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Original poster

Holiday's without the kids- could/do you do this ?

81 replies

Mummyvicky · 28/11/2005 15:26

Quite a few of my friends think nothing of leaving their children with inlaws/parents while they have long weekends and even weeks away on holiday as just the two of them.
I said to them I could never do it, and the kids being there would make my holiday better, and they all insisted I was too "clingy" and that they need time away from the kids to survive!!! They are a mixture of working and sah mums...is this true ?
I was the odd one out at playgroup, and starting to feel I'm abnormal not wanting to leave my children for a dirty weekend/holiday !!

Im just interested to gauge people's thoughts on this.... ( please tell me I'm not a freak!!!)

OP posts:
baka · 29/11/2005 20:14

We can't have family holidays anymore (ds1 can't cope with being away). We try to take ds2 and ds3 away for a week each year (locally so we're on hand if needed) whilst mum and dad look after ds1. Once a year we have a weekend away (started last year) and mum and dad have the 3 kids. At some stage mum ansd dad will be unable to cope with ds1 and then we'll have to start arranging overnight respite. He's 6 now and I reckon we need to think about it when he's 10ish. Fills me with dread, but will have to be done- for us and the younger 2.

notasheep · 29/11/2005 20:49

Have had 3 weekends away with boyfriend,go away more by myself to stay with girlfriends and actually get some free time

troublesmummy · 29/11/2005 20:52

I don't do it because i can't afford to, but if i could, i'd happily go away for the weekend with dp. I know ds would be extremely happy (and spoilt) with my mum. As for a week or so away, probably not. I am getting married next year, and dp and myself are going away for 2 weeks. The first week on our own, the second my mum is flying out with ds. But that is a special occasion though

zaphod · 29/11/2005 21:18

My friend took all (5) of mine last month and dh and I went away for the week-end. It was bloody great, however leaving that many children is a HUGE burden to place on anyone, so I don't suppose we will be doing it again for a good long while. Years probably.

nooka · 29/11/2005 21:48

OK - here is another perspective. My parents regularly have my sister's two SN children for a couple of weeks in the summer, whilst they have a family holiday with their NT son. My parents usually have a helper, and I have often stayed with them at the same time with my two (sans dh). It works well for everyone, and is looked forward to for months by the children. I think it is a great way for children to develop significant relationships with other adult family/friends. I know that my children behave differently with my parents when I am not there, and my parents really enjoy having them. They won't be around forever, and I want my kids to have the same sort of memories of spending time with my parents as I have of my grandparents. It is easier when you know that your children are old enough to let other people know exactly what they want though (and after you have checked your parents really can cope with them!)

paolosgirl · 29/11/2005 21:50

It is great for kids to get to know their relatives, but sadly not everyone can do this. My FIL is in the advanced stages of Parkinsons, and they are unable to take our 2. My parents live too far away to do much more than the odd weekend.

handlemecarefully · 29/11/2005 22:41

Yep that's true - its no longer appropriate to ask my parents to look after mine either. Mum is a not especially healthy 72 years old with leaking heart valves and enlarged heart...it really wouldn't be fair to foist a toddler and pre-schooler on her!

zippy539 · 29/11/2005 23:07

I booked a surprise two night trip for dh's birthday this year (ds 4, dd 2). When I gave him his 'present' he was horrified! Said he couldn't leave the kids etc. etc. Finally won him round (after much huffing and puffing from me) only to find myself bawling the day we left - I felt so guilty and knew I would miss ds and dd terribly.

The awful thing is, that as soon as we got on the plane, we totally forgot about the kids . We had a brilliant time and it did our relationship the world of good - it was like the good old days except with stretch marks! DD and DS had a great time with Granny and Grandad and were only bothered that we brought them back some presents.

For us, that trip was invaluable. We were lucky enough to have people to babysit but I can honestly say that our relationship really, really improved as a result of having 48 hours together without the children (first time in 4 years). Despite all my doubts (and dh's,) I can honestly say I would do it again at the drop of a hat - AS LONG as we could still afford to have a family holiday together as well. But personally, I couldn't do more than two nights and couldn't bring myself to leave dd before she was two.

You've got to do what's right for you and your family - but, if you've got the childcare, there's no harm in giving it a shot - even for a single night.

moondog · 29/11/2005 23:10

'like the good old days with stretch marks' Lol!!!

zippy539 · 29/11/2005 23:16

bourneville - totally agree about asking for 'help'. I hate it - it brings me out in a rash! (even asking my parents who love to spend time with dd/ds ...)

zippy539 · 29/11/2005 23:18

moondog - sad but true!

CaptainDippy · 30/11/2005 10:49

Would love to go away with DH - even just for a night, let alone a whole week!!! Unfortunately, no cash and no willing volunteers for my 2 DD's - Anyone else feel the same out there????????

tiredemma · 30/11/2005 11:00

i dont mind leaving them for a weekend but no longer than that. Id never consider going on a foreign holiday without them, part of my excitement of going on holiday is seeing how excited the boys are.

dp's sister and her prat of a partner have a beautiful 2 year old girl who was born 10 weeks premature and was in hospital for ages, they have never taken her anywhere , yet they are always off on holidays. makes me so angry

NewBethlehemGirlwithsparkles · 30/11/2005 11:14

We've just agreed to go away next April, snowboarding in Austria.

My BIL and SIL are teachers at a secondary school and every year they have a skiing trip abroad. We've been offered a place each but obviously, because it's with a school trip we can't take dd.

I'm a bit upset about it but on the other hand it's a fantastic trip for a bargain price and even if we took dd she would only be stuck in one of those kids clubs anyway as she's too young to be out on the snow.

Had it been different circumstances I wouldn't leave dd. Family holidays are exactly that, to be with your family.

kitegirl · 30/11/2005 11:23

cool cool NBGWS! we are also going snowboarding in January and leaving ds with MIL for A WEEK - yikes! We've done the odd night without him but up until now I didn't dream going away without him (now that I am a SAHM having some time away does not feel so horrible, funny that...), however I think it'll be great for his granny to be able to spend time with him, she's been gagging to do it for ages but we didn't think ds was old enough until now. I'm sure I'll miss him and it will feel weird but I know he will be well looked after. Whatever works for you I think, some of my friends would not leave their child even for an evening with a babysitter and some happily bugger off for a 2 week holiday every summer... I think maybe there's a happy medium

NewBethlehemGirlwithsparkles · 30/11/2005 11:32

I can't wait, I'm sooo excited

Pagan · 30/11/2005 22:48

I would love to but have no-one really to look after them. I wouldn't leave them for a week unless some fairy godmother offered but I'd love to leave them overnight somewhere just so me and DH could have a nice weekend to ourselves for the first time in 3 years. They are only 10 months and just over 2 though so hard work for anyone. I would still always have family holidays too though.

dizzy34 · 30/11/2005 23:40

Hi, me and my dh go away regulary for the night or for the weekend (about 3-4 times per year). We love it. We spend time talking to each other and enjoying each others company, and of course being able to indulge in sex when ever we want without the fear of kids walking in etc is fab. we also try to go luxury and spoil our selves. Last time we were only 30 miles from home, but had a superior room with spa bath etc. I have had a week away without them but didnt enjoy that and wouldnt repeat it.

swedishmum · 30/11/2005 23:52

I've been away a few times for a couple of days with dh - New York, Barcelona, Prague, Sardinia, Venice, Msdrid, Dubai, London.... actually looks bad when I write it down! Most times are when dh is working and I'm lucky to have 2 sets of grandparents close at hand. Now we have a baby again it's harder - the 11,10 and 9 year olds don't take much looking after. I'd never choose a holiday with dh not kids though - that always comes first. Due to his travel for work we are lucky enough to get air miles/ hotel points etc. We never do kids' clubs either - I love going on holiday with the kids.

thecattleareALOHing · 30/11/2005 23:53

Yes, when they are a bit older would LOVE to. Can't imagine it happening though as have nobody to look after them.

bloss · 01/12/2005 03:03

Message withdrawn

Pagan · 01/12/2005 10:14

You're spot on Bloss about very young kids. What is a holiday anyway? - A break from the norm. So if you go on holiday with very young kids it's not really a break from the norm is it - it's just a change of scenery. For me being a SAHM, the holidays we have with the kids just now, whilst nice, are not really a great holiday for me. In some ways it could be harder work coz you don't have everything to hand like you would back home (now I'm really starting to sound miserable )

When DD was 8 months we went to Majorca and it was just a hassle, neither of us really enjoying it that much. Later that year we went to Argyll and had a fab time, all 3 of us because it was just easier somehow.

This year we bought a caravan and have had two lovely holidays in it so far and I know when the kids are older they'll love it even more. But for me, certainly a real proper holiday right now would be not having to get up during the night to feed a crying baby, not having to think 20 steps ahead of the present all the time, having time with my DH alone. A short break would suffice but still a long way off I fear

riab · 01/12/2005 13:04

I don't see why Wanting to have alone 'adult' time with my partner so we can talk/eat out/have sex/ go surfing etc (all things that brought us together) says that we dont' have a strong relationship. FO rme the oppostie is true, I think we have just as much duty to ourselves and to our partners to maintian that relationhsip. I am not JUST a parent, I have my own needs and I also have a relationship based on mutual attractition, liking and support with my husband. DS has spent time with his granparents on a regular basis since he was born (he's now 8 months old). HT elongest I've had without him is 3 days and 2 nights when DH took him to visit his grandparents, the longest he's sotpped at his GP's without either me or his dad is 2 nights. Its unlikley to be more than 2 or 3 nights until he is about 2 yrs old but then I fully intend for him to spend a week every summer with his GP's in the country once he is older while me and his dad take a day or two off work and catch up.

But then I've never been the kind of person who gets homesick or who has to spend their holidays with other people - family, partner or children.

doormat · 01/12/2005 13:10

I was like this, the thought of leaving my kids alone was just shock/horror
until recently
dh and I have had a lot of medical probs this year and last week before my op I collared my parents and mil and asked them to mind the kids next year
as dh is taking me for a romantic weekend in paris in march next year
I dont feel guilty at all as I think we need this time on our own
but I will still probably worry my head off though

whitecloud · 01/12/2005 13:48

MummyVicky - I don't think it's strange at all. It very much depends on your circumstances. I am an older mother, so it was harder to leave my dd with parents when she was little. Also, because of a medical problem we couldn't really leave her (she is fine now !). I personally would have felt terrible if she had needed me when she was little and I wasn't there. I found the emotional tie so strong that I don't think I would have enjoyed a holiday without her. I even found Brownie camp for three days when she was 7 tough !! I wanted to wait until she was older and more independent. She is now 10 and I think going away happens naturally then because they have sleepovers etc and eventually you must feel you can go away for a special anniversary etc. I reckon it was harder to leave her when she was little, anyway, because she's an only child and felt left out !! It's a very personal thing. I also find it sad that people have children and then can't even cope with a family holiday with them. All too soon they'll be grown up and gone. Do what is right for you. If you aren't comfortable with it you won't have a good time anyway and might as well save the money until they are older !