Boyfriend on swinging site :'(

[noplacelikehome]

I'm sitting here in tears. I can't talk to anyone in RL about this as it's too personal. I desperately need advice.
What would you do if you found your boyfriend had an active profile on a swinging site?
I know the answer is to question him about it but I don't know how to broach it without bursting into tears. I can't find the words to say.
I only discovered it yesterday. We've been together for 12 months and hardly ever have sex as he struggles with erections...in light of this discovery, this problem is seemingly only with me although he's said time and again it's not me, what am I supposed to think now?
I have been patient and understanding re lack of sex and have told him to tell me if there's anything I could do to help.
I've encouraged him to be open with me.
On this site it says he's happily single and looking to bring fantasies to life.
He's never mentioned any of this to me but he knows I'd do anything he asked.
I was so happy til I found this but now I'm heartbroken .
Why is he doing this?
He doesn't know I know so where do I start?
I can't just ignore it but am frightened of what I'll hear if I start asking questions.
Any advice would be appreciated.

Well, ladies. This afternoon I could stand it no longer so I bit the bullet and rang him.
I told him I'd seen his profile on the site and was very upset.
Told him what it said on there etc.
I'm feeling very embarrassed now as he knew nothing about it and says it's not him.
I must admit it didn't sound like him at all but with the pic and everything I thought well it must be.
He says one of his mates will have done it for a laugh and he'll be having stern words with him about it.
He was shocked and angry when I told him exactly what it said, not with me, with his mate and went to great lengths to reassure me.
He was very worried that I thought it was him but in the circumstances could see how I did because it did appear that it was.
Fellas and their mates eh? You wouldn't get women doing this sort of stupid thing to each other.
He said how could I think he was meeting women for sex when I know the problems he has?
I felt awful then but so glad I plucked up courage to ask.
It's been a weight off my mind :)
Just need to sort our own sex problems out now haha!

Why would it be an active profile then? Seems strange.

What a crock.

He's lying.......he trotted out the standard lie

You weren't daft enough to believe him tho were you?

The person who set it up must be using it.
He has a couple of suspects in mind and they will be investigated in the coming days haha!
I told him that whoever it was had messaged me on the profile I created so I could have a look.
He's been onto the site admin and the account has been suspended so it's not coming up in search any more.
I'm going to get mine deleted too.
144 messages I've had from fellas on that site :o
Don't want any part in it.

Just read the thread. Oh dear, he's lying to you and you believe him because you want to.

He's lying, OP. No question. Sorry.

You sound very vulnerable and he's playing you. People dont use other peoples photos in this way, really they dont.

If he's not lying, how did he know the password to close the account?

Next he will tell you the dog ate his homework!

Again, crock. The whole thing.

At the start of your thread it was obvious you didn't want to talk to him about it as you didn't want to finish with him. Then you believe his lies story.

I'm so sorry but he is lying to you. I know you must desperately want to believe him but he's treating you like you're stupid.

What would his friends gain from setting up that profile if he didn't know about it until now?

I suggest you put his email address in to www.pipl.com and see what else "his mates" have signed him up to. :(

How could he have the acccount suspended if it's not his?

Sorry, OP, but he's playing you.

He emailed the site admin saying that someone had set up a profile for him without his consent and they have suspended it.
All the stuff it said he was into was put up for a joke by his mate.
I do believe him.

Well you are a mug OP because he is lying to you.

Sorry to be so blunt.

Do you know his mates well? Do they often prank each other? Does it fit with what you know about him/them?

Im sorry OP. Ive read the whole thread and like others on here i think he is stringing you along! You want to believe him desperately so you do.........

u say there was a pic, and a woman met him

if it wasnt him would she not have realised??

Yes it does sound like something a couple of his mates would do.
There are a couple of suspects under investigation.
We don't know who this woman is or who it is she's supposedly met but we will find out.
I told him and he agrees that this is pathetic and could've been very damaging. I could've finished with him had I not believed him.

what was the joke? he didnt know of it and only did due to your find

Oh dear. Do come back next time you discover he's been stringing you along. You seem rather too trusting no place. Just keep your wits about you please, and get checked regularly for STIs.

also were his mates logged on just on the offchance of finding someone in the area to im and welcome? bit involved for a joke on someone who had 'no idea' of it

People lie when caught out.I don't believe it sorry op

Wouldn't this woman have thought it strange and been put off if someone else turned up, when the photo was of him?

It seems a very odd prank, I can see setting up a profile and then 'outing' your guy in the pub or something, but to have a profile running for several months at least, keeping it active, using it and actually meeting people?

Really really?