Why are men so inconsiderate

[Mum2boy]

I put ds down for a nap this afternoon and I wanted him to have a decent sleep, because he hasn't been sleeping all that well the last few nights and I knew he was tired. Anyway he'd been asleep for about 1/2 an hour when dh came home at around 1.00pm, and much to my irritation he went around the house making just about every conceivable noise, even though he knew ds was asleep. I didn't say anything for a minute and then when he started to get louder, I asked him if he could try to be a bit more quiet - which I thought was reasonable - and he started shouting at me right outside ds' bedroom, saying "I'M NOT GOING TO GO AROUND IN SILENCE JUST BECAUSE HE'S ASLEEP, WHY SHOULD I HAVE TO BE QUIET IN MY OWN HOUSE" etc etc etc. I was so furious that he had yelled at me right outside ds' room, let alone that he didn't give a crp about waking ds up, that I called him a selfish d*khead and stormed out of the house for a couple of hours. Not the nicest thing in the world to say, but I cannot understand why he can't keep the noise down for 1 HOUR out of his entire day - I mean he doesn't even try. I just feel he's being so inconsiderate, after all it's me who would have to deal with ds being tired & cranky if he got woken up. I do just about everything for ds & if I want any help from dh, I have to ask for it.

Can anyone understand my feeling about this or is it really too much to ask? Perhaps if dh had to spend as much time taking care of ds as I do, he might think differently about what he does. I just can't stand men sometimes...

Anything referring to the demo - ask Fathers-4-Justice - not me - I'm nothing to do with it.

Message withdrawn

We've both taken days off for our daughters birthday, to be with her, not spend on the golf course etc - is there a misunderstanding here? I took a day off so she didn't have to spend her birthday at nursery, DP took it off because he wanted to be a part of her special day.

Thank you Tom for making exactly what your site is clear.Mumsnet may in theory be for parents but is listed as for mothers and that is prob where confussion comes in.I know that you may think I'm being foolish but whith what you said on here I just thought it was a valid point as your orig post on this topic was rather rudely worded.I think if you had put it in a more polite manner then I would not have said anything.I actually checked out your website so that I could tell my partner what it was like not to find fault.If you had made it clear origionaly that the site had some major political aspect I honestly would not have visited it as the thing that I like about mumsnet is the freedom to speak about anything nad the non political view of the site.I have only found one aspect of mumsnet upsetting and thats their view of home education as it is seriously unreasearched and incorrect.
I honestly believe that my point about your posts and the fathers website are valid.

I do spend birthdays with my kids as I am at home with them all day anyway, but it seems like its not a very good reason to have a day off work - you can always have the party at the weekend cant you? I'd reather my dh helped out more at home than took a day off on our sons birthday - he'd only spend it laying on the sofa playing playstation anyway!! (my dh not my son).

Totally agree with you twinkie,

I remember simon howard getting all pos support from here and he was in a position similar to many women on here.

I think mumsnet is very supportive regardless of gender.

Twinkie - can I just say for the third time I'm not involved in the protests? My focus is more on expectant/new dads.

I'm sure that dads wanting to know how support their partners through pregnancy would get a great response on here, but they don't come - only a very few of us have done, and frankly, I think today may be the last day I post - it's all too fraught really.

Fathers Direct gets over 100,000 page hits a month from mostly dads looking for information. Many dads don't want to post on a forum, they just want to browse articles addressed to them.

We communicate to fathers, and we have a wide audience. We don't have a very active forum because that's not necessarily where men want to get their info from. I disagree that mumsnet is the best place for dads to get info from, sorry. We're far more effective at it.

Tom like I have posted to you 3 times and you have not responded once.

Message withdrawn

I am refering more than anything to the way certain titles are written as their is a lot of titles that seem orientated to look as though the rights of men are totally ignored.Maybe I'm lucky but my partner works for a company which judges on the workers not their gender.I believe that some of the titles just aren't well thought out as for me a title should have some form of explanation as to what you are about to read.
If politacally driven surely a parenting website aimed at parents as a whole would in reality be the best answer for everyone as all confusion(and maybe a lot of what has been said or seen to be implied by all of us is a case of not understanding)could be done away with.
In truth parents should be dealt with as a whole not as gender groups wether it's in the courts or otherwise I believe that we can all agree that this is how it should be.

doormat - where have you posted to?

Twinkie - I am networks manager of fathers direct. I run the technical side of the website, but my main job is developing international, national and regional networks of practitioners, researchers and policy workers.

singingmum - PLEASE be specific so I can address the issue.

If you mean the forum, then these are posted by users, not by us, but PLEASE be specific - it's impossible to respond to general impressions.

on this thread in the last hour.

AS for general parenting websites - there are loads, but they generally fail to appreaciate that men and women have different experiences of parenting, and information needs are different (or do people think that men and women have exactly the same experiences?????)

Message withdrawn

doormat - sorry - i didn't pick up on anything specific to respond to - but i think your comments were very sensible - and I do hope the demo will represent the views of women excluded from their children's lives - I am aware that it will also involve alot of grandparents who are are excluded - when a parent is, their parents almost inevitably are as well.

Thats not fair tom.
If it wasnt for you I would not of been able to tell my dh about fathers direct.

Twinkie - but who is best at communicating to expectant men? Other men who have been in that situation.

oh - look - I've really got to do some work! I'm running a conference for early years workers in Totnes on Monday and I've got to get my shit together! No more from me today folks.

Sorry posts crossed, that would not be fair if this was your last visit.
My dh joined fathers direct when you first posted about it (he did a thread on football-can you remember).
He hasnt been for awhile as he has been very busy but he is interested in the forum aspect of the site.

Totnes??? Oooh are you near me???

I can only give general impression as I don't have time to read all articles,sorry.I don't mean to cause you a prob.I just have this thing that a title should as I said be informative and I just find yours a little confusing.
I hope you don't stop posting and I also know that you've been having a hard time at home from little things you have said(missed all your posts on the perfect partner thread as you deleted them before I came online again)just felt that whoever writes the articles on fathers direct could be a little more informative.Things have been heated around here lately as you prob read.The way you replied made me a little angry and I admit visiting the other site just kind of tipped the scale.My apologies for not being more specific.
As for advice being better on your site as to how to help preg partner etc. I think you may have some good information but as to what support a woman needs dont you think that the proverbial'horses mouth' is a better source of info as all women need different kinds of help during pregnancy and maybe fathers direct could make that point.
I would like to point out that I'm not anti-male as most of my friends down the years have been male and often they have been the better friends, we women can be bitchy,I know I am at times.
I do appreciate a mans point of view if properly done ie. politely and without claws(yes men have them too)so please do not stop posting.

I, too, hope you don't go Tom, although I appreciate that someone has to do some work sometime!

I'm going to resurrect my Public Speaking thread in Other Subjects, and as you sound very experienced in that department, perhaps you'll have a comment or two.

Oh go on then one more today...
I'm in Dartington Hall on Monday running a conference for Sure Start.
As to articles on our site - most of them are co-written by a man and a woman - particularly when it comes to relationship issues, helping a partner through pregnancy and birth etc etc.
Public speaking - yep - do far too much of that and more than happy to offer advice...