Hissy....well yes.
They have a success rate of abut 60 ish percent, I believe.
I always thought of h as a "performing monkey" and told him so last year. Not helped by his fucking shitty parents who made him enter TV talent shows as a kid. Performing monkey, for their own vicarious reward. And eventual fucking hell for his "wife" and kids. And wonder why he doesn't now behave like a whole real person? I understand the why's.....like others have been saying, I have read so much, learned so much, not just about him, but the learning about MYSELF and my utterly disgusting family too.
But he's big now, and still a performing monkey. We all are in this business to an extent, but when you get into the wings....you're real again. Well I am! He's not. He's just that monkey. That's why his work is so important...it's his only source of identity, it's all he has. And this abuse ramped up significantly when he lost a massive contract with the BBC. There is no co incidence there.
I am also aware of his jealousy of my inate creativity...he works darned hard.. whereas I just do it. My older sister and mother had the same crucifying jealousy of me. I always knew, but was never brave enough to say out loud. The stuff that people at work that knew both my sister and I have told me recently, are eye wateringly painful admissions of that jealousy from her. Stuff that she has said. "I know you'd rather it was thisis here tonight...I know she's so much better and prettier than me" That kind of thing. Stunning revelations. My mother always believed that I'd somehow been that person on purpose to hurt them, and that I was "sadistic" and "evil".
When they came back into my life for that two year period, H bought it, hook, line and sinker....it justified his abuse of me even more didn't it? They showed him ways to get to me that he had never thought of.....yipee for me.
The thing that has dawned on me so much is that NOBODY knows him. And I've only just found out. He doesn't know him, he is SO detached from himself and reality, that it is terrifying.
I was never a sex doll....his brother sexually abusing him and that lunacy that is the catholic church put paid to that. Sex, What's that then?
He will delight in dd's present opeing tomorrow and much more likely to hoover than me.
But the rest? Yup ALL THERE. I am invisible teddy thing that is left behind and ignored until it suits.....'till those shits he works for are as horrid to him as they were to me...(But somehow I deserved it because I was "mad") and no one else understands....and they don't, it's so complex. I do understand, but he's beaten that understanding teddy out of his life....because I wanted MY phone, and I might have gone on mumsnet!
As the mother of a son, I truly hope and pray that I have done enough to allow my son to have his own feelings, and to express them, not project them onto some poor unsuspecting "teddy" A son whose father has totally rejected him, and now his step father, with whom he is very close, has done this.
Sorry that is a veritable Tapas of a rant. I don't know what will happen. I know that I have come through an enlightenment, that, besides my children, has left me completely and utterly alone in the world. My children are of course, "on loan". As all children are.
Maybe, just maybe, the universe will be on MY side for once. I have cut out my family...my "mother" even, I feel about her as you Hissy feel about your exh. I will be dancing on her grave. I can probably do anything.