What is the definition of great sex?

[ladycurious]

I see it mentioned on here often when people say we have great sex blah blah, just trying to work out what "great sex" actually means!

Great sex is with someone you love and who loves you back.

@busybarbara

I suspect people are referring to the point in a relationship where sex isn't boring, dull, repetitive and predicable and still has a feint resemblance of the passion and reckless abandon often seen in the movies where one thing leads to another and there's a lustful, carnal desire to get it on. Under those circumstances, having to press pause and open a condom wrapper, get it positioned, unrolled and secure kind of ruins the moment.

That's only a guess, as for many, myself included, stopping momentarily to put on a condom is (was) a non event, you just do it whilst your partner gets a sip of water from the bedside table, or checks her phone for messages, or yawns impatiently or whatever. The world doesn't stop turning.

The fact that it totally ruins the pleasure sensations for some men is a separate issue.

It sounds like even in the "early days" I've always tended to be more in the latter group you mention! It has never been a big deal or got in the way at all. Which makes me think I've been having a dull time of it!

@busybarbara

I think that's just an excuse that people use. If the mood is so fragile it can't stand me nipping for a wee or my partner putting a condom on or getting me a glass of wine or kicking the cat out of the bedroom, it's not that good is it!

For me, great sex is where you have two (or more!) people who genuinely want to get each other off, and are generous and kind about it. Rubbish sex happens when one person is selfish or lazy. You have to be willing to really listen to what your partner wants and try and achieve it for them. So many men think it's about 'technique' but it's really more about listening and paying attention.

I'm better telling you what it isn't (which is back to front obvs).

It's not your husband with his eyes closed the whole time. It's not him not kissing you. It's not him not caressing or stroking you. It's not him not seducing you with words, a look. ..

I'm probably ruined tbh. I spent years blaming myself (he was/is an abusive arse) and now too unattractive to date or shag.

Great sex is playful, naughty, fun, close, respectful with people who are into eachother. It's the thing in my life I miss the most after a 12 year sexless marriage where I stayed for the kids.

Well, when you can really let go, be fully in the moment, nothing else exists and you have several organsms or a really long one...