The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Sweeping Into Autumn With A One Way Ticket To Sobriety.

[Mouseface]

Phew, just in time!

I'm mouse and I love a few to drink. I love all things cheese and I love MrMouse

Welcome to the Bus. We are a collection of drinkers, non-drinkers, and those who are somewhere in between but we all have the same thing in common, we can't just have 1 drink and then stop.

Come say hi, we don't bite .

Here are the other threads to date, if you have a spare hour or seven to kill.

OUR HISTORY

I would say yes to no. 1 and not sure to 2 & 3 Isindie. A week ago I would have said yes to all 3 but I just don't think he respects me and what I do. He constantly 'jokingly' asks me what I do all day seen as I don't work as hard as him and only work part time and I just wish he would respect the hact that I am a single Mum who works over 30 hours a week, 2 DC's and has a hyper dog who also needs looking after. He knows how to push my buttons and will do so when he is tired. Wish I could walk away but I really love him and I know he loves me but often has a strange way of showing it

Convinced myself in the night that it wouldn't work then woke up this morning blaming myself for getting upset at the twattish things he said last night

Hi long time lurker / rare poster on MN but have namechanged for this.

I have come to the painful conclusion that I am alcohol dependant. I usually drink at least one bottle of wine or more per evening, although I can if I want to not drink alcohol at all, I usually find myself giving in after one or two days.

I want to change my future by not being so alcohol dependant, which is I think habit more than anything. I am not sure that AA meetings are for me.

Are you able to give me any advice please? I am at work so will be dibbing in and out. Can I just go cold turkey with alcohol? and how do you cope with others reactions to saying thanks but I'm not drinking today?

I intend to read every single one of your threads to gain inspiration from you 'brave babes' but I realy feel it's time and I really need some help and support.

Hi everyone,
Still feeling a bit rubbish, but off out on school run shortly and meeting a friend at swimming later on; busy is better.
sAf loving reading what you've written about the seasonal changes - we did leaf printing yesterday, and DD is convinced that the conkers we've collected will make good sparkly Christmas decorations
Am going to make indie courgette muffins later once we've been to the market for vegetables.
Can't get to a meeting today as DD still not doing full days in school and she's here tonight but will do tomorrow - thanks Mouse and venus for your kind and wise words. This too will pass, I guess.
The weather here seems to think it is April but the colours are wonderful and I am enjoying them.

Clambering I too love Merrell shoes - I have furry lined suede winter shoes of theirs, have had them for years, they like the sandals resolutely refuse to fall apart!
Love to all x

Hi flowerwellies nice to hear from you. I only joined the bus last week after lurking, and previous attempts. I have been alcohol dependent for a few years.
Not everyone is AA on here.

In my experience of similar levels to what you report, can go cold turkey but need lots of kindness to self, and as legal advises, tonnes of hot and cold non alcoholic drinks, and as much good nutirition as you can, and do lots of kind things to and for yourself instead of drinking. COme on here and talk to and with the babeswhenever you need, talking only about yourself and your own struggles is acceptable, you can spend energy on supporting others later....

I have previously done several weeks of only drinking Fri and Saturday, and that is what I am currently attempting, though I tend to binge then and may choose to give up altogether if I cannot sort this out. As far as I understand it there are babes here cutting down as well as completely cutting out.

Any source of encouragement and support is what you need, for me this is multiple - DH, my lovely general practitioner, reading information that motivates me not to drink, mindfulness practice, therapist, going to gym, telling BF, as well as practical things I have listed, plus not buying the stuff / keeping it infridge, dwelling /attending to how good I feel physically, emotionally when not drunk.

Things not helpful, dwelling on how ashamed you are of yourself and how crap you think you are. But share those feelings, and find here that others have same stuff.

Others reactions, must depend on the crew you are with. I arrange to meet people in different places than drinking ones (eg the gym), my DH knows all about it and is v supportive to me saying not drinking. Plenty of babes use covers eg on antibiotics, got a headache, others want to be out and proud as not drinking for the reason purely of not drinking.

Welcome aboard. Pick a seat.

Thanks Clambering I was scared that everyone on here would be completely non drinkers.

I will find a nice comfy seat to sit on and read all of your threads. Maybe just maybe trying to only drink Fridays/Saturdays could work for me too I guess the only way I will find out is to try and I am feeling that I want to try which I am hoping is a positive step.

I am so fed up with losing evenings as i am zonked out in a drunken heap on the sofa, my 'd' p b*ggered off with a much younger model just over 2 years ago and I can't blame my drinking on that because being brutally honest with myself and the MN bus my drinking possibly contributed to that happening too

Having said that I want to change , parks bum on seat to start reading threads

You'll find some other babes come along offering bus refreshments comprising muffins, bacon butties, cuppas and support in a bit. I'm on my work lunch break, and better go back soon. See you later, and dead well done for recognising that you are alcohol dependent, deciding you don't want to lose evenings any more (been there++), and joining us.
Keep your chin up.

welcome wellies
I'm more of a cut downer than a cut outer and am in awe of some of the Babes on here who haven't had a drink for a couple of hours days/weeks/months/years etc.
I am down to a glass or two a night, and must admit not even really enjoying that, it's just a habit more than anything. I'll keep at it.
You will get lots of help here.
PS Can I borrow your wellies

Hi and welcome wellies I am cutting down too, mainly because I am dealing with a few other things at the moment, so taking small steps. I did stop completely for 3 months last year and felt great. Friday / Saturday worked well for me this time for a while but now I am drinking most days.

saf - I love the woo... can you remind us all on the 21st and we can have a harvest festival?

isinde i do love your questions although confess to giggling as I wondered if you had a spreadsheet before DP working out the potential of possible partners. Was relieved DH got 3/3.

Have to confess to drinking last night. Is it just me or when you drink do DC use some spidey senses to ascertain the fact and then play up to punish you? DD crying at (my and hers) bedtime for some time then up from 4am. Poogate aunties will be amused to know that she now has another weapon in her arsenal. When I don't spend all night with her as she wants she pees all over her (new) carpet. Literally every night, twice sometimes. She saunters past her potty, does not say she needs the toilet -just pees. Sometimes she removes her PJs to make it easier. Am at my wits end with her. Any not feeling too rough today, just tired. I walked DD to nursery (an hour and quarter there and back) to blow the hangover cobways away.

Oh mental state update . Talked to nhs, they said no point in cbt - would be harmful to greiving process to label any behaviours as harmful or try to change my thinking at this time (why did no one say that 3 phone calls ago...) and that I have a great plan (exercise, no drink, keep active) and I just need to prioritise me to implement it. I like the woman as she confessed to not going to the gym herself yesterday and eating cake instead. Cruse also returned my call yesterday and they might take me on, just need to go on the waiting list. I had a good feeling about the woman, so we shall see.

Keep strong lovely peoples, keep strong.

I'm trying to cut down too wellies although not sure if thats because I don't have enough of a problem to warrant being teetotal or that I simply can't face not drinking . I have told friends that I am cutting doen in the week and was surprised that a few also admitted to cutting down

Weirdly Isindie but your comment 'You can always drink again..we all can' has helped me put things into perspective a bit. I can 'choose' not to drink a bottle a night the same as I can choose to drink and it would be good for me to try 4/5 days without to simply see how I feel at the end of it. Hope that made sense

Hi all and welcome on board wellies from a fellow newbie. I'm also trying to cut right down rather than giving up completely. I was drinking about a bottle of wine a night - more some nights, less others. At weekends, I could easily drink two bottles.

So my plan is to more or less stop drinking during the week and to drink a lot, lot less at weekends: "Not enough to get drunk" is my target goal. That plan is going kind of...middling...but I'm still working on it. :)

emulsion is the paint

sorry - isinde I assumed stationery & spreadsheet fetishes went hand in hand. so that is just me then with the spreadsheet thing? I used to be a bit of a hippie but then I found spreadsheets and my true calling...

Isindie I'll have you know I was born in England to Irish parents, and just live here as an "incomer". Do not class me with these hairy haggis-eating loonies

MsGee I loathe spreadsheets with a PASSION!! I just can't be doing with all those little boxes. It's beyond me!!

Took scenic route back to work, and not one acorn did I find

Have read the first thread and I am in awe. Definitely made me more determined to deal with my "habit".

I am going to try my first non drinking evening later, thank you to all who took the trouble to give me some early advice

indie really liked that way you put that, I think the enormity of stating to oneself that you never drink again is too big and encompassing, I think that I would drink if I thought like that, I like telling myself that I can choose to drink anytime that I want, I just make a concious choice not to drink today. And I have made that choice every day for the past 9 and half months. But I know that I would self sabotage if I was to tell myself that it was forever! The tricks that our minds can play on us, but conversely we can also play on our minds .

Welcome wellies

Watch it ma or else we'll hound you out , although strawb is another interloper with her lovely Irish lilt. And indie it's to keep you lot out, not the other way round, we want to keep all our gorgeous countryside to ourselves!

What a lovely day it has turned out to be again, am off for the rest of the week - yay!!

Wellies - welcome to the Bus , lovely to meet you. Looks like you've had some great advice and it's great to see that you are going to try to have a booze free night.

Can I give you some advice? Take it slowly, an hour at a time if you have to and if you do drink, then add plenty of soft drinks in too, water and juice.

Your will get cravings for what you think is alcohol (wine) but in actual fact, it's just as likely to be sugar cravings so grab yourself some sweets or chocolate too. Cordials are nice, made up with tonic and ice...... something posh!

And before you die at the cost of a posh cordial, remember how much you used to spend (past tense) on wine each week.

Take the pressure off of yourself tonight. Plan what you are going to drink, not what you are not IYSWIM.

Just take it slowly and come on here if you start to wobble. We can all talk to you and guide you through your first (of many) booze free night xx

SAF - I have my talisman up, acorns in a glass jar on the dining room window sil and have been admiring the full moons for the last few nights.

Harvest moons are my favourite, so big and a gorgeous colour.

I will be making a list of withered plants from my 'garden' and look to see what I can store for the winter months. The 'garden' will be tidied and cobweb free.

I love walking when the weather is windy and threatens a storm..... it's like that here today so I'm off out with Nemo in a while.

MsGee - PMd you before reading your post, great news about CRUSE. Re DD, I think that you need to up the ante with her.

I'm going to be honest with you and say that I think she is picking up on your mood, on your sadness and the fact that you are a little bit distracted. Quite rightly so. Sorry MsGee but I think she knows something is wrong. She needs your attention and is getting it (rightly or wrongly) by doing this.

Go back to basics again with her. Do you think telling her that if she can't use the potty or toilet in the night that she'll have to wear nappies again will stop this or will that send her too far back the other way?

Or you could try the reward chart again? Stars and treats if she uses her potty/loo.

Take a step back and think about why she wants you, why she wants to spend time with you, the whole evening..... she knows.

She knows how sad you are and can sense that your heart is aching. She wants to fix you. She cares but is too young to know how to help so seeks your attention instead because she gets to see you, you know?

I'm sorry if I'm speaking out of turn here..... thinking out loud.

Nursery was brilliant this morning, I really enjoyed it! They are going to do my CRB check and then I can help out more with the children. It was really rewarding helping them draw, reading them stories and playing games with them. Even helping them open their lunches was fun.

There are a couple of the children who have really taken to Nemo and when we were going, one of the little girls came running up to me and said "Mouse, can I come to your house and play next time and stay for some tea please" - awww, bless her. When I read a story to Nemo all of the other children flocked round and sat still as you like just listening as I put fake voices on and did actions!

It was such fun!

So, those with germs and headaches, get better! No sleep in the mouse house again but he does seem less snotty to day. Off for a blustery walk soon.

Back later Babes

Hi wellies, although I am very much a black gumboot sort of girl, I am another one in the (I think) habitual drinker trying to cut down rather than give up altogether camp. I think I am on week 6 or 7 now, no drinking Sunday to Thursday (started out Monday to Thursday) and allow myself to drink Friday and Saturday. I'm just starting to get to the point where I "may or may not" drink on Fri/Sat, which is where I was hoping to get to when I joined the bus. For example, I haven't been having a glass of wine with Sat lunch if we're out!

which all sounds very easy and smug, but it really hasn't been, the first month was extremely hard mentally and physically and I still sometimes catch myself in the old habit of thinking about picking up a bottle of wine to have on a weekday evening. as clambering says, you have to kind of retrain yourself / stock up on alternatives to alcohol, be prepared to be tired / feel worse before you feel better. and also be prepared to have to spend some time thinking about / addressing the reasons why you are drinking so much - there are bound to be some (and for the record it's OK to be here whatever those reasons are. The great thing about this bus is that we don't have to compete to have the most serious problems / drinking issues etc etc. At least I think that's a great thing- I may have missed the point!

On the telling people point, I haven't had to much but have mentioned to people that I am cutting out weeknight drinking as I felt it was creeping up on me. The overwhelming response has been that others feel that they should do the same thing, and some of them are. DH (who never drank that much) has become virtually tee-total by virtue of going out in support.

For those who like Merrell shoes, Timberland have some nice heeled loafers and flats. (awaits scorn of JWN). Or if you're completely minted, a pair of dark green Gucci loafers (which you can buy on the internet for the princely sum of £390. Err - perhaps not).

Well, in my mind almost everyone is from "up north", as a child I was taught that the north of England (and Scotland) comprised everything north of the Watford gap. Or possibly a line from the Severn to the Wash, which is of course a bit different....

I am still recovering from an embarrassing incident in a car park lift in Carlisle, where DS (just 3) announced in a stage whisper "mummy do you think they're marauding Scots")(directed at the other, flame-haired, occupants of the lift). I just might have been playing a very juvenile game involving the potential for marauding scots to come over the border. I made sure to answer him in my broadest kiwi accent.