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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Could you live with someone who has a problem with your kids?

97 replies

goddess72 · 29/06/2011 19:03

Hiya, I have been with my partner for just over 2 years now, he is finding it really hard to be around my kids. They are 5 and 8 by the way, so they are quite young and ok can be a handful and noisey sometimes as kids are, he seems to over react to things to be honest and really struggles to be around them, never has anything positive to say about them always negative things! Last night after dinner my daughter read a letter from school to all of us about a fun day she had coming up, partner said 'don't read it to me, nothing to do with me its for Mummy, I've got nothing to do with you' did he really have to say that???

There's other examples but he's always saying things like I should be doing this, I should stop that etc, its really wearing me down why can't they just be kids!! He tried to get me to send them to their room when he came in from work to give him some peace. I did put my foot down and said no way, if he has a problem he can go to another room, so he has and quite often goes to the shed lol! Ok fair enough, but even that is starting to irrate me as it just shows he wants nothing to do with them, which makes me on edge and really I'm a single mum, but worse I'm being judged how I raise them !!! Ahhhh what would you do??

OP posts:

VioletV · 29/06/2011 19:11

I would get rid of this man. Your children are part of you and if he can't accept them, then he can't accept you. Simple decision here really.

Pinkflipflop · 29/06/2011 19:13

Ok - well I don't have kids so you probably don't want advice from me but anyway!

I do however have the most beautiful black labrador and if anyone spoke to him like that or was remotely negative about him they would be gone!

It doesn't sound like your partner likes your kids very much, tbh.

lifechanger · 29/06/2011 19:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

goddess72 · 29/06/2011 19:14

Its never that simple though, or he would of gone by now! Money issues etc, is stopping me from just getting rid. I'm just wondering if there's anything we can do to try and get them to bond or am I being unrealistic?

OP posts:

buzzsore · 29/06/2011 19:14

Your kids come first. Why on earth would you want to live with someone who doesn't even like your children?

I'd get shut of him.

Original poster

goddess72 · 29/06/2011 19:15

Your right they soo do ! I know!

OP posts:

defineme · 29/06/2011 19:16

Do you enjoy living with him?
Do your kids enjoy living with him?
Do you like him?

Doesn't sound like it, and as you said you might as well be a single mum, so I think you'd all be happier without him.

Feel sorry for all of you.
Poor dd with her nice news from school shot down in flames-will do damage to her self esteem.

Original poster

goddess72 · 29/06/2011 19:16

I don't thats the problem!

OP posts:

RudeEnglishLady · 29/06/2011 19:16

He needs to move out. If you still want to date each other then fine but don't let him spoil your children's lives like this. He's not really partner or step-dad matierial is he.

I couldn't even date someone so awful though... he's really nasty - you do realise that?

pinkytheshrinky · 29/06/2011 19:17

no no no never ever do this - in the long run your children will think you chose him over them and this is a bad bad idea for their self esteem etc in the long run - you do sound like you are putting yourself and your needs before those of your children.

buzzsore · 29/06/2011 19:17

Money vs your children's happiness? I know which should come first.

He doesn't want to bond with them, he barely tolerates them, he finds them annoying. You can't make him like them.

yearningforthesun · 29/06/2011 19:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

goddess72 · 29/06/2011 19:18

god I really need a wake up call don't I ! Your all right I know :-(

OP posts:

defineme · 29/06/2011 19:18

Tell us about the money issues-maybe we can give advice on how to solve them so you can get rid.

EttiKetti · 29/06/2011 19:18

No WAY!!!! Children WILL pick up on this, without a doubt, and he isn't really being subtle :(

diggingintheribs · 29/06/2011 19:18

do you live together? I think that's really unhealthy for your kids. At worst he is negative to them and at best he is indifferent. How would you feel if you lived with someone who treated you like that?

My friend had a parter like this, she married him and they went on to have a child. he never bonded with her kids and once his came along the situation was even worse (his could do no wrong, oldest 2 always blamed etc). Whilst my friend never regretted having the baby she did regret the relationship and they ended up divorced because her older 2 were starting to show real problems and it wasn't healthy for the youngest either

WowOoo · 29/06/2011 19:19

No. Sounds to me like he doesn't want to be involved in a large part of your life.
Need I say more?

lachesis · 29/06/2011 19:19

I feel sorry for your children. They are trapped. You are not.

Beamur · 29/06/2011 19:20

My DP has two kids and made it clear from the off that they came as part of the deal.
We have a child of our own too now.
There's no way I could live with someone who did not fully embrace my child and be kind and loving towards her. End of.
The atmosphere you are describing must be making you all miserable.

nulgirl · 29/06/2011 19:20

How sad for your children to live with someone who treats them like that. It will destroy their self-esteem and they will probably blame you for not protecting them from him. Have you spoken to him about his attitude? Can you find out your financial options so that you can make a clean break?

Original poster

goddess72 · 29/06/2011 19:21

buzzsore yes your right! But things are never as easy as all that, there is alot more to it ALOT!!!!! I have no support either, its not like I want to stay to have money, but I have nowere to go just like that, so that is thinking of their happiness! They're not unhappy at the moment but I realise that could change hence my concern!

OP posts:

lachesis · 29/06/2011 19:26

I'd rather go beg in the street than even give someone who treated my kids the way your 'partner' does the time of day. I wouldn't even gone out with such a person, much less moved in with him and then claimed I had to stay with him because of finances and that will make my children more happy than a twat who treats them with contempt.

Grow up and get a spine before you destroy your childrens' relationship with you forever.

Original poster

goddess72 · 29/06/2011 19:27

Blimey thats the last time I post on here !

OP posts:

defineme · 29/06/2011 19:31

Don't go-honestly there are lots of women on here who have been helped out of similar situations by mnetters-we're here if you look down the thread!
Other posters believe that you need shouting at-that's up to them, but doesn't cancel out the others.

thesunshinesbrightly · 29/06/2011 19:33

I used to live with someone like that - he is now an ex. Kids come first.

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