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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

What would you say if DH was being a bit crap and you were heavily pregnant?

84 replies

ThomCat · 29/11/2005 13:29

If you were me and currently 37 weeks pregant, still working, at least up to the end of this week, had a 4 year old with special needs, and was still doing pretty much everything round the house. You'd done all the Xmas shopping and wrapped pressies, you'd bought your DD's birthday present s and wrapped them too, you had organised the nursery to have the carpets cleaned etc, you were helping to choose a new car and going through the disability mobility route, making appts for your daughter to see speech therapists etc, did all the food shopping, cooked most nights, did 80% of the child care, got up on Saturday and Sunday morning leaving your DH in bed etc (you get the gist!)

What would you say to your DP/DH to make him really sit up and start really pulling his weight, treating you like a Goddess and doing all he could to make you feel loved, cherished, rested etc etc?

And if he said to you while he was online and you were watching TV 'Can you blow your nose or something, you're breathing really loudly', and the reason you were breathing loudly was becasue you couldn't really breathe due to being horribly congested and blocked up since earlyish pregnancy - what would you say?

Just purely conversational!

OP posts:
princesspeahead · 30/11/2005 11:25

but nursery shopping is FUN!
So do the fun stuff... and then go to bed and let dh do the rest

ThomCat · 30/11/2005 11:55

Maybe in your world it's fun. But Ikea for a wardrobe and a chest of drawers is hardly fun! LOL, but I know what you mean!

OP posts:
Bozza · 30/11/2005 12:03

You do know that you really don't need a nursery wardrobe don't you? Babygros really don't need coathangers. But if it makes you happier and you can cope go for it!

elliott · 30/11/2005 12:09

PPH did I just hear you're 32 weeks? And this would be no 4, right? Gosh, I have got out of touch (you were having no 3 a few months before my no 2 iirc...)

ThomCat · 30/11/2005 12:16

Bozza - have to have a wardrobe for folding the babygro's in to and the blankets and the booties, and the snowsuits and the hats and mittens and, and, and.

Need a wardrobe. LOL - yopu sound like my DP!

OP posts:
Bozza · 30/11/2005 12:29

Was just thinking that it wasn't an essential if you weren't up to it - thats all. But I know its part of nesting to get the nursery just so. Then 2-3 weeks down the line all the babygros and vests are to be found in the dirty laundry basket or clean laundry basket or dryer or airer. Actually I think wardrobes are much more important for girl's clothes than boy's clothes but seem to be straying off topic slightly.

crunchie · 30/11/2005 12:40

TC Firstly thank you for the email

Secondly like pph, you sound like me. A bit of a control freak with things like this. It is all part and parcel of wanting to appear perfect/brilliant/coping with life etc. I am the sort of person who takes something extra on, when I really don't need to (Forinstance I have to make 3 x salt dough at some point before Sunday for SOMEONE elses party!)

My problem with dh is that I DO BELEIVE I can do it better It has taken him a number of years to tell me I think this way, countless times, as yes everything does have to be done MY WAY In fact I moaned at him the other day about wher he put spoons He'd emptyed the dishwasher, and put them away in the drawer - not in the big wooden spoon jar So I made a sarky comment and he came back to me with another one

He is usually pretty good (well he is getting better) but I know I spent our first 10 years telling him off if he did something (eg went shopping but bought the wrong yoghurt!) Instead of saying thanks for the shopping No wonder he felt he couldn't do anything right, so he didn't do anything at all.

It is as mich training ME to accept his standards as training him to work to mine IYKWIM

Good luck

ThomCat · 30/11/2005 13:31

I know you were Bozza - and bless ya! Just gotta have it just so up there ready for baby to arrive. Even though it really doesn't matter nad he or she will bein a moses basket in with us! You know how it is

Thanks Crunchie, xx

OP posts:
Bozza · 30/11/2005 14:15

Sorry TC . I'm obviously taking myself too seriously. I am actually a bit overworked myself partly because I am doing what Crunchie describes so well and partly because I have had a bad cough for the last week and sleeping on the settee so have not been fit to get anything done of an evening.

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