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Original poster

Holiday's without the kids- could/do you do this ?

81 replies

Mummyvicky · 28/11/2005 15:26

Quite a few of my friends think nothing of leaving their children with inlaws/parents while they have long weekends and even weeks away on holiday as just the two of them.
I said to them I could never do it, and the kids being there would make my holiday better, and they all insisted I was too "clingy" and that they need time away from the kids to survive!!! They are a mixture of working and sah mums...is this true ?
I was the odd one out at playgroup, and starting to feel I'm abnormal not wanting to leave my children for a dirty weekend/holiday !!

Im just interested to gauge people's thoughts on this.... ( please tell me I'm not a freak!!!)

OP posts:
nooka · 28/11/2005 22:29

It's nice to see that people, in general, can cope with the concept that different people live their lives differently and have different needs. Sad that some don't. What right has anyone to question the strength of anyone's relationship on the basis of how they chose to holiday? Having watched my marriage fall apart I am acutely aware that things can change over a very short period of time. No one should be smug about the way they live their life in my opinion. My parents had a "honeymoon" every year for about 10 days. They went alpine walking, something that we would have hated! We stayed with grandparents, of my mother arranged for a friend to come and look after us. I remember loving it, and I think we all enjoyed the break. They recently celebrated their ruby anniversary. Unfortunately when dh and I tried it was a disaster. Not because the kids or my parents (with whom they were staying) had a bad time, but because it really showed up the cracks in dh's and my relationship. However I went on holiday my own last year (white water rafting) and thoroughly enjoyed it. In a few years the children will be able to share some of the adult things I enjoy, but at 5 and 6 (4 & 5 then) a week in the country with their grandparents was a much better prospect than a week in the wilderness with me.

Flum · 28/11/2005 22:36

I think both are good. We do both if we can. But my B & SIL never want to do anything without their DD even go out for dinner! My SIL just looks baffled when my mum suggests it ie, why would we want to go anywhere just as a couple. She is Japanese though.

Tortington · 28/11/2005 23:06

i'd be off without a second thought

sparklymieow · 28/11/2005 23:14

Last year my parents had the kids while me and DH went to Bultins for a weekend, and this year my parents had my girls and MIL had DS so we could go away with a group of friends for the weekend, its no biggie and we come home all relaxed The kids enjoy being with their grandparents and we get to get drunk without worrying about the kids.

elastamum · 28/11/2005 23:17

I think it is a personal choice. We usually leave the kids with grandparents a couple of weekends a year to have some grown up time. We have also been to the US twice on business without them (we run our own company together). Both kids and granparents have a great time and spend ages planning 'their' holidays together. We always speak to them a couple of times a day to hear of their latest adventure and everyone comes home happy.

JingEllBells · 28/11/2005 23:45

No, you're not a freak.

I wouldn't go away on holiday without my kids. But it would be because I have more fun with them there than without them. Because I want to spend time with them. Not because I can't bear to be apart from them.

Have been away twice (in 5 years) with dh - for one night each time - and left dds. It was nice in some ways to spend some more time with dh... but I wouldn't have wanted to be away longer, and guess what (who) we wpent our whole time talking about???? TBH I'd prefer to have a regular evening out with dh, go for a meal, see a film, whatever... but to come home to the kids at the end of it.

OTOH, I do work full-time and have also been away occasionally for conferences and what-not leaving the dds with dh (occasionally = perhaps once a year, perhaps a bit less). I might feel differently if I was with them 24/7 in the normal run of things, I suppose. For me my time with them is precious.

LoveMyGirls · 29/11/2005 09:22

my dd1 is going away with her grandparents to greece for two weeks next year when she will be 7 (she has never been abroad before as we cant afford to take her) i will miss her so much no doubt there will be tears but my dd is really looking forward to it i wish i could go with them but its not an option when i thought about it i decided missing her and wanting to be the first person who took her on a plane wasn't enough to make her miss out, especially as i really trust her grandparents - and they are excited too.

Enid · 29/11/2005 09:28

have done five days and it was a bit too long (dd1 was 2.5). since then have done a long weekend in Paris with dh but without either dd and it was amazing I would do it every year if I could.

dont like the idea of kids clubs on holiday either but thats a different thread.

Enid · 29/11/2005 09:29

but I have friends who work abroad a lot and they are often seperated from their kids for a week or more with seemingly no ill effects, does that count or is a jolly different??

HRHWickedwaterwitch · 29/11/2005 09:31

I'd be perfectly happy to leave my children for a long weekend with dp, absolutely. I proably wouldn't go for much longer though. And I wouldn't go atm as I am working away all week until the end of January.

NomDePlume · 29/11/2005 09:38

Long weekends, yes, DH and I have been away for 4 days without DD. I don't think I'd cope very well away for a week though. DD (3y4m) would start to fret after 5 days or so too.

SackAche · 29/11/2005 09:41

MummyVicky - DH and I went to Dublin for a weekend 4 weeks ago. It was the 1st time we had ever been away alone. The kids (ds 4,5 and dd 16mths) stayed with DH's parents. Even though it was only 2 nights we missed them like mad and were so excited to get home to see them!

I'd do it again just for the lie-in!.... but not for longer than a couple of nights.

madmarchhare · 29/11/2005 15:27

I would seriously crack up if I didnt have time away now and then. Ive been with the girls and with DH.

The first time DS was 11 months and the last time was two weeks ago, for 4 nights (DS 2 on Sunday).

I dont feel guilty. I love it. I need it.

handlemecarefully · 29/11/2005 15:30

I have done this under duress and not enjoyed it (children were constantly at the back of my mine, and I worried about them neurotically), ds was under one at the time and dd was two years old. Went to Rome for 4 nights.

I think I'll feel differently when they are older.

handlemecarefully · 29/11/2005 15:32

In the mean time I am very lucky in that SIL (childless) babysits for me roughly fortnightly, so dh and I have fairly regular nights out as a couple which helps delude us into thinking that we have a life!

Original poster
Mummyvicky · 29/11/2005 15:40

Thanks for the replies everyone, really interesting!! Definatly about balance and tolerances I think.
I'm spending my first night away from the children this Saturday for dh's xmas works dinner.Dropping them off 3pm and collecting them 11am Sunday.
I think its something that gets easier each time, Who knows- after this saturday I might be a convert !!
I just know come Saturday night, when my boobs get all engorged from lack of feeding, Im going to get tearful and want to go home !!

OP posts:
polly28 · 29/11/2005 15:50

the thought of a week or two away sounds great but I'd probably fret about ds who is only three.On the other hand my dd is 14 and would love it if me and dh would piss off for a fortnight lol!

Could definately do with a night or two away at the moment.

handlemecarefully · 29/11/2005 16:02

Mummyvicky - I think you'll be fine with just one night. It's longer than that which gets tricky imo

bourneville · 29/11/2005 16:04

Haven't time to read all of thread just now but will do cos often wondered this myself. I am a single mum with a boyf, dd is 2.3. It is very important that boyf and I get time alone together, and I often wonder if two parent families don't place enough important on their couple time themselves actually... dd has stayed overnight (without me I mean) at my parents' 2 or 3 times so far, eg last New Year's Eve, and we are planning to spend the whole weekend away soon, but still only for 1 night just now. I have a real complex about asking anyone for help, which is why I won't ask for longer than that just now, but I really do hope I will be able to ask for longer in the future, though prob not longer than a few nights.

But we are considering going on a holiday which has kiddy clubs/creches/babysitting etc but only so we can get a bit of time to ourselves during the holiday. This summer we went away with a bunch of friends but actually found it stressful arranging babysitting for time to ourselves, and decided we would prob actually be happier away just the 3 of us! (Although there were strange dynamics in the group, which may have had something to do with the stres....so perhaps we should try it again with just close friends!)

tortoiseshell · 29/11/2005 16:12

I'm desperate for a weekend away - have had 2 separate nights away since ds was born (4 1/2 years ago), each time staying with a friend, and LOVED it - somehow slept better KNOWING I wasn't going to be jumped on in the middle of the night! Would absolutely absolutely love a weekend away with dh - we have so little time during the week and we're both SO tired, that would be gorgeous to have some enforced child-free time. Our parents are both hundreds of miles away, so most of the time it's pretty full-on children during the week. Am hoping to persuade my mother to come down for a couple of nights before number 3 is born so we can have a nice break in a hotel! Keep fingers crossed.

hatstand · 29/11/2005 16:58

we've done plenty of weekends where one of us has gone away; we've had the occasional weekend at home without the dds who've gone to fils; we've done a night away - usually at a non kid-friendly wedding; never done a holiday nor would I. I would feel very guilty about having fun without them. (which is not meant as critical of those that do - just a statement of fact for me) I think possibly when they are quite a lot older and can stay with their cousins for a week in the summer we might use the time to do something but tbh I doubt it - the older they get the more likely our holiday criteria are going to converge (can't wait to go cycling and walking with them). So I doubt it.

hatstand · 29/11/2005 17:00

tortoiseshell - do you work? If so I really recommend taking a days leave, using your normal childcare arrangements and spending a lovely lazy day with your dh, have a nice lunch, go to the cinema, whatever. Not the same as a weekend I know, but very refreshing.

Feistybird · 29/11/2005 17:02

I could've predicted the answer from Custy and knew I could echo MI's response.....

moondog · 29/11/2005 17:03

Before we had children,had my sister's four over (from France) all the time.
Even took two of them with me to a summer camp in the States.

Actually,they still come over w/out their parents.
I'll be having the 10 and 6 year olds for three weeks next Summer.

What an aunt eh????

bourneville · 29/11/2005 18:51

Back home now and have read whole thread... Can I ask, does anyone else have the same problem I do asking for help? I do very well for babysitters, go out once or twice a month for the evening (I have wonderful friends/sister who sometimes stay over so I don't have to worry about getting back late! ), and as I said my parents have had dd a couple of times overnight, and parents & sister have had her during the day a few times too. But I just really HATE asking. I wish people would offer more often. Even my parents don't offer. I feel as if I'm burdening people. I don't know what my problem is, I think all my friends & family would say they would love to spend time with dd!