Boyfriend on swinging site :'(

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I'm sitting here in tears. I can't talk to anyone in RL about this as it's too personal. I desperately need advice.
What would you do if you found your boyfriend had an active profile on a swinging site?
I know the answer is to question him about it but I don't know how to broach it without bursting into tears. I can't find the words to say.
I only discovered it yesterday. We've been together for 12 months and hardly ever have sex as he struggles with erections...in light of this discovery, this problem is seemingly only with me although he's said time and again it's not me, what am I supposed to think now?
I have been patient and understanding re lack of sex and have told him to tell me if there's anything I could do to help.
I've encouraged him to be open with me.
On this site it says he's happily single and looking to bring fantasies to life.
He's never mentioned any of this to me but he knows I'd do anything he asked.
I was so happy til I found this but now I'm heartbroken .
Why is he doing this?
He doesn't know I know so where do I start?
I can't just ignore it but am frightened of what I'll hear if I start asking questions.
Any advice would be appreciated.

It's a shame you didn't see the private photos.I think you would of had your answer

OP you really should of held out and requested to be his friend and then you could of seen the private pictures.

Also arrange a meet up and see who would of turned up

Hang on let me get this right a woman met him for a drink and said he was lovely guy.Have I read that right?? Then its defentley him,isnt it?

I also think he is probably lying. Why would a "mate" bother to put his pic up etc,its not very funny is it? The other thing i wondered about was his sexual orientation,have you ever thought he might be gay?

Op, its no joke.... It wasn't ever intended to be discovered

Sadly the joke is on you, but think you know that

He is lying. I'm so sorry but his story makes no sense. Other than admitting it, what other excuse could there have been? A joke only works if the 'jokee' is aware of it. Now he's probably going to have to persuade one of his mates to 'confess' to this 'prank'.

Hi OP

Bear in mind there are a lot of women on here who've been lied to, cheated on etc. They've heard it all, every last excuse. They've believed the lies, until it happened again, they've heard every line, listened to every excuse, sucked up every blandishment.

This kind of treatment can make you very cynical and liable to think every man is a cheat.

I have never been lied to, cheated on, made to feel I was a crazy irrational woman by any of the men I've been with (to my knowledge, of course). Lucky me.

But guess what?

I think he's lying to you as well, sorry.

I agree with unhappylizzie. I've never been lied to either or cheated on but I would bet my last penny that this guy is lying to you.

Unhappylizzie is right. I have never had horrible things happen to me or mine, and my husband is (mostly) wonderful but this man is lying to you. And I can completely understand why you want to believe him.

Why would a friend do this and then not tell him? Surely that would be the point? Or arrange a meet up and surprise your partner with it? Otherwise this is the most random, protracted and inanest joke ever.

He's playing you. I hope you realise it soon. If nothing else, please please go to a GUM clinic and always wear condoms.

of course he's lying to you. No doubt about it. Please don't believe his lies. It will happen again.

oh dear. sorry OP i think he's lying too :(

is the 'mate' that set the profile up going to explain himself to you? or will you have to head that through DP?

hear, not head.

Just read all the thread

love, it seems you are being lied to left, right and centre

what on earth are you doing ?

listen to UL, she has been on your side with impartial advice from the beginning and she doesn't believe this bollocks about a "trick" his mates played

I really think you should kick him into touch

I can't believe the OP is falling for the 'my mates did it' bullshit. You are being taken for a fool.

So sorry to say that I think that he is lying. Where is he now, darling? Sounds so familiar to me. My ex had another woman for years but still tried to maintain our relationship; why? I would have walked out of the door pronto if he had been honest with me!

OP - really sorry for you. I wasn't sure from your post whether you had found a message that makes it clear he actually has been meeting up with people in real life, or whether the message you found was more vague?

If it's the second, then don't jump to any conclusions. A very good friend of mine found out that her partner had been using an online site, not swinging but something similar. He forgot to log out properly once which is how she found it, and she found message history that was basically messaging-sex or whatever. She decided to play the long game, said nothing and kept checking back and monitoring the account and eventually one of these messages came from a woman who suggested meeting up in real life. At which point she then saw her BF's reply: "sorry no, I'm in a relationship this is just an online fantasy thing for me". After this she did confront him with it, and he was very embarassed and sorry, but ultimately they moved past it and she felt at least secure on one level that this was fantasy for him and not something he would pursue in real life. Sometimes taking the subterfeuge route can work out well...but on the other hand, it doesn't seem fair that this torment should be strung out for you longer than necessary.

Ah, missed the last three pages, for some reason thought the thread stopped after one. Ignore what I just said ;-)

Am I imagining things or what? Somehow this whole thread sounds like a set up. DH, who knows a bit, tells me people do this sort of thing to take others for a ride. Gotta be some jokers on here.

Oh God , not this old shit . This happened to me , imagine the following ,

Me - Isnt this a picture of your cock ?
Him - No , its not .
Me - Are you sure ? It looks like it doesnt it ? It also looks like it was taken in your bathroom .
Him - Well the person who broke in and stole my photo probably took that picture of their cock in my bathroom . Its not my cock. And im going to report this to the police !

He actually tried to convince me that someone had broken into his house , stolen his photo and photographed their cock and set up this profile ! Just get rid of him Op . He cant get a hard on , hes a cheat , and he tells lies . Not exactly a catch is he .I occasionally still laugh about " Thats not my cock ".

diggs, that is so awful it is actually funny

the lies they try to tell, eh ?

unfortunately, sometimes we fall for them

as in this case, 'ere

Diggs that is truly terrible but also made me laugh. I can well imagine the indignant tone "that's not my cock"! Ah at least you're well rid and that blatant lie must have made it a tad easier.

Sorry Burningbra, but I don't think is a set up. It all has the ring of truth about it. All except the bit about him being set up by a mate, and it not really being him on the site.

It's heartbreaking, but if you want to believe something you will go to great lengths to make excuses for them, so you can believe it.

I can see that you love this man and you don't want to give up your picture of your future together. He is good to you and your children, you have a holiday planned that everyone is looking forward to, it is much easier to believe what he has told you.

To an outsider, the scenario in which he is lying to you is much more plausible than the other one - that his mate set him up and it's not genuine.

I really think there are a lot of women on here who care about other women and can recognise their pain in these situations because they have been through it themselves.

Among the people on here, there are lots telling you they think he is telling lies, and only one who has been in a situation where her partner was 'innocent'. And then he was only innocent insofar as he wasn't prepared to act on things. He had set up the account, he was the person that was using it.

This is a relatively new relationship, you don't live together, it's not that hard to bale out.

Your lovely man is very complicated and too much work for you. He needs to sort himself out.

You need to value yourself and think that you deserve better.

I'm really really sorry but I do think he's a liar. He's obviously got a lot of issues but I don't think he's prepared to level with you and let you help him sort them out.

^What if confronting him about this just drives the whole thing underground?
He could create a new account under a different name and keep doing it yet I wouldn't be able to see it.
Bloody Internet eh?^

Your words OP. Can you trust him? His mate will back him up.

I think we have lost you and you won't be on here again. All anyone can do is wish you strength for the future and hope that you will be strong enough to see what so many people on here see.
x

Don't you think he might just of joined inlight of your bedroom issues? He prob has low self esteem because of his erection issues and wants validtated by other women without actually doing anything with them, sounds like a self esteam boost

Reported eliteruss