The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Sweeping Into Autumn With A One Way Ticket To Sobriety.

[Mouseface]

Phew, just in time!

I'm mouse and I love a few to drink. I love all things cheese and I love MrMouse

Welcome to the Bus. We are a collection of drinkers, non-drinkers, and those who are somewhere in between but we all have the same thing in common, we can't just have 1 drink and then stop.

Come say hi, we don't bite .

Here are the other threads to date, if you have a spare hour or seven to kill.

OUR HISTORY

Indie I don't know the whole back story with the parents, but I'm guessing they never accepted your sexuality? (sorry, actually, this should probably be a pm as you shouldn't be asked to spill your guts on a public forum )
it's just i have had a very difficult relationship all my life with my father - long story - and am now at the point where he has dementia and the whole relationship is shifting. he spent the other day crying (I'd never seen him cry in my whole life, or show any emotion really other than tyranny - if that's an emotion) and it was stuff from his own childhood, long repressed, that was surfacing. i think the point my ramblings are leading me to argue devils advocate in an attempt to understand, not to justify their behaviour. What was their upbringing? how did they react when you came out? How old were you etc.
I am not and would never condone bigotry, but am completely detatched from this (other than you are my friend) and would like to see if I can help somehow.
Just tell me to sod off and stop being nosy - I won't be offended

ok, having killed the thread, I'm going to bed. (That rhymes!)
indie hope I haven't caused any offence.

don't know if I'll sleep tonight as wind is howling round the house and rattling the letterbox in a mass-murderish fashion....Dh not here tonight so no snoring, farting lump big, brave manly chap to protect me.
Have had glass and a half and it's horrible so the rest is going down the sink. why do I drink this shite?

I understand isindie. I know the way my father treated us was partly due to the way he was treated by his monster of a father, but there does come a point where the rational adult mind has to kick in and say "well, this happened to me, but it doesn't make it right" and one makes an active effort to be different.
Good luck with the visit - and with staying sober!

Morning lovely brave babes,
I ended up with a horrible migraine last night - hormones plus stress - and determined to be back on the misery is optional positive thinking bus today.
How are our very Northern babes doing? The winds have dropped here this morning but I am probably positively in the south to some of you!
Mouse hope your and Nemo's sleep was as good as you hoped
Indie I'll contribute a cake to your bet with sAf - I have a close friend also waiting on the outcome of a PhD funding proposal too. Looking forward to the day when I get to call her Dr as she'll regret winding me up then for sure!! I don't have any suggestions re parents but your sister sounds absolutely brilliant. My DD now has no GPs that she sees but better that than toxic ones, I think.
missy hope you are doing ok this morning, I suspect everything will be a lot less confusing when you can stop looking at life from the bottom of a bottle.
Right, time to get out, the we are about to be evicted problem will not solve itself, I have a part to play here.
Love to all and apologies to all I have missed. x

Morning babes! I am slinking back on and hiding myself in a corner as I fucked up majorly on sunday and am rather ashamed of myself.

Morning all

Winds have dropped a little here.

I lost the plot with DD last night, for using her fingers at the table instead of her fork, after asking her several times to use her fork, the red mist descended [shame]. I thumped her on her arm, and I made her cry. I feel truly horrible, but I was just so annoyed that she wasn't listening.

She aknowledged the fact I asked her to use her fork, and continued to use her fingers.
I feel really really fecking awful
I know it's because I am struggling at work and feel so impotent to change things at work. BUT why the hell should I make my DD's live shit because of it.

We have had a cuddle and makeup, last night and this morning, but I feel like the world's worst parent.

Morning Saf. Thanks for the coffee. Nothing much to say other than the usual - got very drunk at a friend's house and made an arse out of myself. Stupid, stupid, stupid. I'm being sober this week.

Glad you're feeling better about DS and well done for getting out and running/yoga.

Sorry to hear that bafana. I don't think you're the first parent to lose their temper when their child is being a bowsie, however. What age is your DD?

Morning all,
lots going on on the bus this morning. Where are the butties?

Before climbing on bus last week, I'd hardly done online community stuff. I've been noticing that something I am really valuing is the way that one I can reveal stuff one I would not necessarily to the Mums at the school gate (especially those gorgeous fit ones in running gear and caps double - am teasing legal). And what is great about this for me is that it means finding out that there are plenty of women with very similar stuff going on inside to the swirling crap, shame, worry, fear etc inside my thoughts and feelings. I know this in theory, but it is a different thing to actually share in practice, so thank you all.

Missy ooh you poor thing, sounds yuk. What do your BFs say about this guy?? Can you listen to them - they often see things you don't in this situation, but which one day you will see clearly.

bafana - oh been there, I really want to go for non-aggressive parenting, but do indeed lose it especially in the evenings. I'm angel of patience in mornings (when have not drunk) but demon of short fuse in evenings. Sounds like you did the perfect thing though, you showed her that when a person fucks up gets it wrong, the right and good and helpful thing to do is to explain, apologise, make up, and show their love. She will no doubt mess up from time to time too, and you are showing her how to handle it. (I don't want my DSs to feel terrible about themselves when they have had momentary lapses, even though that is how I treat myself - see weekend events above!!).

I'm working from home, and looks like this is going to be a long term thing for me - my university department has just announced it is open planning us all to massive offices, which I absolutely hate. Feel really uncared for by them. Fortunately, I like working from home except it can be a little lonely - so bus rides ++ for me!

I did not drink yesterday, I really wanted to 'cause it was a very hectic afternoon with four kids and several activities (for them) and dealines and 'cause of the work changes and 'cause I am still upset by my weekend incident. However, I didn't. It helped not having any cold white in, and also telling DH I wanted to and him giving me positive strokes (ahem) for not drinking.

Thanks clambering and theala
She is 13, and is normally a very calm and biddable soul. I must pray for more patience. Very much a major character defect that I possess. When I decide that something needs to be done, I lose all rationalality!

Ahh well, I am trying to not let yesterday's failures carry into my day today.
Might try and do something special with her over the next couple of nights.

theala I hated myself when I made a tit of myself in front of people . I could beat myself up for days and days. Move forward my lovely, look back at your mistakes but don't stare, you cannot change them, but only hopefully learn.

clambering being uncared for by your employer - I can totally relate, am sure that my mood is very much not made better by stuff going on at work, over which I have no control.

Need to look at what I do have control over, and try and change what I am unhappy about, even if it is just to readjust my mood and temprement about what is going on!

So - I will try to keep smiling.

Bafana - I had the patience of a saint my all my nieces and nephews before my DC's were born but I am now unfortunately completely the opposite. I have been known to yell shout at my DD who is 8 but very strong willed and stubborn. I apologise for over reacting but explain that she had been told to do/not do something too many times and that I will try not to shout again if she tries to do as she is told for once. Put it behind you and try not to dwell on it. LOving your quote 'look back at your mistakes but don't stare'
Noteven how are things going sorting out your house etc. I often find that I put things off but when I sort it out its not as bad as I thought

Afternoon Babes

Utterly pants night again here. Nemo is really struggling at night to breathe so I was on watch all night. He did go to bed in his own bed for the first time ever. I stayed in the room with him until he fell asleep.

Because of all the trauma he has been through, his nurse and I have a strong belief that he has flash backs and night terrors so it's not just a case of leave him to cry it out, he display a very real fear and calming him down is important so we had lots of cuddles last night and used his GroClock too.

I'm starving but on salad for lunch (bloody diet). And I'm tired so I want comfort foods.

MsGee - sends her love, she's on a train to lovely Brum!

bafana - I have only ever slapped DD (12) once. She spoke to me like I was a piece of dirt and I'd asked her not to. She kept pushing and pushing and pushing me, talking down to me and I just snapped. Totally my fault. Not at all hers.

I felt like you, I should have reined my anger in, I should have gone out of the room, I should have left it and just told her I was upset by what she was saying....... should of.

There's no rule book, no instruction leaflet, trouble shooting guide that comes with children I bet you and DD are super close and normally rub along together just fine. I know DD and I are like that.

You're not perfect, you are a parent working very hard, trying to be the best mother that you can be, whilst running around, taking care of the house, homework, food shopping, and everything else that comes into your life,.

Give yourself a break. It happened, you feel dreadful and will for a few days because you are a brilliant mother who cares!

If you didn't you'd shrug it off. Please, let it go. You are sorry and actually, your DD should be to. Lots of cuddles and lots of I love yous and all will be grand sweets.

You are doing so well, cut yourself some slack. Try and slow down a bit and make some YOU time if at all possible. You know where I am xx

Thanks bafana and SAF. I think on sunday, I was just out to get pissed, really. I had just finished a race (7km in 38 mins!) and decided that I was going to get pissed to reward myself "for being so good", I think. Bafana, I also love that expression, "look back at your mistakes but don't stare" but I think I need to figure out why I had that "get pissed" click and to really imprint the consequences on my brain (I feel like I've damaged a good friendship, and also took a holiday day yesterday as I felt too ill to go to work) of that decision so that the next time I start feeling the getting pissed = reward thing, I'll remember feeling like this.

I can actually have one or two drinks without "opening the floodgates" SAF, but just sometimes I decide to get drunk. Very drunk. Like my brain is still hanging on to that drunk = good times! from when I was a teenager. I'm in my late thirties, shouldn't I have got over this by now? Waffle, waffle...sorry.

Sorry to hear about Nemo, Mouse. Obviously I don't know the backstory, but it sounds like he has episodes where he feels a lot worse than at other times? If so, I hope he gets over this episode as quickly as possible, and that you all manage to get some sleep.

And oh crap! I smoked two cigarettes on sunday as well, and I've just now got an "anniversary" email to say "You've made it! A whole 11 months without a cigarette!" At least, it would have been 11 months if I hadn't smoked. :(

I know 2 fags isn't a big deal in the grand scheme of things, and I certainly don't want to start smoking again now, but my quit was important to me and I've really let myself down. :( :( :(

Hi babes, on my lunch break, only prevaricated a bit this morn, but did get some stuff done.
saf - PMed you.
I read something about Uk culture in particular treating drink as very very strongly associated with stopping work for the day, more strongly than with e.g. socialising. That hit a chord for me. Also theala - when I have managed it, I have found it v useful to do some mindfulness kind of noticing of headache/tiredness just to really sink into and imprint what it feels like and this helps me sometimes not drink subsequently as I can remember how poorly I feel. THis only works for the physical sensations, it absolutely does not work for noticing the behavioural aspects though as I just get ashamed and feel crap about myself.
saf my pants are still on.

Oops saf cannot PM you I see. I am a conversation analyst, how about that!!! Yes, I know how v tough PhD studentship market is at present. Feel for you.

theala don't dwell on it, you have quit 10 months 30 days, today: just do one day at a time.

lurkin - you still on bus? we don't mind if you are drinking or not, give us a wave.

Tesco have Beck blue on sale, 2 six packs for £6.

Well, learn something new every day - just read the wikipedia entry on discourse analysis and didn't understand a word of it, have spent 30mins googling and now have some idea/ see it is often applied to law so am off to the online library to see if I can find an interesting article to enlighten me. Can you tell I'm starting to miss studying? (only two weeks until term restarts).

Haven't been reading thread properly over the last few days so will go back and read and comment in the unlikely event that I have some amazing words of wisdom to add....

Afternoon, feel very much at a standstill in my life at the minute, it's like every day is groundhog day