What would you say if DH was being a bit crap and you were heavily pregnant?

[ThomCat]

If you were me and currently 37 weeks pregant, still working, at least up to the end of this week, had a 4 year old with special needs, and was still doing pretty much everything round the house. You'd done all the Xmas shopping and wrapped pressies, you'd bought your DD's birthday present s and wrapped them too, you had organised the nursery to have the carpets cleaned etc, you were helping to choose a new car and going through the disability mobility route, making appts for your daughter to see speech therapists etc, did all the food shopping, cooked most nights, did 80% of the child care, got up on Saturday and Sunday morning leaving your DH in bed etc (you get the gist!)

What would you say to your DP/DH to make him really sit up and start really pulling his weight, treating you like a Goddess and doing all he could to make you feel loved, cherished, rested etc etc?

And if he said to you while he was online and you were watching TV 'Can you blow your nose or something, you're breathing really loudly', and the reason you were breathing loudly was becasue you couldn't really breathe due to being horribly congested and blocked up since earlyish pregnancy - what would you say?

Just purely conversational!

No idea.... but I will read with great interest!

at the fact you're due in 3 weeks!!!!!

Honestly ? I'd tell him to get off his lazy arse and HELP ME ! Failing that I'd cry and make him feel guilty

I'm looking forward to the responses too and I can't believe it's only 3 weeks away either!

I think it is mostly unprintable!

Polite version: Tell him to get off his arse and help out, or just stop doing all but most essential things and let him do them. You should be getting at least one lie in per weekend IMO.

Hmmmm but what if crying didn't actually make him feel guilty?

How can you be 37 weeks, you only got pregnant last week surely TC?
I'd cry, and go on strike as much as possible tbh. Or set him up with baked beans and toast every night, pleading exhaustion
It got my dp cooking....

Kiss my ass!!! Then proceed to blow my nose very loudly every 5 minutes!!!!

I saw your other thread Thomcat, he's being a total tosspot just lately, I don't know how you cope with him tbh along with everything else!!!!

God TC, your due date appears to have just appeared out of no-where. Hope lottie is doing well

I can't really answer your question as my DP was just as, if not not more, useless than yours appears to be. Absolutely nothing I did made him see sense until I developed Sinusitis on my due date, was tucked up on the sofa for a whole 6 days on antibiotics, surrounded by snotty tissue's, terrible ear ache, constant groaning, no sleep and then DD decided it was perfect timing her for to arrive and I went into labour (28 hours of it, I might add)

I'd print out the list below and drop it, along with a heap of takeaway menus in his lap.

Later, having consumed the takeaway, I think we'd be having a serious conversation about how these activities are going to be his for at least the first month after the baby arrives, because otherwise I'd be leaving him....

I would tell him to p*^s off.

I was lucky as my dh did actually notice that I was needing help towards the end of my pregnancy!

Awww TC that's just not fair. Has he always been like this or did he help out before?

Sounds like you are having a rough time Thomcat. My dh was being quite rubbish when I was pg and even after ds2 was born. I had mild pnd and saw a counsellor who said I should go off for the weekend. Don't give advance notice or leave any meals or anything. I didn't have the guts to do this and didn't want to leave the baby at such a young age. But I did tell him that unless he sorted it, we didn't have a long-term future together. We have had a lot of problems this year but have worked through them. You have to spell it out to some men, and I guess actions speak louder than words, hence the counsellor's suggestion.

Have any friends/families noticed? Can they intervene? One of dh's close friends had words with him and this helped too. Good luck

I'd move in with my mother for a couple of weeks taking offspring with me and refusing all calls

I'm afraid it's unpostable.

I have a very nasty temper you know.

Hello TC!! ..you're doing too much me girl, take it easy.

btw... I would tell him I was leaving him - disappear for a few hours (get him really worried)and then return.

Shock him into action I say.

just tell him that you have seen your midwife and she has told you to rest as much as possible and that from now on you will only be doing the very essential things and he will have to let you have at least one lie in at w'ends if he asks you to do anything just say i am busy! (creating life!!!!! he can never beat that!) tho men need encoragement to do things so if u need something doing ask him - hes not a mind reader, i found myself getting quite stressed after my dp went back to work when i had dd2 because he would come home and sit at the computer while i tried to feed dd's and bath dd2 and make bottles and have a last tidy up and get the girls to bed and make our dinner before i could sit down for the evening i was thinking why doesnt he see what im doing and offer to help!!!!! grrrr then one day i asked him if when he comes home from work he could ask when needs doing, now when he comes home he either makes the bottles or baths dd2 and he puts one to bed and i put the other to bed and we both tidy up so its a bit fairer now, he did have a half hearted attempt at saying but i've just got in from work but i just said at least you had a nice quiet drive home (for half hour) i've had no stop crying/ whinging (dd2 has her crying time between 4 and 6 and dd1 whings cause shes not used to the lack of attention) anyway so i soon put him in his place and now we both get to relax from 7.30 ish

Thomcat my sympathies - sounds like my dh too. At this point in my pregnancy he also had a hissy fit at the idea that I would have liked a water birth, refusing to attend if I did!

Cry - best approach ime!

That's a good idea HMC.

perhaps, like me, he cant possibly believe you are 37 weeks already

seriously i have posted before about dh's general crapness while I have been pg (he seems to have improved slightly).

I know I really took it to heart because I was stressing about how we would cope with 3 kids and me expected to do everything. Do you feel a bit like this?

well, I would tell him in no uncertain terms to pull his f'ing finger out.

I nagged at dh in a shrill manner re his mountain of coats at the weekend and they were moved (next to the bed ) but it meant that I didn't have to look at them in the dining room anymore.

Men have a habit of not noticing things that need doing until you remind them (and then you get the nag chestnut thrown at you), so I think a bit of a reminder needs to be chucked his way.

Thought that might appeal to you - being a feisty one and all that...

TC! in exactly the same postition. Dh is not at all sensitive to the fact im 36 weeks pregnant and already feel guilty that we currently dont have my income due to maternity leave! He doesnt notice ANYTHING ive done around the house unless i point it out to him and on the days i dont do anything he tends to make back handed comments about how lazy i have been or how much TV i have watched etc.
I say ignore him! My DH doesnt respond to crying, infact it tends to make him back off even more which in turn makes me worse and with the way our hormones are at the moment thats not a good thing is it.
My tactic now is to tell DH what i intend to do, ie im gonna paint DS bedrrom today and if i fall off the ladder i will ring you so you can take me to hospital and explain why your 36 week pregnant wife was climbing ladders! That particular one worked a treat!

Blimey - just type out what you've done here in a letter. I sometimes send my dh emails to work, sounds weird I know but I never have time to talk to him at home! I don't make them whiney, I just state the bald facts. Men tend not to even think of helping unless you state the bloody obvious as they assume you are quite happy doing everything. Even when my dh does help which is not often he asks irritating stupid obvious questions.... sigh...

Anyway you sound really organised. Hope all goes well with the birth.

By the way my dh was a real pain in the early stages of labour this time round - he spent quite a lot of the time on the phone to BT as he was trying to set up Broadband. Very useful! Meanwhile I am dashing round the house tidying up and making sure there was enough clean clothes etc for the other two to wear while I was in hospital.

that was to MrsD btw

What would i do?

Collapse everything down that you do to the absolute bare minimum, eg you still will have to sort out appts for lottie and look after her and other things.

Then (and this always works with my dh) Stop doing his ironing,washing,making his tea, DEFINATELY dont get up at the weekend-let him do it-my DH has to get up on a Sat morning, i insist on it because my dd still doesnt sleep through the night and i never get a full nights sleep, do it before the new baby comes because you will be completely exhausted by then.

Its really not fair that you have to do all this on your own really its not, im surprised you havent collapsed.