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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Would you believe this?

131 replies

Believable · 27/07/2011 01:46

If you were told this story, would you believe it? (sorry it is very long)

Jane was your typical woman in mid-twenties, hoping someday to find Mr right but it no, so what? Although she wanted children come hell or high water. If that meant being a single mum, then so be it. Jane unfortunately had PCOS, so the likelihood of her conceiving naturally was fairly slim.

In the summer of 2005, after another break up of a not to serious relationship, she stumbled into the taxi of a man who was quite charming. He name was John. John was not from the same country as Jane. Jane had always believed the she was no better than anyone and no one was better than her. Everyone was equal. They exchanged numbers and over the next few weeks and months, a relationship had blossomed. Jane & John decided to start trying for a baby. After a chat with her doctor they both felt that it might be a long process and her doctor prescribed some medication to increase the chances of conceiving.
After a few months they were successful. They were both overjoyed. John & Jane decided to take a trip to his home country for Jane to be introduced to his family. The trip was planned meticulously and they discussed getting married when they were away. His family would never be able to afford the money to UK to attend wedding. A decision was reached that they would marry in his country with his family and then on their 1yr anniversary, get blessing in UK with her family and friends.

So in the summer of 2006 Jane & John set of for his home country. They were welcomed warmly and Jane felt like a part of the family instantly. Jane and John were married surrounded by his family. It was a lovely day. Whilst they were there John?s father became very ill and was admitted to hospital. Things did not look good. Jane suggested that John should stay for a few weeks to spend as much time as possible with his ailing father and that she would return to UK without him. The baby was not due for 3 months so plenty of time for John to spend with his father and still be back in time for the birth.

Jane returned to the UK on her own. It was fairly unpleasant trip. Long flight to London, missing connecting flight. Having to arrange to fly to nearby airport and getting a lift from that airport in the middle of the night. Jane returned to work the following day after only a few hours? sleep. She looked very much like a busted sofa, but a happy busted sofa. Everyone was delighted that they had married. A few days later Jane had a regular check-up in hospital to monitor pregnancy, it was noted that there was reduced fluid and baby was breech. Hospital arranged for her to attend again the following week for further monitoring.

Jane was still live in her parents? house and so had to find somewhere for her, John and baby to live and set up house. The following week the fluid was decreased and Jane was signed off work and put on bed rest, now she had to attend every 3 days for monitoring. At 29 weeks she was admitted to hospital for full bed rest. There was the constant threat that they would have to deliver the baby early. Jane was frantic. Baby might not survive and John was still at his father?s bedside. She did not want to pressure him to come home.

Finally John came home when Jane was at 34weeks. Within days the fluid levels around the baby stabilised and she was allowed to go home. Baby was born by C-section at 38wks. They were both ecstatic with the new dd.

Home life settled into the mundane routine. But something kept niggling at Jane. John disappearing for hours on end, saying he was going somewhere on his way out then talking about another place when he came home. John worked nightshift and the wages coming into the house did not match the amount of hours that he was working.
Jane got suspicious and started hunting for clues. She eventually found a phone with few numbers that she did not recognise. Jane called these numbers to be told by the women on the other end that they were ?dating? her husband. All hell broke loose and Jane kicked John out of the house. Jane was raised Catholic and believed that marriage is for life. When she and Jon (also Catholic) first discussed getting married, they were in complete agreement was to what was acceptable. Infidelity was not. But Jane?s religion meant that she had to try to forgive him.

About a month after they separated, John was living with a woman(let?s call her Alice) from his own country saying that ?she knew too much? and ?she could get him into trouble? and promised that someday everything would be sorted and he & Jane would be happy again.

Jane fell into a depression. Going from being a single happy woman without a care in the world to a separated married woman with 4month old dd and debt up to her eyeballs (trip home & setting up the house).

Life ticked on as best it could. Jane did all that she could for her dd. Providing a safe and loving home albeit with only one parent. John was very sporadic in his visits, which tormented Jane. After consulting a solicitor, Jane was advised to not rock the boat. To let things plod along as they were. John would most likely be granted access to DD outside of the house but that meant the DD would be going to Alice?s house. Alice on her many many phone calls to Jane to stay away from John made it very clear that she hated Jane and disliked the idea of DD.

So in winter of 2009, a police man called to Jane house and asked to come in. PC Bobby explained that the home office had been looking at John and had discovered that he had 2 wives. One he married in UK in 2004 and Jane who he married elsewhere in 2006. This came as such a shock to Jane. She was required to go to police station to give a full statement. This process was horrific for Jane having to recount their whole relationship to a very cynical policewoman (let?s call her Sally) who seemed to be getting pleasure out of the delicious gory details of the broken relationship. Jane made it perfectly clear that she would not be giving evidence in court if it ever got that far. She provided the police with photographs and a copy of the marriage licence.

As the month went by, PC Sally pushed and pressured Jane about handing over the original marriage licence. Jane refused. If on the off chance the licence was lost/destroyed, Jane would have to fly back to John?s home country and apply in person. Jane assured PC Sally that she would make sure that the original licence was brought to court on the days it was needed.

PC Sally alternated between pushing for the licence and pushing for Jane to give evidence in court. Jane?s depression was not lifting and if anything was getting deeper and deeper. Her doctor has to write to the prosecution service and police to advise them that Jane was not medically fit to give evidence.

John?s case finally made its way to magistrates? court and was publicised on radio & newspapers much to Jane?s distress. The case moved to crown court. PC Sally contacted Jane again and this time threatened to arrest Jane. Jane had a breakdown. John?s barristers put forward an old piece of legislation from 1800s.

The following week, John?s case was dropped. His barristers had found a loophole in the law. He legally has 2 wives. He is living the life of Reilly while Jane raises their DD on her own.

OP posts:
WetAugust · 27/07/2011 19:54

Just running this week's homework for your creative writing course past us?

C- must try harder

LRDTheFeministDragon · 27/07/2011 21:37

mouldy - I like that ending better. Grin

Believable · 27/07/2011 22:48

Thanks everyone for responding.

I have got myself so twisted up in this I don't know what is me being a complete eejit or could this happen to anyone.

Anyway, yes I am "Jane".

The loophole the way it was explained to me by police & pps is that a foreign national married abroad has to have his/her marriages legally recognised by UK law. Not impressed with this but law has apparently been in place since 1800s.

I had absolutely nothing do with his right to stay/status/visa. His 1st wife did all that unbeknownst to me.

I will fully admit to "picking'n'mixing" my religion. Probably not the best thing to do, but it works for me.

As far as giving evidence, PPS did not NEED me to give evidence. They had signed statement, photographs and copy of licence. They WANTED me to. Unfortunately I was unable/unwilling to because of my health issues.

I didn;t want to report PC Sally for her threatening me, as she was just doing her job after all. But I did contact a solicitor. He told me, rightly or wrongly, that she could not just arrest me. A judge would need to issue a summons which under the circumstances (medical issues) it would be unlikely that he would.

Police were supplied with certified copy of licence. They wanted the original for some reason.

I do feel like a simpleton most of the time.

I hope I have answered everyone.

OP posts:
LRDTheFeministDragon · 27/07/2011 22:55

Eh? Of course you need your marriage registered. So when you said he had two legal marriages, you meant one - his first wife? Not two other wives?

I'm sorry, I am still very dubious as to why you would want to dress this up as a 'story' to see if we believe it.

DrinkFeckArseGirls · 27/07/2011 22:58

I actually read through it. Now that's unbelievable. Still don't understand the point of this exercise. Why are you asking if it's believable if it did happen to you Confused?

Believable · 27/07/2011 23:01

It is my life.

I'm not explaining myself well. I'm so inside this situation I can see the wood for the trees. I don;t know if this is somehow my fault for being totally and utterly gullible.

According to police & pps, both his marriages are legal. Nothing I can do about the law.

OP posts:
SiamoFottuti · 27/07/2011 23:04

No I don't find it believable. At 6 months you'd never be told baby was breech, thats just for starters. And what does registering marriage have to do with the fact that you can't legally have two wives in the UK? You can have a wife and a woman who thinks she is a wife, but she is not.

I don't believe a word of it.

LesserOfTwoWeevils · 27/07/2011 23:08

Well, assuming but not admitting that it's true, as the lawyers say...
what are you looking for here, Believable?

LRDTheFeministDragon · 27/07/2011 23:09

His marriages are not both legal in the UK. By the sound, your 'marriage', which you didn't register, is not legal here. Maybe hers is. Sorry, but this does not ring true. Nor does writing it up as a story on a website asking us to rate it for plausibility.

Sleepingonthebus · 27/07/2011 23:17

Believable Have your story been in a magazine? Parts of it sound familiar.

Sleepingonthebus · 27/07/2011 23:17

Has, not have

Believable · 27/07/2011 23:21

Sleeping I hope not. At least on here, I am anonymous. When the case was dropped my courts I was hounded asked by local Sunday rag to do an interview. I declined.

OP posts:
LesserOfTwoWeevils · 27/07/2011 23:22

But other than wanting to know whether or not we find it believable, what are you hoping to get from MN, or is that it?

Believable · 27/07/2011 23:22

Lesser I suppose I was hoping for a poster to chirp up about a similar story to make me feel less of an eejit. Don't think that is likely now.

OP posts:
Thistledew · 27/07/2011 23:24

If 'John' is not British or a commonwealth citizen, and could successfully claim that he is not domiciled in the UK, then he may have been able to prosecution for Bigamy - section 57 of Offences Against the Persons Act 1861.

However, as you are (I assume) British and domiciled in the UK then you are not permitted to enter into a Bigamous marriage and your marriage is in fact void - ie, according to the laws of the UK it does not exist - section 11 Matrimonial Causes Act 1973.

If during the attempted prosecution of 'John', he accepted that he had entered into a marriage with you abroad, but was running the defence that he is not domiciled in the UK, there would have been no need for you to attend court to give evidence as to the fact of your marriage. PC Sally may have been attempting to get you to go to court to give evidence in relation to his place of domicile.

So yes, that part of your account is believable, although you may have been slightly misinformed about the validity of your marriage, and should take proper legal advice about this in order to ascertain whether you would in fact need to divorce.

But what are you asking for here? I can imagine that it is very confusing and you probably don't know where to start unravelling your feelings. Is there one question you would like answered/ opinions on more than any other?

Thistledew · 27/07/2011 23:25

*to avoid prosecution

CaptainNancy · 27/07/2011 23:29

WHen you marry in the UK, you have to declare whether you have ever (previously) been married in this or any other country- what did he answer?

DuelingFanjo · 27/07/2011 23:34

"The loophole the way it was explained to me by police & pps is that a foreign national married abroad has to have his/her marriages legally recognised by UK law"

so

what you are saying is that in the eyes of the UK legal system you weren't actually married, like Jerry Hall and Mick Jagger?

LesserOfTwoWeevils · 27/07/2011 23:38

I have been an eejit in a wide variety of ways and with at least one man who should have been barely visible for red flags. If it's any consolation.
But it sounds as though you still need help sorting out what the basic facts are. That's what the other posters are trying to help you with.
Even if John was not convicted of bigamy, he does not have two wives and you are not married to him.

Strawbezza · 27/07/2011 23:38

Nah. Don't believe it. Far too much Mills & Boon romantic detail. Far too little knowledge of police procedures.

Believable · 27/07/2011 23:41

no what I am saying the in the eyes of UK legal system it recognises the marriage. Although Thistledew above suggest that I go back for further legal advice.

OP posts:
LesserOfTwoWeevils · 27/07/2011 23:43

So what about it? What do you want to do?

Believable · 27/07/2011 23:44

i don;t know. head is a mess

OP posts:
SiamoFottuti · 27/07/2011 23:45

It can't recognise both marriages in the UK. Thats called bigamy. Hmm

RumourOfAHurricane · 27/07/2011 23:50

This reply has been deleted

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