wifes libido, what's happend to it?

[lightning02]

Well, where do I start? We?ve been married 15 years, have two beautiful primary school age kiddies and we always had what I would call a decent relationship and sex life.
Recently though things have taken a turn for the worse and have no idea of what to do to get things back on track.

We still have sex, even though it?s not as often as I would like, but it always seems hard work. I feel that she partakes to just get it out of the way.

Initiation is 99.9% from me. Kissing isn?t allowed (only if she?s drunk!!),no oral for me, infact she doesn?t like my face near hers, she doesn?t move much and when we?ve finished she seems really agitated! Morning sex is a thing of the past. ?She says it puts her in a mood for the rest of the day!!

I get turned down regulaly and told to accept it.

2 years ago, she did go through a really horny stage,(after both kids were born) whereby she wanted it at any given moment. I relished this and never ever said no. I?d love her to be like this again (even if it wasn?t as often). Just for the fact that I can feel wanted by her and not some dirty perv who always makes the first move!

The thing is is that I love her more than anything and I find her really attractive, but can?t help but feel that if this goes on for much longer, we?ll probably end up going our separate ways.

We have, as far as I am aware of, no underlying issues. We have sat down numerous times and discussed this, but it only ends in arguments, so I tend to just keep it to myself now and walk round a bit deflated. Our household chores are split evenly, infact I probably tend to do more.

I really don?t know what to do to get things back on track, that?s if they ever will. The talking method doesn?t seem to work. The silent method, does raise her attention that something isn?t right, but that obviously isn?t a good way to help this issue. We can?t go down that line for the rest of our lives!! It sounds awful, but the more I get pushed away and rejected the more distant I feel.

Should I just not focus on this, lay off the sex and hope eventually she regains her libido and want?s me again?

Any advice would be great!

[notlettingthefearshow]

Give her affection and intimacy (kisses, hugs) without taking it any further. She might think you are only approaching her when you want something more, which is why she's shying away even from a snog. I'm sure she's aware that things aren't red hot between you - pick a good time to talk and make sure you don't accuse her or sound that you're just frustrated.

[RueDeDay]

This thread is from 2011 I doubt that the OP will care about your blog.

[ChocolateForAll]

Zombie thread!!

[ScarletForYa]

Blog off !

[Dadaist]

OP - I would add that it's quite possible your DW no longer sees you as a person in your own right - but as her 'other half'. And maybe she's built up resentments, and she may be unhappy about certain things in her life that she associates with either being your fault or as having made sacrifice after sacrifice. It may not be fair - it may be bloody unfair - although not without a grain of truth, enough to turn her off wanting you.
You might want to take yourself out of the relationship for a while - explore different things to make you happy, stop behaving like you are her everything- or that she is yours- and remind her that you are an actual person that she can choose to love or not love, but she can't expect you stumble on being unloved and not make choices of your own. It would be absolutely wrong to set any kind of ultimatums. Instead - just live your life with a little less focus on her, and she may feel a little more free to see you in a different light?
I'm not convinced of this - but it's what occurs to me. Maybe take a long holiday and find out if you feel OK with who you are - and she will have space to do the same?

[PickAChew]

I think op this dp have had a good 5 yrars to reflect, since he started this thread.