Need some advice - Husband wants to leave me and I am devasted

[ToddlersRFab]

He told me on Thursday he no longer loved me and wants to leave. We have DS aged 3. He doesn't love me the way he did when we met and we are now just friends.

He loves DS dearly and no problem in that respect.

But I am devastated. I know that we have been going through a bad patch but I love him dearly and want to work through it some how. He is adamant that he wants to leave by the end of the month.

He is acting very calmly and level headed, and I am in pieces - crying constantly. He asked if we were having a family dinner tonight when he gets back. I said yes as I don't want to confuse DS.

I feel as though I have no close friends to confide to and I dont want to speak to my family as I think I will just breakdown (and if I ignore it it might go away).

What would you do?

I am so sorry Toddlers, what a shock. As frigg says he is a bastard of the first order. He didn't tell you any of this but left you tormenting yourself .

I am very impressed you have CCTV- keep those tapes safe.

So sorry to hear you are going through this Toddlers. Am going through something similar, our DS is little too, and my H started withdrawing and then calmly stated he was leaving us, on the pretext of finding work far away. He had previously said he would try to patch things up, tried for one day and went back to withdrawing and being self centred again. DS started school this week and misses his father a lot, although my mum travelled from a long way away to visit (my H also moved us away from my local support networks) and to see him off to school, which really helped us both. I am at the anger stage now - although I sometimes wonder how the wonderful person I married could have morphed into a self-absorbed, controlling, cold individual I don't recognise. Stay calm and cherish each moment you spend with your DS, be strong for him. I too thought I would ignore it for a bit but eventually I needed to get things settled so that DS and I were not in limbo for ages. The sorting out process takes ages though, and I am only just getting started.

God what an absolute utter shit.

Has he moved out Toddlers? If not can you get him to pack his bags and sod off?

You must be utterly livid, you poor thing.

Stay strong though, and get to a solicitor etc sharpish.

What an a**ehole. Good luck with divorcing him on the grounds of adultery now.

How awful. In your own house too. What a shit.
You will be so much better off without him.

Thank goodness you now know. I'm hoping that his actions will help you now to get angry and determined to move on in life without him.

This is why posters quite rightly suggested there was an OW (because there always is) - and thank goodness, persevered when others were suggesting this was "cruel"

The cruel person was the one who gave you a load of bullshit about how his feelings had inexplicably changed - but now you know that this had nothing to do with you at all. Nothing you could have done would have stopped this happening.

Bastard.

So sorry, you must feel so shocked and devastated. Please do tell RL friends and family as you will need their support. The ladies on here will help as well.

Oh and another thing OP....

That "bad patch" you mentioned upthread, where you were blaming yourself for "driving him away" from you, look at that differently too. I think you'll find that things only got that bad after his relationship with this woman started. That he engineered all the problems in your marriage. Once you get over the shock, you'll hopefully see the last few months very differently, to when you started this thread.

What a fucking arse.

What a dick .

Reading your latest update made me feel truly sick for you. How could he, how dare he?
You poor thing, I hope you have some RL support, you will need it.
What a cock sucker.

Just saw your update about the OW, Toddler- for some reason it didn't show up as I was posting. How tacky they both were! Well, at least now you know. Get a good solicitor(make sure not too expensive) and go to CAB or read up about your rights and what your child is entitled to. Think very carefully about what sort of contact you want him to have with your DS.....especially school nights, when your DS reaches school age. Make sure he is ordered to pay his share of maintenance. Be very careful discussing his behaviour with your inlaws - who may end up taking his side against you (this happened to a friend of mine - previously they were always friendly and cordial, thereafter their catchphrase was, "well, that's just YOUR side of the story"). Stay strong.

Hi Toddler have you confronted him now?
I went through this with my first marriage but didn't find out until 6 months after we split that he had been having an affair all whilst I was pregnant with our second child. So for at least over a year.
I had all the moody behaviour and constant criticism which throughly undermined me. I seem to remember the word 'space ' bandied around at the time too. After an aggressive outburst from him I moved out but he keep turning up at my new address asking to reconcile. I had moved on but when I found out about the affair I was furious. However it did prove helpful in accounting for the change in the man and to recognise that none of this was my doing. The utter spinelessness still gets my blood up today. Own what you have chosen to do rather than deflecting. Your husband is a disrespectful coward. I am sorry that you are going through this.