So my DP has just been arrested....

[foreveryours]

For assaulting me..... What do I do now?

This all sounds most odd. Recent changes to the law mean that a DV victim does not have to press charges (because sadly so often they do not): charges can be brought regardless of what the victim wants.

In my (very relevant) experience, a PC would be more likely to be charged by colleagues than not charged: the consequences of anyone finding out - ooo, say, because it's all been posted on MN within hours - that police officers are treating their 'own kind' differently from anyone else over an emotive issue like DV are fairly terrible...

Well. I hope you get what you need OP.

It's true I don't want to believe it will all go tits up, I truly believe it won't but only time will tell I guess. This relationship is nothing like my previous one, I'm actually very happy with my DP it's just the incident with this woman that messed things up, if he never did it we would never have argued. He knows this..

but he did do it. He asked a woman to send him topless photos. This will not go away. Can you honestly bury it? And how long ago was the incident with the texts?

so you're asking because...?

you want mumsnetters to persuade you to change your mind re the decision you already made several hours ago to stay and try to make it work? I know that a lot of people in DV situations stay to make things work and it takes several attempts for them to leave but you seem to be saying that you have made up your mind to stay, it's what you both want and you aren't going to follow any advice even though you are actively seeking it out?

again, he sounds like a massive twat. Can you ever trust him again?

You want to believe he is the man for you but there has already been one incident of flirting with someone else, and one incident where you were assaulted.

I would say the two incidents are related and that he is harbouring resentment of your uppityness in confronting him over the texting, and that it boiled over in drunken anger when you again stood up for yourself in the bedroom. I would say this man has an agenda here and it is to do exactly what he wants in this relationship -- flirt with other women, assert what he thinks is his right to treat you however he wants, and bully you into accepting partial blame for his own loss of self control. He will get away with that by silencing you either by intimidation or by telling you he wants it all to blow over.

I know but, it's just messages nothing happened between them and never would she doesn't even live in this country. It happened about 3 weeks ago, I did tell him I needed space but he was so apologetic and really upset at the thought of losing me that I gave him the chance to make amends and he did. The other night was the first night we'd been out together for over a month. So in my alcohol induced emotional state I brought it up...I do thunk about it and it does still annoy me but I'll forget about it eventually

Did you drive after you had been drinking a fair bit?

He was REALLY UPSET over the thought of losing you, but 3 weeks later he is assaulting you. Apologies if this is a X post, but I don't think anyone has actually asked how long you have been with him.

No no no! taxi back....

We've been together nearly 11months

The story is altering from post to post.

If a man was really worried about losing someone he would not be flirting with someone else and he would show his love by not knocking her to the ground next time the issue came up.

Forget what he says for a minute and look at what he does.

His behavior was wrong, but do you think you would have phoned the police if you had been stone cold sober?

your OP was at almost 4 in the morning. At 9am you posted on here saying "...I told his family....". Why did you tell them? What did you tell them? Why didn't you let him tell them?

I really cannot believe the suggestion here that if a woman in a dv situation was sober she would have enough sense of perspective to realise she shouldn't phone the police.

Carpwidow, she first posted on Saturday at 4 am and next on Sunday at 9 am so almost 24 hours later.

(My own experience of allowing my exH to tell his family about his treatment of me was that they remained ignorant of his treatment of me until years later when I told themas it was plain to me at that time that he had told them a crock of lies about the breakdown of our marriage)

I don't think that has been suggested. I think a question has just been posed to the OP.

What is it about you that deserves such a twat for a boyfriend exactly? Why do you get to be with someone who texts (even the fact it's a text makes him a pathetic dick hankering after being a teen again) asking to see a girl topless? Is he fifteen? Are you such a piss poor catch that you'll settle for this prick?

Sorry but seriously OP you now have an opportunity to get rid of this loser once and for all, otherwise he crosses another boundary and you forgive him, lose a little bit of self esteem and dignity until you have none left and then he can (should he so desire) do what the fuck he wants.

Really look at yourself in the mirror and tell yourself you deserve better than this.

My dd used to hit her older brother. If he hit her back, I'd tell him off for retaliating, and tell her off for her violence, and tell her that if she hit out, she could expect to get hit back.

These mistakes are enormous for 11 months!!! 11 months is nothing, 11 months is not worth risking your happiness, well being and safety, 11 months is not worth risking the emotional or physical abuse of your child, either as a witness or directly involved. You must walk away now, if he's like this at 11 months God knows what a couple of years will do.

Will you be saying that to your dd's husband hully? If he's 6ft and she's a teeny 5ft and about 7st? Nice. I hope you tel your son the same, you know to hit his wife back.....into the wall and then to the floor if she ever asks him to sleep elsewhere.

You're mad.. Its only been 11 months and already this has happened. He hasn't even apologised and you've just accepted that. Also he got angry because you questioned him. He decided that the conversation was over yet you brought it up again so he got very angry. Huge red flag.
I'm in no position to talk as you would not believe the crap that I just put up with from my ex, but everyone is right, he WILL get worse.

Oh ok then so you've got this sorted - he won't cheat on you and he won't resort to violence in an argument again. Fine.

Of course a lot of partners say that.......

I am going to step away from this thread,

perhaps it was a drunken couple being stupid, she grabbed him and pulled him he shoved her and she fell on her arse.

Or he is just starting to show his true colours and will become worse. Either way it doesn't sound like a nice relationship to be in.

And why is i OK to push, shove and grab a man but not expect them to push back, it goes both ways.

Ok I will step away after putting in my tuppence worth, time for a