Should I be able to leave England

[TrappedinEngland]

6 years ago I came to this country encouraged by my partner. We had a daughter who is now 4. I am desperately missing my own country and my family. Partner is refusing to let me go with our child and has threatened to take me to court if I do not leave our daughter in this country. I am at a loss what to do and he will not stop talking about the situation and he is involving eveyone in our problem. Has anyone else ever been in this situation because I am desperate for help.

where did you go to se womens aid? interesting it wasnt a phone consultation!

anyway,you will need accomadation...so does your council do the rent assist scheme? where they initially lend the advance rent/deposit on rented place,and then you will be able to claim benefits to survive on,including housing/council tax,untill you start work?

you can then,obviously,have your family visit asap? does that sound like an option?

doesnt sound like you will be able to get him to leave the house,so you can instead

Women's Aid gave me a confidential address to visit after my call to them.

I had not heard of the rent assist scheme but will look into it. Some of my family could visit but not many at the same time and my father is too ill to travel at the moment and so my mother is looking after him which makes it difficult for her to travel. I do not see why they should be put to all this trouble because one person does not want me to holiday in India and he has refused to travel there free of charge.

Why is it that I should leave the house and not him? After all it is me who has paid the deposit and I paid most of the mortgage before my daughter was born.

Consent is not needed for trips shorter than 30 days. Trapped, as long as it's clear you are not planning on keeping the child there things should be fine. Most of the times showing a return ticket is enough.

Having said that, if the marriage is breaking down and you have been discussing him at length with him, he might have some very good grounds to ask for a court order to stop you. However, whether this would be granted or not is another matter.

because he cant be forced unless there is some documented proof of abuse/violence etc....have you ever called the police about this?

you cant force him to leave,he's essentially paying the mortgage and doing nothing wrong (in eyes of the law.)

would he be willing to co sign the passport forms?

I was going to suggest you try to get your career restarted here. Even before your daughter goes to school, and see you are considering it. That may give you the freedom you need in the day to day and enable you to save up for whatever future you are looking for, whether that is buying him out of your home, setting up a new home with your daughter or staying with him. It may also give you a much needed boost. If your P sees you are committing to a job and life in England, he may also be less hesitant for you to travel to India for a vacation with your daughter.

Trapped, if you are an abusive relationship, it might be better for you to leave the house because then you will have a better life (and let's face it a house is just a house).

If things are not so bad that you can not see any other alternative then no there is no reason why you should be the one leaving. It will really depends on how your P is reacting - wether he is accepting to leave is one thing for example.

Then there is the issue of who is the 'owner' of the house. I guess the answer is both of you and you will be able to get back some of your assets (deposit, payments you made etc...).

Getting your acreer restrated will make a big difference, not the least because yu will not be financially dependant on him anymore.

I think you have a lot recently and have taken major steps. That's fantastic! I am sure WA will be able to guide you re the house, housing for yourself and your dd and the issue of travelling (It has been said before but there is no reason why you shuld not be 'allowed' to travel to see your family with yur dd). Something is telling me this could be a controlling behaviour on your DH part (or just plain selfishness).

i think for a start people have to stop believing this man has omnipotent power - yes she can block his access rights if he is abusive, yes she can holiday abroad. He would have to buy her out of the house if he wants to stay there since she contributed to mortgage before babies ad out down a deposit. He dosn't hold all / many cards as some people are suggesting. Well done fo getting professional advice as I'm not sure a lot of people on here have much idea of what they are talking about.

Trapped, do you get child benefit? If not then apply for it now and have it paid into your bank account. This may give you a little more financial freedom in the meantime.

They aren't married. She will find she is entitled to next to nothing

Even abusive prisoners can gain access

Lights, he can make life very, very difficult for her if he chooses to

lightsandshapes

yes she can holiday abroad

The information given here regarding her husbands ability to block her exit from the country with their child is accurate. Anybody caring to follow the links provided earlier would be able to satisfy themselves of the accuracy of that information.

yes she can block his access rights if he is abusive

The information regarding her husband's UNDOCUMENTED abuse NOT being enough to strip him of his parental rights and therefore curtail his ability to control the child's movements out of the country is accurate. A court is unlikely to limit a father's access, let alone strip him of his parental rights, without documented evidence of abuse. Even with documented evidence it is not a given that the courts would limit access, let alone strip him of parental rights.

This widespread information gap between expectations and reality is the reason why I always advise people to go and speak to a solicitor BEFORE they tell their partner they are leaving (unless abuse is of a nature that flight is the only sane option) because so many people leave only to discover that their plans were based on unrealistic expectations and they have inadvertently left themselves up shit creek without a paddle.

In fact anybody who is living with a partner with whom they have children would be well advised to go and find out the legal reality of their partnership in the case of a future separation well before any problems rear their head. Cohabitation has equivalency with marriage in social terms. Legally ? Not so much.

I understand that those who are shocked and surprised by the information are having a hard time with processing it. But I don't understand why anybody would keep repeating that the information is untrue rather than reading the information readily available from both government and registered charities.

Not least because it is far from being kind to the OP to give her false hope.

It is incredibly difficult for a person to process and accept that the legislation works against them. It is a very hard place to be, to realize that you may be faced with the choice of home OR being with your child.

Unnecessarily extending their stage of disbelief with mis information, is cruel.

Unrealistic expectations and misinformation are common. The majority of people contemplating cohabitation are blissfully unaware that their choice does not give them the same rights as a spouse.

www.oneplusone.org.uk/marriedornot/Index.htm

"Many people (61%, according to a recent survey*) mistakenly believe that simply living together can give you the same rights as marriage. They believe that 'common-law marriage' is a recognised legal status. They are wrong. Others believe that by having a child together they acquire legal rights, whether married, civil partnered, or not. They too are mistaken. Only couples who get married or register a civil partnership will acquire legal rights and responsibilities in relation to each other. We often don't check out our rights because it seems unromantic, untrusting even, to raise legal and financial issues. But exploring the common 'what ifs ?' - those situations that may leave us vulnerable - before difficulties arise, puts couples and families on a more secure footing."

Extensive information about the legal reality of cohabitation in a range of contexts.

www.advicenow.org.uk/living-together/

This gives details about division of property in the context of separation for cohabiting couple who jointly own a house.

static.advicenow.org.uk/files/how-do-you-own-your-home-70.pdf

This one gives details about cohabiting couples and living arrangements in the event of a separation (ie who gets to stay in the home)

divorce.moneymadeclear.org.uk/living-arrangements/unmarried-couples.html

Who has parental responsibility where the parents are not married.

www.oneplusone.org.uk/marriedornot/ParentalResponsibility.htm

None of the above is an adequate substitute for personalized legal advice, but it is a good place to start if you are concerned that you have based your choices and expectations on assumptions rather than valid information.

Abusive spouses, parental responsibility and access to children

"Many mothers have good reason to fear any ongoing contact between their children and their former partner, but they often find that family court professionals minimise or ignore these fears because they are convinced that ongoing contact with both parents is in the interest of the children in the long-term. Many mothers who have escaped from their abusive partners therefore find it extremely difficult to protect their children from ongoing abuse because they are required by the court to comply with an order for contact."

From women's aid, so I assume people on this thread will find it a reliable source.

www.womensaid.org.uk/domestic-violence-survivors-handbook.asp?section=000100010008000100380002

The assumed right to take a child out of the country on holiday.

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The law on taking a child out of the country

It is a crime for anyone 'connected with a child' under 16 to take or send that child out of the UK without appropriate consent. This is set out in the Child Abduction Act 1984.

To explain:

the people ?connected with a child? are the child?s parents, guardians and people with a residence order or who have parental responsibility

?appropriate consent? is the consent of the mother, the father (if he has parental responsibility), the guardian and anyone with a residence order or parental responsibility, or the leave (permission) of the court

The above is C&Ped from the link below

www.direct.gov.uk/en/TravelAndTransport/Passports/Applyingforaneworrenewedchildpassport/DG_174106

If I were you I would use my energy on finding work.

Correct me if I am wrong but if you have right to remain, you can also work here.

once you found work you can move away and then restore your sanity.

meanwhile find out how can you obtain right to go on holiday home.

irf court sees you have links and aare settled here you will be more likely to be granted right to travel.
as it happens I heard on the news that theres change in law, now if the non-residing parent has considerable amount of child care the other parent is not granted right to mve abroad with their children any more.