully and wants to control you.
Is he fat? thin?

[QueenOfAllBiscuitsandMuffins]

Ah if your family are all overweight then their comments make sense in that context as their perception is probably skewed.

It's not your weight that's the problem its the fact your dh is displaying abusive tendencies and u need to work out how much u r willing to put up with.

[MilkandWine]

Just wondering if your DP is the jealous type OP? If he is then possibly he feels threatened by the fact you have lost weight, especially if he is a bit on the larger side himself?

Either way, his behaviour is totally unacceptable and out of line. Even if you did have an ED, grabbing you and telling you he is going to shove 'food down your fucking throat' is hardly the way in which a sane person would approach things! Well unless you were at deaths door and they were beside themselves with worry maybe.

It sounds as if your DP and family, all being on the larger side, are uncomfortable with the fact you are not. For some reason you do seem to get people who think that you are too thin if you haven't got a bit of 'meat on your bones'. My ex DPs mother was constantly trying to feed me up for the very same reasons, it is infuriating.

Have you spoken to DP since?

[Titbits]

Difficult to assess the whole story but my instinct is that he is so worried about you that he is insanely angry...anyway hope that's the case. Visit a GP with him is defo the best advice...
Why do you think you're so thin if you eat cakes etc..possible you have an underlying health issue...defo off to the GP for both of you xx
Take care

[ItsNotUnusual]

I'd comment on your weight but apparently I need to rough you up a bit to prove it's because I care.....

Apparently

[HerHissyness]

Flight, you know this isn't right, don't you?

Even if you WERE a zize 00, that man has no right to physically restrain you, and threaten you.

This is not right from your family either.

1 - you need to give 'D'P a fucking warning that if he ever manhandles you again he will leave there and then. If he refuses to, you will call the police and HAVE him removed. Don't ever compromise on this either! I don't like the sound of him at all!

1. Why not go to the Drs for a check up, tell them of your family concerns,and that you seem to be losing weight without trying. maybe do a really honest food diary the week before you go. Are you peeing a lot more than you usually did?
   

presuming you get a full bill of health, tell your family to back off, as there IS nothing wrong with you and your weight is none of their business, just as theirs is none of yours.

[PamBeesly]

I don't think your weight has anything to do with it OP and you are in the healthy range anyway. What he did was vile, I would have been scared and very hurt. I wouldn't be giving him another chance to do it again. Hope you are ok