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Original poster

Holiday's without the kids- could/do you do this ?

81 replies

Mummyvicky · 28/11/2005 15:26

Quite a few of my friends think nothing of leaving their children with inlaws/parents while they have long weekends and even weeks away on holiday as just the two of them.
I said to them I could never do it, and the kids being there would make my holiday better, and they all insisted I was too "clingy" and that they need time away from the kids to survive!!! They are a mixture of working and sah mums...is this true ?
I was the odd one out at playgroup, and starting to feel I'm abnormal not wanting to leave my children for a dirty weekend/holiday !!

Im just interested to gauge people's thoughts on this.... ( please tell me I'm not a freak!!!)

OP posts:

compo · 28/11/2005 15:28

I don't particularly want to go away with dh just the two of us, but I regularly leave ds with him to go on girly weekends

Hulababy · 28/11/2005 15:29

I would not want to do a week away, or a proper holiday without DD. For us, going on holiday as a family is what makes it a holiday.

Now DD is older though I am more willing to consider having the odd night away with DH, for us to have some time alone together and have a bit of a romantic break.

However I have manged 3.5y without a night away (first one was last month), as has DH and we are perfectly happy, surviving and actually thriving on being parents. We just haven't had the need to stay away I guess - most of our social stuff is quite local, or involves DD when we visit friends/family away.

Fimbo · 28/11/2005 15:29

I don't, nor do I go on holidays with kids clubs - whats the point in dh having two weeks off then never seeing them? I don't do going on holiday with friends/relatives either. But maybe I am odd too!

hunkermunker · 28/11/2005 15:32

It's up to you. There's no right or wrong, IMO.

I won a weekend away to a gorgeous hotel with dinner and theatre tickets - now, I love my DS with all my heart, but there's no way him being there would have made that weekend a better holiday

So he stayed with my mum and dad and DH and I went and had a lovely two nights away. DS was 17mo at the time and he had loads of fun with his grandparents.

serenity · 28/11/2005 15:34

I've never done it myself, or at least not me and DH. I was away for one night for a girly weekend in October and I'm going to Spain for a long weekend with my sister next year, but that's leaving them with DH. The only reason I have done it is because I was in hospital earlier this year, and they survived without me! My kids are 7, 5 and 2 btw.

I am considering booking a weekend away with DH for our 20th anniversary in two years time, but that's a special occasion. I can understand why people go away without them, but tbh I enjoy going away with mine!

So, no, you're not a freak!

Shazzler · 28/11/2005 15:36

I have gone with DH when he was working. Left DS with granparents. He had fun and I actually enjoyed working with DH and spending some time with him alone at night.

We are planning to have a weekend away soon (we now have 2 kids). (I say planning - we've been meaning to do it since our anniversary in June .) I know our kids are fine with grandparents and know that we need some time together. My DH had depression last year and I suffered a little bit so feel that it is a good thing for us.

I sometimes wish I didn't feel the need for a break but I know it does me good as I can get very stressed and take it out on the kids.

Hulababy · 28/11/2005 15:37

Fimbo - don't do kid's clubs either!

Mind you, we have done some, not all, holidays with family both before and since having DD. Was crucial for Disney - for the baby switch. We don't leave DD with parents particularly though.

Mum2Ela · 28/11/2005 15:46

I don't feel particularly that I need a holiday / break from DD and DS but when DH booked for us to go to Barcelona in July for our 2nd wedding anniversary (and sorted childcare) I was hardly going to say no! If that was to be our only hoiday this year then obviously it would have been a different story, but DS was 1 a couple of weeks ago and he has been abroad 3 times already, and we are in Cyprus for New Year, so the children don't do too badly.

Saying that, DH and I went to Amsterdam when DD was 5 months old and left her for the weekend with the in-laws and I cried all weekend. I wasn't ready to leave her. I still wasn't ready to leave her a yeard later when I booked for DH and I to go to New York for Valentines weekend (we ended up taking DD with us!).

So, to sum up, nope, don't think you are too clingy. In my case there are things I want to do / places I want to see / restaurants I want to eat in that sometimes don't involve the children.

highlander · 28/11/2005 18:49

personally, I can't wait until DS can go to his cousins so that I can have a drunken orgy with DH

Then again, he's 15mo and still not sleeping through so I may have along wait

vickiyumyum · 28/11/2005 19:00

we always have at least one weekend away a year. just me and dh, leaving the kids with my mum for one or two nights, don't think i would like to leave them for longer, although saying that it is our tenth anniversary next year and we are considering having a long haul holiday away for a week somewher exotic and not kid friendly so would leave the 2 ds with my mum again.

if you want to always holiday with your kids then that is fine too, but personally i feel it odes all of us some good to have time away from each other. me and ds1 are off to new york on the 18th december, and dh and ds2 will have some bonding time together. (my mum and best friend and her sister are coming too)

roisin · 28/11/2005 19:38

I love having special time with dh without the kids. We enjoy our holidays all together, but when we've had the chance we've also enjoyed our breaks away without the kids.

As adults we would choose to spend our time differently if we didn't have the boys with us. It's nice from time to time to indulge those tastes.

Last year for example we took the boys to Paris: it was fabulous! They enjoyed visiting with us many of my faves: the Louvre, the Musee d'Orsay, the Pompidou Centre, Sacre Coeur, Notredame, etc., etc. But I would have preferred to spend a whole day in the Musee d'Orsay, but at 5 and 7, I thought they did very well to manage 3 hrs there. But that doesn't stop me wanting to go again without them and spend the whole day there.

hermykne · 28/11/2005 19:41

i would find it very hard to leave them more than 2 nights, did it for the first time this august gone.
i would be worried that day 3 they would start to fret and "babysitter" would get stressed etc etc and i'd e on a phone, worried.
mine are 3 and 16mths, so maybe a little young for me.
one night away would be fine.
love to do it but happy to wait another few years

hunkermunker · 28/11/2005 19:42

MV, your original post says that your friends "think nothing" of leaving their children to go away.

Then you say you could "never do it" and that your children "make your holiday better".

You also say you're shocked by them needing time away from the children.

No, you're not abnormal for not wanting to leave yours - but perhaps the way you went about saying you couldn't leave them made them wonder if you were judging their choice? Different people do things differently - there are loads of people on here who wouldn't leave their children, and loads who would. Neither's right or wrong - it's about balance, IMO.

ScummyMummy · 28/11/2005 19:45

I'm alright as long as I can get back to them within a couple of hours if need be. So would definitely go to Paris for a weekend without them but not to Sydney. Plus have become scared of flying for some reason so will be avoiding Sydney anyway until I'm cured.

ThomCat · 28/11/2005 19:50

I wouldn't want a week away from Lotbags, i'd pine for her and my main holiday would always be a family holiday; but yes would do a weekend, and have done. We went for a mad party/shopping trip to NYC this Jan just gone, went for 4 days. I missed her but not as much as I thought I would, I was too busy. It was great coming back to her and she'd had a lovely long weekend as had her grandparernts.

It's not wrong to not want to leave your kids but there is nothing wrong with wanting some you time and some your and DH/DP time, without kids. Different strokes for different folks.

ScummyMummy · 28/11/2005 20:05

Yes, haven't left mine longer than a long weekend yet, either, tc.

lockets · 28/11/2005 20:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

LoveMyGirls · 28/11/2005 20:11

i love my kids to bits but sometimes i need a rest and i think that me and dp are better parents for the breaks we get sometimes, our dd1 often stays with her grandparents for the odd night, occasionally we have been away for a couple of nights i always think that we get a break and come back refreshed also dd1 gets some quality time with her grandparents and she really enjoys being spoilt they also appreciate being able to spend time with her.

LoveMyGirls · 28/11/2005 20:17

forgot to add i think it depends on the ages of the children, though personally i have always felt comfortable leaving my dd (now 6) with her grandparents overnight from a very young age - i think if they managed to raise me and my siblings im sure they can cope with one of mine but i wouldnt leave her overnight with anyone else. i've just had another dd (now 8weeks) and she has already stayed at her grandparents overnight when she was about 3/4weeks old and she will be staying there again when i go out for my birthday in 4 weeks. i trust them completely my mum is a nurse and dp's parents are both police officers so i couldnt be leaving my kids in better hands i dont think

paolosgirl · 28/11/2005 20:24

I like going away for a weekend with dh, but we're not able to that often, as MIL and FIL are unable to help, and my parents live too far away.

I could never, ever contemplate more than a couple of nights without the kids. Our family holidays are for the 4 of us, definitely.

I actually question the strength of some couples relationships if they feel they can only survive if they have regular long holidays together.

Passionflowerinapeartree · 28/11/2005 20:46

We've done weekends away together, and I've left the girls with DH for a week while away with DM. We'd go away for up to a week, but only as well as family holidays, not instead of IYSWIM. DD's have a whale of a time with DM, who loves it as she works full time and want's to spend more time with her grandchildren. When I was a child I used to love holidays at my gran's.

motherinferior · 28/11/2005 20:50

I don't have the option. I do leave them with their father to go away to see friends and that's utterly blissful. I imagine that he and I may perchance get away together for a night some time in the next decade.

expatinscotland · 28/11/2005 20:52

I would do it in a heartbeat. My parents have reglarly taken my sister's two daughters for time periods from a couple of days to an entire fortnight (they're now 11 and 8). I'm SO jealous! These holidays are great for recharging their batteries, and their marriage.

Plus, the kids get a break and spoiled w/i an inch of their lives.

mckenzie · 28/11/2005 21:00

I would and indeed I am! DH is taking me to Ny for some per-christmas shopping and we're leaving DS and DD with grandparents.

I agree that there is no right or wrong answer, we all do what works for us and we all have our own limitations.

inameeting · 28/11/2005 21:19

I would, but ds doesn't have any grandparents who would be able to look after him. He's only 5 months so we're no where near ready to leave him yet, but I have no idea where we would leave him if we ever wanted to go away on our own in the future. Guess it's just not going to happen.

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